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Relationship question

Did I fuck up?
I’ve been seeing a man for a while now. We talk every day, even when we don’t see each other, but the last week he has been really cold and hasn’t really been trying much. I don’t know if it’s nothing but it’s got me really anxious and I have a lot of thoughts running through my head. I feel like maybe I’m not giving him enough and he needs more.

Quick backstory:
My ex was abusive and cheated a lot. I have a lot of insecurities and trust issues as a result of this. I don’t know if it’s just me projecting my past on to my present which is why I need some idea of if this is just me being melodramatic or if there is something more.

I don’t want to ruin this by creating issues that aren’t there. Just don’t know what is happening.
Thoughts? Opinions?


Got an Answer?

Answers (9)

Ok, I asked him. He said he was really busy with work and was really stressed out because of it. I also got my period today (early) which explains my emotional outburst.
I want to just say thank you for all the support, I had no one to talk to about all of this and you all put me at ease. I’m so grateful for this site and all the helpful ladies on here.

 I’m glad you asked him. However, personally I’d still have doubts. Some people struggle with honesty and use excuses (like ‘I’ve just been busy/stressed at work) to avoid it. Hopefully I’m wrong but experience has made me skeptical.
helpful (3) 
 ^I am glad that you have pointed this out to OP. I really hope that he has just been busy but, honestly, it does not take but 30 seconds out of your day just to text or something just to let someone know you are thinking about them.
I truly believe if someone is genuine interested then there would be genuine consistent effort. Not this hot and cold crap.
I can't comment on this particular situation but watch someone's actions. And don't let them flit in and out of your life on their own whims. Do not be that available. You deserve more. Focus on your own life, too.

helpful (1) 
 Flip side some people do indeed go quiet when work is hectic. Dont overthink it just see how it goes
helpful (3) 
 ^^Yes, hopefully you are right and this does happen but unfortunately the way things are, it's also a possibility he is ghosting her and she should be prepared either way.
helpful (0) 
OP Thank you all. I am being cautious and preparing for the worst. I’ve decided I will wait for him to contact me again instead of me contacting him and hoping that next time he will want to meet me half way and make an effort. If he decides not to and doesn’t have the balls to say anything, I will leave it at that and take the hint. If he decides he wants this to continue he will tell me. I’m not into playing games or ghosting bullshit. I think I’ve already accepted that if this is it then there’s nothing I can do about it.
helpful (1) 
 Hes playing you
helpful (0) 

After what you went through with your ex,’don’t be afraid to ask questions and make sure this man deserves you. You’re worth it 💕

OP Thank you. I am going to prepare myself for it and ask him what’s going on. I don’t want to waste time and emotion on someone who may not be interested anymore. Hopefully it’s nothing more than he was busy, but if that’s not the case then I’m prepared to take whatever happens.
helpful (0) 

Perhaps just ask him. Maybe something else is going on in his life. Ask if everything is ok. Let him know you’re there for him etc. Then just wait and see what happens. If he continues to freeze you out, then he for whatever reason has decided to move on. And if this is the case, then so should you.

OP Thank you for the advise. I will ask him next time I talk to him. The more I think about it, the more I feel I’m just overreacting and I don’t want to come off as being a little crazy and making up conspiracies in my head, which is why I haven’t spoken to him. If it’s come to an end I’m willing to accept that.
helpful (0) 

Maybe he has another someone

OP I really hope this isn’t the case but it is what I keep thinking. I’ve been wrong in the past with other men, just projecting the past on to them and ruined it by accusing them. I won’t ask him that, but hope if he does he has the balls to tell me.
helpful (1) 

Second update:
Haven’t heard from him since our very brief chat yesterday. I’m no longer doubtful that he’s ghosting me or trying to play some sort of game, I’m not having any part of it. He can’t be busy because he’s been on Facebook all day. From now I’m just going to let this die out naturally and never catch feelings again.
Thank you all for bringing me to reality and not giving me false hope. I’m so angry that I let him in enough that he could cause any sort of heart ache.

 Im so sorry he ended up being a dud. Take some time out from dating for sure, but don’t give up on the feelings just yet. Not all guys are like that. Best of luck xx
helpful (1) 
OP Thank you. It’s just a little raw at the moment. Will not be dating for a while, just try to get over this and grieve the end of the relationship. I just wish he was good enough to tell me that it was over rather than just ghost me and block me from sm.
helpful (0) 
 ^ yeah that’s pretty cowardly. After 9 months, you deserve more than that. However, better you find out now his true character than a few years down the track when you have more than feelings invested in him. I think you probably dodged a bullet with that one.
helpful (1) 

How long is a while? Maybe you got a bit comfortable in the situation and he gave up the chase

OP It’s been 9 months. Haven’t seen him in over a week and the most conversation was a few minutes on the weekend. He’s now either blocked me or deleted his sm and hasn’t bothered to make any contact at all.
helpful (0) 

Of a person is important to you, then you keep in contact. They are a support when work isn’t busy and times are stressful. You always have time for a significant other.
If I was being ghosted like this I would ask if that’s the the type of behaviour I want in my relationship. Ignoring whether or not he’s being honest doesn’t matter. Do you think no contact /going cold for any reason is ok in relationships? For me it’s not ok as I feel that is disrespecting me.
This type of behaviour isn’t one that exists in my relationship. I see a major red flag in this relationship.

OP Thank you for your opinion. You have really given me a lot to think about. If it continues I will not stand for it.
helpful (0) 

He got what he wanted and is moving on. Don’t be sad kick him to the curb you deserve better.

OP Thank you for your opinion.
helpful (0) 

Reading between the lines,, you’re cheating!?!?

OP No, I’m not. I do worry that he thinks i am, but I think that’s a past projection as my ex always accused me of cheating even though I never did.
helpful (0) 
 Weird accusation to make. Maybe the op of this comment is an abusive partner to jump to that.
I would have thought the person that’s gone cold on the relationship (other person) May have moved on not op

helpful (5)