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What do you think is happening here?
Answered 3 years ago
Have had a FWB for 2 years. We have out ups and downs. Not seeing each other for a while at times. But always drawn back together again.
Recently we went away together for 10 days and we haf a wonderful time. Since we have been back, he has gone back to work (working away) and we havent seen each other. He texts everyday about 6am and then until late into the night and ringing every second day for an hour.
He has said that he misses me, is looking forward to being back and seeing me, would like to do another holiday with me, suggested we go here and there together.... etc
Do you think he is now not thinking FWB and maybe more? I have asked him tonight but he hasnt reply as yet. I am feeling confused.
We have always said it is just friends who have sex and nothing more. What do I do?
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ANSWER
3 years ago
Op here. He and I are still in occassional contact, though dont see each other. So much thought went into it and I still feel like I go around in circles some days.
There are many things I dont like about him, many things I do. A relationship would never work with us.
Yet I feel myself drawn to him. Not sure why.
Never wanted a relationship with anyone due to huge trust issues with men. Was happy being on my own.
Maybe it was a fantasy dream that maybe a man could actually care about me, for me, and not getting sex from me. The sex was good but fizzled out many months ago now. Even though the sex is gone, he still says he doesnt want to lose me,he just does nothing to show it and prove it. So I am polite to him ( because I am that sort of person) yet stay away.
There are many things I dont like about him, many things I do. A relationship would never work with us.
Yet I feel myself drawn to him. Not sure why.
Never wanted a relationship with anyone due to huge trust issues with men. Was happy being on my own.
Maybe it was a fantasy dream that maybe a man could actually care about me, for me, and not getting sex from me. The sex was good but fizzled out many months ago now. Even though the sex is gone, he still says he doesnt want to lose me,he just does nothing to show it and prove it. So I am polite to him ( because I am that sort of person) yet stay away.
ANSWER
3 years ago
How are you op?
ANSWER
5 years ago
OP HERE. Oh dear I am at a loss.
I have been so hapoy and content with the FWB arrangement and having no commitment to him. Being independant and leading my own life.
I have pulled the pin a few days ago and told him it is goodbye.
I feel gutted. I cry. I feel lost. I feel alone and so unhappy.
Crap. May e he meant a whole lot more to me that I ever knew and realised.
Now what do I do???
I have been so hapoy and content with the FWB arrangement and having no commitment to him. Being independant and leading my own life.
I have pulled the pin a few days ago and told him it is goodbye.
I feel gutted. I cry. I feel lost. I feel alone and so unhappy.
Crap. May e he meant a whole lot more to me that I ever knew and realised.
Now what do I do???
Replies
REPLY
5 years ago
Fwb never works. You got yourself all hooked up with this guy but you didn't want to believe your feelings were serious. It's normal to feel some form rejection but it's not you it's just his fear of a committed relationship. You can't do anything with men like that, they either work it out or keep running. In the meantime you've wasted enough time on him. When you're ready refocus on finding someone who will show up for you when you need them not just when he needs something. If I may offer any advice for long term happiness stay away from the traditional pretty ones they're trouble what you need is a good soul search for that instead.
ANSWER
5 years ago
Op here. Well after all the missing me, texting and phone calls.... he has been back from his work trip for the past 7 days and I havent heard from him or seen him since he got home to his place from the airport.
So I have made the decision to completely walk away from the friendship and the benefits.
So I have made the decision to completely walk away from the friendship and the benefits.
Replies
REPLY
5 years ago
Good. You are not a piece of meat or a toy.
REPLY
5 years ago
Good call 👍
ANSWER
5 years ago
How are you going OP? Did he get back to you?
Replies
REPLY
5 years ago
His response was "😉". What that means I have no idea. But he is still texting and ringing me constantly. I have decided that I am going to wait until he is back from his work trip and then meet up with him and have the conversation face to face.
REPLY
5 years ago
Good idea
REPLY
5 years ago
Sounds very noncommittal. It honestly doesn’t sound like he’s that into you.
REPLY
5 years ago
I think that answer is a no to a relationship but still wants to play with you. It is a non-committal, just wanting fun wink.
