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Do I have to be nice to my ex?

Answered 3 years ago

We have a daughter together he has seen twice since she was born, she is will be 1 in a few days. Every now and again he will message, sometimes about her sometimes to see what is happening within my life. I want to keep conversations about child only but I’m concerned if I’m not nice that when I have to eventually go for full custody the judge will frown down upon me not keeping the peace by engaging in conversation with him. Obviously ideally he would be apart of my daughter’s life but he has chosen not to bother. Is there any way to casually say that I only want to talk about child and not about anything else?

As an idea the last conversation he was fishing for info on my private life relationship wise, surely I don’t need to discuss that with him.


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ANSWER
3 years ago
Yes, you do need to be nice and act like an adult.
Just keep all communication about the child. If he asks questions about your personal life, redirect the conversation towards your little one. For example if he says, “so how’s it going? Are you seeing anyone?” respond with, “We have been well, thanks for asking. I hope you are also well? Let me know if you’d like to arrange a visit with (child’s name)?”
I think if you keep the communication on topic and keep ignoring personal questions he’ll get the hint.

ANSWER
3 years ago
Can you reply about the child only, just don’t acknowledge the other questions when your reply?

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REPLY
3 years ago
This is what I am hoping to be able to do. I just don’t know if it would come back to bite me in the ass, sort of like “why couldn’t you have been nicer”. And as narcissistic as this sounds I don’t want my daughter angry at me when she is older for not doing everything possible to have him part of her life.

ANSWER
3 years ago
Yes you do.
But if he is prying reply something like
“Hey listen, more than happy to keep lines of communication open about ****. Any time you wanna organise your see her ect let me know, but my life is my life and I will keep it that way.
Let’s keep communication about ****. “

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REPLY
3 years ago
And not to look good for a judge , for the sake of your child.

REPLY
3 years ago
Thank you. I have said to him already that I’d like to keep communication about child only. I will try your message next time as it is rather direct and polite. I am more than happy to always talk about our daughter and for him to see her. I guess I’m just worried too that by not replying or saying no he will completely cut all contact and I don’t want that, I want the hope he will step up. You are right that it needs to be for her sake and not a legal chess move, I just am over being nice about it when anyone else I would just be rude and say how inappropriate it is and stop replying to those sorts of messages.