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Did I have an affair?

Answered 3 months ago

I was married with 4 kids. Husband worked a lot and spent little to no time with me or the kids. I met a couple through a mutual friend and thought they were pretty awesome. They had 4 kids also. We all hit it off and I invited them over with the idea that the 4 of us could become long term friends.
Over time the wife stopped communicating with me. She had a lot of personal stuff going on with family and illness etc but I stayed in contact with the husband. Periodically we would try to arrange to catch up in a park so the kids could all play. It was usually cancelled and if it did go ahead, the wife had become so anxious she would end up not coming.
The husband would still meet up though. We'd have ice cream and complain about the kids and the fact that our spouses weren't contributing to our lives the way we hoped/needed. We both felt like we'd been left in the trenches alone.
One day I messaged him to say it's time for our annual failed attempt to catch up and he replied that as we had been having an affair, it wasn't appropriate to stay in contact.
I was gutted. I thought he was a friend and when I told my husband how upset I was about it, he just said that he thought I'd been having an affair also.
I replied to the guy saying he'd lost his mind and that nothing I ever said or thought would have constituted an affair but if our friendship was creating issues and he needed to throw me under the bus to save his marriage I wished him the best of luck.
So, did I have an affair? It was a while ago now but my husband recently used it as an example of my "repeated infidelity" and it's weighing on my mind.


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ANSWER
3 months ago
Thanks everyone.
I didn't think I was putting myself in a situation where that sort of accusation could be made. At the time I even said if complaining about your kids and husband is all it takes, then I'm having an affair with basically every checkout chick at the supermarket.
The other things I did that he regarded as me having an affair was going to see the guy doing my tattoo with my kids and taking him a cake because it was his birthday, and talking to a waiter about the chef's attitude towards butter in mashed potatoes.
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and have learnt that misreading social queues is common. I've since wondered if perhaps I was being groomed by the person I thought was my friend and didn't realise. Which just makes everything worse to the point that I now try to ensure I have as little social interaction as possible.

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REPLY
3 months ago
Well I think it’s sad that shit like this makes you not want to socialise 😒
I hang out with my kids friends dads often, it depends on who can make the catch up happen.
Sounds like this blokes wife made the assumption or maybe even sent the text herself.

REPLY
3 months ago
I guess at the end of the day we also don’t know what this man has previously put his wife through to make her so insecure and they might actually be a whole backstory to this that you’re not aware of and it’s not your fault you’ve just got caught up in it

ANSWER
3 months ago
No. You didn't. He might have been having an emotional affair, or that's what his wife had made him believe.

ANSWER
3 months ago
If what you’re saying is true it wasn’t essentially an appropriate friendship BUT you didn’t have an affair.

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REPLY
3 months ago
How was it not appropriate?? If it was 2 females doing the same thing noone would blink an eye......

REPLY
3 months ago
I just personally wouldn’t put myself in a situation where accusation such as this could come from it. Whereby both partners believed there was an affair. I don’t believe it to be appropriate for a man and woman to hang out alone. That’s just me

ANSWER
3 months ago
If he is now saying it was an affair, it makes me think maybe he had developed inappropriate feelings. Doesn’t make it an affair. Doesn’t make it the smartest friendship to have, but doesn’t make it an affair.

ANSWER
3 months ago
No. You didn't do anything that would be considered inappropriate, especially if it were a female friend, it's just social stereotypes of men & women not being able to say hello without jumping into bed. You do need to be extremely transparent and careful with such relationships but no, you didn't.

ANSWER
3 months ago
What you've described does not sound like an affair.

ANSWER
3 months ago
No, if what you outlined above is all that happened then it wasnt an affair. It was just a friend.

Sounds like jealous and insecure partners are now feeling defensive and distorting things to guilt their partners back home.

ANSWER
3 months ago
What twat waffle. You made a friend and others twisted that. Silly.

ANSWER
3 months ago
No. My wife has male friends and goes to the park with them and two sets of children. I'd never consider that an affair. Even if you flirted its not an affair.

Sounds like you've done nothing wrong and shouldn't be made to feel guilty.