REPLY
5 years ago
The wink face means just sex. He is having fun that’s all. I hate to say it but he is seeing other women. When you don’t hear from them that’s what they are up to. Men don’t go 7 days without sex.
ANSWER
5 years ago
I think it really depends what he's saying in the calls and texts.
That's a lot for a FWB to be calling and texting.
If it's all sexual, than maybe he just has a high sex drive.
However if it's about work, friends, family and life in general, then I think you have yourself a boyfriend.
That's a lot for a FWB to be calling and texting.
If it's all sexual, than maybe he just has a high sex drive.
However if it's about work, friends, family and life in general, then I think you have yourself a boyfriend.
Replies
REPLY
5 years ago
Op here. Conversations have been all about family, friends, general stuff, planning another trip away and sexual... so everything and anything.
Until I now havent heard from him in the 7 days since he has been back.
Until I now havent heard from him in the 7 days since he has been back.
ANSWER
5 years ago
Find someone who will give you what you want
Replies
REPLY
5 years ago
She didn't actually say she wanted a re
REPLY
5 years ago
Relationship
ANSWER
5 years ago
What friends with benefits go on holidays and call and text so much this already looks a lot more
ANSWER
5 years ago
He is using you
ANSWER
5 years ago
Tough one. See what his answer is. Then decide to mive on or stay if you both want more
ANSWER
5 years ago
Some pretty short sharp comments here.
Obviously he really enjoys your company, and being with you, and the sex of course.
So from your end it does look like a relationship.
I think you were right to ask him.
Men can appear to be in a relationship with you, from your perspective (female interpretation), but are not really, just being kind and attentive as part of the trade off for company and sex (male perspective).
So, the risk is that you fall in love with him, but he is not in love with you.
He may keep coming back to you because he has had others in between, and they have got fed up with his lack of committment and given him his marching orders.
If his answer is no, it is time for you to move on.
And you have to make a clean break and start energetically looking for someone else, or you are going to be vulnerable to continuing this arrangement, because its comfortable, and its known, but it also has no future.
If there is no answer, then that is in effect a "no". (That's how some men answer and actually say no - just avoidance of the whole question.)
If this situation continues, which is convenient for him, you risk ending up, in many years time, having missed out on finding the "one" for you. And when he does find "the one" for him, you will be dropped like a hot potato.
So you need to assess what you want out of life, and if it is to have a committed partner, you have to terminate this FWB arrangement.
Obviously he really enjoys your company, and being with you, and the sex of course.
So from your end it does look like a relationship.
I think you were right to ask him.
Men can appear to be in a relationship with you, from your perspective (female interpretation), but are not really, just being kind and attentive as part of the trade off for company and sex (male perspective).
So, the risk is that you fall in love with him, but he is not in love with you.
He may keep coming back to you because he has had others in between, and they have got fed up with his lack of committment and given him his marching orders.
If his answer is no, it is time for you to move on.
And you have to make a clean break and start energetically looking for someone else, or you are going to be vulnerable to continuing this arrangement, because its comfortable, and its known, but it also has no future.
If there is no answer, then that is in effect a "no". (That's how some men answer and actually say no - just avoidance of the whole question.)
If this situation continues, which is convenient for him, you risk ending up, in many years time, having missed out on finding the "one" for you. And when he does find "the one" for him, you will be dropped like a hot potato.
So you need to assess what you want out of life, and if it is to have a committed partner, you have to terminate this FWB arrangement.
ANSWER
5 years ago
He sounds like he is enjoying the company while he’s looking for the one.
ANSWER
5 years ago
This is a really sad state of affairs. Shit or get off the pot. Why are you wasting your life on someone who isn't willing to call you their girlfriend? What do YOU want? It's ok to say it. If he says it's not for him - move on. Life is short. Go...find a real man, not a terrified of commitment teenager (mentally obvi). Know your self worth.
ANSWER
5 years ago
Friends miss and care for one another. My best friend and I say i love you, sleep together and take trips when single, support and help each other through ups and downs. But we would probably never be a "couple."
ANSWER
5 years ago
Sounds like you put him on the spot