Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Im feeling so lonely. I have two beautiful kids. My hubby and i dont fight, but we never get a chance to talk, without disruption. So i feel like he has just given up talking. We dont have sex as the kids are always attached to us a d sleep in our bed. I dont have friends, as ive always been a homebody. I know a lot of peopl but not friends in our social life.

There is a guy at work (he has a gf whom he never talks about) that ive started to like. He listens to me and is kind. And i would never do anything but just feel so lost and lonely that i have no one.

Report

Got an Answer?


Answers (4)

Oh shit. Don't go there with the other guy. Put your time and effort into fixing what you already have

Time to get the kids out of your bed. It might be tough to get them to sleep on their own, but it must be done.
Kids in your bed is the biggest passion killer possible.
There was a program on TV years ago, about a London based Nanny (Supernanny Jo Frost), who was consulting to couples who had kid (usually toddler), behavioural problems, and sorting them out.
That often involved sorting out the too soft parents.
She was adamant that kids should not co-sleep with the parents as it was so dangerous to marital intimacy.
She was really good, pity they don't have her series of episodes on Netflix at the moment.
Look her up on google, there are some videos there. You could search under the topic of "breaking co-sleeping".

Maybe you need to find a way to speak to your hubby. To reconnect somehow. There has to be a way to connect with him emotionally and physically. Try and talk to him and let him know how lost and lonely you are feeling. Don’t go to the lengths of even mentioning person ag work. That’s entirely going to wreck his trust for no reason.
Just let him know how you are feeling toward him and yourself. Chances are he may feel the same and it may be easier to reconnect than you thought.

 Ive told him, he doesnt say much. Just says yeh its the kids. Doesnt say yep i will try. I just feel like an idiot so ive stopped telling him im feeling this way
helpful (0) 

So this comes down to hormones. To affair proof your marriage you need to ensure you are generating your bonding hormones with your husband and not another otherwise you will continue to detach from your husband. You can start to build the bonding hormone oxytocin through touch. This one is fantastic for time poor couples as you can generate it in your sleep as long as you are touching skin to skin - to spooning etc without too many pajamas. Also prioritising enjoying new experiences together (even if your children need to be there), so go to a new cafe or playground instead of the usual one that you go to. Enjoying these new experiences together helps to generate similar hormones to those that new couples experience and enhances your relationship. Sex is also very helpful in generating bonding hormones, I would prioritise this as much as possible (... it doesn't need to happen in a bed). Good luck and please be careful with your work friend - hormones are very powerful. Also, if you get a chance to read about the love languages the information could be helpful to ensure your efforts towards your husband make the most impact possible.

 Op here. Thankyou for this response. I will really take this on board :)
helpful (1)