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Kids being in a wedding.

Answered 2 years ago

My brother in law is getting married in a few months, he has asked my 6 year old son to be part of the bridal party, I have a 4 year old daughter who will be devastated as she has not being asked to be a flower girl. My son isn't really fussed to be in the wedding so we said no, I decided not to take either of them to the ceremony as they aren't invited to the reception. In laws are now annoyed because all the boy cousins are in the wedding except my son, and they want both kids there for photos. But I am the one who will be dealing with an inconsolable child when she sees the other kids being part of the wedding and not her. Is it unreasonable to say both kids need to be in the wedding or neither of them are going?


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ANSWER
2 years ago
Have them both stay home. They arent pawns in a favourtism game. Weddings are boring especially for kids. And some adult!

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REPLY
2 years ago
I don’t think it’s favouritism. The son was picked by the uncle as it’s his side of the family however the bride is not obligated to pick the girls from his side of the family she can choose from hers. And maybe just maybe she thought 4 was too young and she wouldn’t behave

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2 years ago
I wouldn't take either. A wedding is about joining families, not dividing them. The bride sounds vile

ANSWER
2 years ago
That is not the slightest bit unreasonable. It is their day, their wedding and they can out whom the like in there. There should never be any expectation that everyone is included. And how wonderful they want photos with all the kids.

ANSWER
2 years ago
May be an unpopular opinion but I wouldn't do that to my kids either, especially since they're so close in age and your daughter is too young not to just feel inconsolable and excluded. It would definitely feel like her brother is the favourite.
Both or none in my opinion.

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REPLY
2 years ago
😂😂 you can’t give the bride and groom and ultimatum. They will plan their wedding how they choose.

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2 years ago
I meant I'd take one out not insist they put the other in.

ANSWER
2 years ago
This is so petty. Your 4 year old need to wise up, and quite frankly - so do you.
Tell your daughter to suck it up. Shes old enough to know better and once she see's how boring that whole affair is, she'll be fine. Kids hate ceremonies, they're boring - she'll probably be glad she wasn't involved once she see's the boys are having any fun.
Straight up though, you seem proper bitchy about it. Suck it up - it's not your wedding.

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REPLY
2 years ago
Agree. It seems like she only came on here looking for the answer she wants and likes. To justify herself. However most responses are telling her she needs to get over it. And clearly what’s good enough for one child isn’t good enough for the other

ANSWER
2 years ago
As a wedding celebrant, I find any child under about 5 can be problematic. Some are absolutely wonderful and others last about two seconds before running for Mum in tears. It makes life interesting because I never know which way it's going to go beforehand. I do not let it disrupt the wedding completely and most people are pretty sensible. In the end, it's the bride's decision who to include.

ANSWER
2 years ago
This is your husbands brother what does hubby have to say about all of this?

ANSWER
2 years ago
No unreasonable. I would do the same as you.. I don't play favourites with my kids and will not allow anyone else to.

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2 years ago
Thanks that's how I feel

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2 years ago
It’s not about favourites the brother in law asked the son I’m assuming for a male role in the wedding. But the future wife does not have to pick the daughter for a female role it’s not her niece by blood

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2 years ago
You sure you don’t treat your kids differently?? I let my 10year bake and use the oven but I def don’t let my 4 yr old near the oven. Different ages can do diff things the other kids have to learn that and that’s just the rules when they are older they get the same privileges.

REPLY
2 years ago
She is playing favourites though and treating them differently. In her other response she said it wouldnt bother her if it was the other way around and if the daughter was flower girl and the son not part of the bridal party. So it’s not like she’s doing it from a being fair perspective and they must both be included she just doesn’t want the 4yr old crying. I think most 4yr old can be distracted or explained why they can’t be doing something

ANSWER
2 years ago
Your choice, but if it had been your daughter who was asked and not your son, would you do the same??? If one child gets asked to a birthday party do you say no because the other wasn't??? I would still let my child if they were asked, (but that is me). You can't force the groom or bride to let your child be a flower girl that is the brides decision and she might have already picked her flower girl. What is she suppose to do, break her heart to make you happy??? I understand where you are coming from. I hope you didn't tell them no unless you let my daughter be the flower girl, that would sure start the newly weds in fighting before they get married. When I got married I allowed children at the Church but not my reception, as I just didn't want kids there. I organised a baby sitter for those who needed one after the church ceremony. If you feel you have done the right thing, then it is the right thing for you and your kids. Just don't make a big thing out of it. Just explain to them how you feel and leave it at that.

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REPLY
2 years ago
I wouldn't have worried if it was the other way around because my son won't cry the entire day.

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2 years ago
Not the entire day you said they aren’t going to reception

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2 years ago
Ah so it’s just because your daughter might cry or have a tanty. That’s life. Won’t be the first thing she’s cried about. You really can’t tell them who to have or not have it’s their wedding it would really be unfair of you to give them that ultimatum.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Yes it is unreasonable. And I think your being a bit dramatic. Really how devastated will a 4yr old be. Just distract her or make something up or simply explain on the day if it’s a problem that that is just how it is. Kids need to learn resilience these days sometimes it’s ok for one to get included in something and one not. Why would you not take them to the wedding? That’s is your husbands brother doesn’t get much closer than that. You should be honoured he asked your son who is only 6 to be a part of this special day. His future wife who is no relation to any of you has no obligation to ask your daughter to be involved

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2 years ago
I would normally agree, but I don't think someone's wedding is the place to teach my daughter resilience. She will carry on.

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2 years ago
Not someone some random. Your brother in law

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2 years ago
Would you like a screaming child to drown out your wedding vows?

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2 years ago
If she is really going to scream out the church then you have bigger problems than that. She already sounds very entitled. Even at 4 kids understand no, maybe you need to say it to your daughter a bit more

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2 years ago
It’s not even your blood family. You married into that family and your causing so much drama. For 2-3hrs just suck it up. And if your daughter is screaming during the ceremony take her outside and for a walk. She’s not gonna scream for 3hrs where you can’t get photos of her and if she does then I’d start teaching her from now that mummy and daddy make the rules and that she won’t just receive everything in life because she’s upset

ANSWER
2 years ago
Wow that’s a dramatic reaction! As far as I know the grooms choose “their” people for the bridal party, the bride chooses her side. They only ever mix sides if there’s a numbers problem or lack of family to fill spots. But the bride is not obliged to put your daughter if she already has nieces or a god daughter etc
Just put miss 4 in a cute frilly dress with a nice floral head piece. Make her feel like a princess for the day without creating all this family friction because your 4 yo is supposedly gonna have a meltdown 🤦🏻‍♀️

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REPLY
2 years ago
Love your response 🥰

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2 years ago
Omg, I would be killed for doing that. But it is a fantastic idea thanks x

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2 years ago
Why would that be a problem? Don’t put her in a white frilly dress or something that looks like flower girl dresses but there are plenty of other frilly dresses where she will still look like a princess

ANSWER
2 years ago
Is it worth all the drama it's going to be to go against the family? It's one day. If you explained to her i'm sure she'll understand my 4 year old boy would & let her know she'll be getting her own special reward for being such good sport.

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2 years ago
Yep, this. Bring some lollies or tell her she can pick out a toy or something. Since the kids aren’t going to the reception the kids will only be at the wedding for a short amount of time. I hardly think it will traumatise her

ANSWER
2 years ago
They just want them there for photos? No you’re not being unreasonable at all.

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2 years ago
And my son to be in the wedding