?

I assume in this situation it would refer to John Marsden. Meaning not being a parent yourself but telling everyone else where they are going wrong with their kids.

Sounds like my sister 😂

I have taken advice I got on here, I apologise if not taking yours has offended you. I only needed to keep the kids home once to get him to understand the kids aren't happy. I think long term he will appreciate me stepping in and trying to save his relationship with the kids. They are getting older and probably won't see him at all if things don't change. I'm working on helping the kids work on strategies to use while there, rather than stopping access.

There is no right nor wrong answer here. The different dynamics of the different family lifestyles will always clash. An innocent question like this has layers of underlying issues which can't be taken into account. However, children are adaptable and resilient and need to be given freedom from judgement of the parent with the day to day care (we'll assume the Mother) of the non-custodial parent's (we'll assume the Father) household. The question may be asked whether the Mother would have the same issues with a new person in her life who may have the same standards as the Father's new partner. The children should be encouraged to visit their Father and not given excuses to not. Sadly, it's the children who suffer in relationship breakdowns, just give them the love they deserve, all around.

Thanks, I personally wouldn't allow a partner to treat my kids like that. It's so difficult because they do need a relationship with their dad and if this continues he is going to lose them. And the rules are very silly, one night the kids called me to come and get them over an argument at dinner, they got in trouble for refusing to eat all their vegetables before the meat. The kids walked home from school on their own last night because they didn't want to go to their dads. They actually hid from him.

^ that is ludicrous, and taking control to the next level. You really do need to speak to your ex. If he finds these rules acceptable then you can’t do much unfortunately. But if you can convince him his girlfriend is going overboard with the rules and he is at great risk of losing them over it, maybe he will step in and be the one who says what’s what, not the new gf. Which is what he should be doing anyway.

I know many families that enforce eating all of your vegetables first. My new partner was always the same until he realised my kids eat the meat first to get that out of the way as they prefer vegetables and will ask for seconds of vegetables even if I pile them on their plate.
His kids are told to eat vegetables first and sometimes served vegetables before the meat /protein.

That's fine if that is how it works in your family. You can't just suddenly have a new person coming in and making that a rule and expect the kids to listen. It's not only that but how they sit on the couch, what clothes they wear and what they do in their free time. It's very difficult for kids to have someone new coming in running the house like a dictator. Especially as there weren't issues with the kids behavior to start with.

She is lovely and what she is trying to do is coming from a good place, but her inexperience with kids is going to cost her partner a relationship with them. They are there half the time, and it's not just being made to eat the vegetables, can you imagine someone constantly standing over you telling you which bite of your dinner you had to take first? I did wonder how accurate what the kids were saying was, but a family friend has commented on it too.

Her inexperience with kids??? She sounds like she’s all over it. Not having kids yourself doesn’t make a person not capable. A persons upbringing and life experience is what makes a person.
Sounds like the kids are playing you off against each other and no doubt putting on a show when family friend was there, no doubt she was being more firm with them with company there so the kids no she is consistent.
You can’t just let your kids decide they don’t want to go to their dads for these reasons, it’s hardly neglect. It’s also not acceptable to allow the kids to think it’s their choice if they go to dads. Sounds like you with the issue tbh. If this went to family court the family report psychologist would definitely not see this as an appropriate reason they not go to their dads.

Though I don’t disagree with what you wrote- I wish you wrote ‘different responder’ :)

Doing nothing would only put the kids at risk when they walked home on their own to avoid seeing their dad. He came and spoke to them on the weekend and the kids told him how they felt. Dad said he would talk to his wife, and kids agreed to go back to normal visits if she stopped bossing them around it went well. Kids were there last night and I called to see how they were going and they said she wasn't as bad, when she tried to tell them which bits of their dinner to eat first they just ignored her. So hope they work through it together.

Why would you put your kids through that?!? Why would you marry someone who doesn’t value your children!?!?

Agree, their father SHOULD nip her behaviour before he does fe m the sounds of it lose his kids. Once they are 18 they can tell him what a jerk he was!

Sorry for typos phone is so small and getting used to new screen lol. Get it all documented. If kids are scared to go sont send them seek legal and psychological help though so its documented.