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Do i keep fighting or just leave it

Answered 1 year ago

Its taken alot to actually write this but im completely torn

My 13yr old has gone to live with other parent. No contact since they went apart from a phone call earlier this year pretty much saying they hate me, and never want to see me- court orders are in place but the other keeps getting away with withholding my child
The manipulation is beyond a joke getting the child to not want to be here, the lies they keep saying to people to make me seem unfit

I don’t know if I can keep fighting anymore

The toll its taking is heartbreaking

No warning this shit fight was going to happen at all. Everything was normal till it wasn’t

Im at a loss on what I should do

Please no negative judgment as im already feeling like shit


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ANSWER
1 year ago
I feel for you right now. I have just experienced something similar, but it was over me limiting their electronic use time, and in the end they got their own way, manipulated the system, vandalised other people's property to get their way, and got rewarded for it.
Have children always been this manipulative?? Or is this new?

I guess all you can do is seek lawyer advice but i think at This age children are allowed to decide what they want to do with access 😔

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REPLY
1 year ago
And now the child in question has nothing to do with me and said they didn't want to live with me because of similar reasons, bad parent, mean, cruel. Etc
So much for trying to have boundaries and not let children run the household. Whatever.... 😢

ANSWER
1 year ago
You can go see a lawyer. Although, with a 13 year old the more you push them the more they will push back. Right now you just need to let them know you love them no matter what, you will never stop loving or missing them. Remember important days, not just birthdays and Christmas. First/last days at school even just the term, random days you feel in your gut they need a little extra love. Remember to tell them how proud you are of who they are, that you are grateful to have been blessed with such a person in your life. Trust me one day they will see past it all, the resentment will grow if you play into the manipulation game, you just be a loving caring parent and let the other dig their own grave and don’t start digging yours next to them. I say this as a mother without the other parent in my children’s life, through my choice and his actions - DV, drug abuse, jail, and as a child who lived through it - NEVER SPEAK BADLY OF THE OTHER PARENT IN FRONT OF THE CHILD! It doesn’t matter how old they are or what the other parent did, remember one day that child will come looking for you and in that moment keep your mouth shut about the other parent. Rise above and just do the right thing by the child.

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REPLY
1 year ago
I try every chance i get, letters, messages etc. I could literally send a message at 10am knowing child is at school saying please say i love/miss *childs name* and no joke getting a response 2minutes later saying *child doesn’t care, they hate you they will never love you. With a bunch of other stuff including im just a child abuser, never done anything right (non of which is true)
I also have a box full of letters I haven’t sent.
I know that they are still young and I know that its tough having parents who split especially when dv and narcissism is involved
Who ive spoken to has said going back to square one and going family law court is best approach but that did alot of emotional and mental damage last time

The last changeover was completely normal, happy ,positive and then 5days later that was it.

Ive spent months trying to prove allegations against me aren’t true, doing all i can to prove im a good parent and person


ANSWER
1 year ago
Have you spoken to a lawyer? They might have some advice?
Can you write to your child? Even if it’s birthday and Christmas cards I think on the long run they’ll realise you haven’t ever stopped thinking about them.
I think in years to come your child may be grateful you never gave up. 13 is still so young.