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Help - I don’t particularly like my partners kids and they’re becoming a lot to handle, any advice?

Answered 5 months ago

I am significantly younger than my partner and I do not have any children of my own yet. We’ve been together for 2 years now and we’re really happy. He has two kids who are preteen, one of whom is of special needs. It is becoming increasing hard to enjoy the time with them as their behaviour is getting worse and my tolerance is fading too. I love my partner and we will be starting a family of our own - however I think I have bitten off way more than I can chew with his kids. Given it’s only the weekends we have them but it is very difficult given the circumstances. The kids habits and lack of and attitudes come from their mother who is neglecting proper discipline and manners but I can understand it must be hard for her but this is really hard. I have not come forward to my partner about how I feel as he works so hard for the family and I don’t want to tell him that dealing with them alone is mentally too much for me. I don’t feel like I’m enjoying my mid to late 20’s and I would just love some contact or advice for any other partner of who doesn’t have their own kids but is in a similar situation. The last thing I would ever want to do is risk losing anything I have with my partner.


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ANSWER
5 months ago
Dads time with the kids should be just that, dad 100% you should not have to care for them on your own for long periods.
I have agreed this with my partner of 2 years, he lives with myself and my two kids.
My kids go to before and after school care if I am working regardless of the shifts my partner is working, I refuse weekend work unless I can outsource childcare. We still do loads of fun stuff all together but they are never his sole responsibility.

He sees his son every second weekend , he lives 2 hours away and my partner goes and stays with his own mother (my MIL) and his son goes there, their home is well set up for this situation as after my partner split with his ex he worked remote, once their home sold that my partner remained living in after the split he stayed at his mothers on days off. So that was already happening before we became serious. His son was coming here but didn’t like sharing his dad time with any of us and to be honest was never 100% encouraged to adapt to the situation especially by his mother (my partners ex) The ex is the typical bitch ex, early in the picture I blocked her number and refuse to deal with her as she was meddling so much and causing me and us drama.

This also gives me every second weekend to spend family time with just myself and my kids.

This works for us and the way I see it in 10 -15 plus years it will be just us and the kids will maybe be off living their own lives so this works for us for now.

Blended families are hard work, what works for one does not always work for another. Maybe seek counselling on your own with the intention of your partner joining you if he is willing. I have never asked my partner to come to counselling with me as I know it would not be his cup of tea.

Hope this helps, no doubt you will get a bunch of negative opinions on here, scroll on past them xxx