Do you already know she is probably a narcissistic mother? If not look it up! They always have a golden child and a scapegoat and if there are any extra children they will get pitted against each other until she dies and even afterwards (cue unfair wills etc). You are all expected to praise her and the golden child or look out. She meddles in your private life and it's hard to have a relationship with her in your life. If you are doing something she does not want you to do like having another baby or getting married or talking to someone she does not like, she will emotionally blackmail you- withhold attention to you and your kids, leaves you out of things and makes sure you know it, will buy you a $10 toaster for Christmas while your siblings get TVs. If she is anything like that then I know how you feel (ex inlaws) and I don't expect you to put up with it. Break free and run like the wind!

After reading this post I asked my psychologist about the golden child theme as it's the exact same with my older sister she can do no wrong. She said the narcissist projects all their wants and needs for themselves onto the golden child and sees them how they really want to see themselves. Therefore they have to be perfect because on the surface narcissists are perfect or so they think. Deep deep down they loathe themselves and think little of themselves but they can't face this. It sounds like the golden child should have a golden life but it also seems like a lot of pressure on them

My mum is like that. I have accepted that she is an unhappy person, and wants everyone else to be unhappy too. I limit contact with her.

Sounds like my mum. Nothing I do is ever good enough, but my brother still lives at home, doesn't have a job and just plays computer games all day and all I ever hear about is how wonderful and amazing he is. Yet if she needs help with anything or wants anything done she'll ask me despite me having 4 kids and being run off my feet running my own house.
Then she'll criticize literally everything I do. The other day she came over and criticized the way I organize my pantry and the fact that I have too much fruit in my house (well I have 4 kids that I'd prefer eat fruit over junk food), because she doesn't buy that much fruit for her house so why should I buy so much 🙄 and fruits like mangoes (that my kids love), are apparently a waste of money (my own money btw - not like I'm asking her to pay for them), the way I hang my washing is wrong, she's not a fan of the way iv put furniture in my own house and she would have done it better, why would I have a dog as a pet, and the list goes on ...
I have considered moving far away too, but just not possible right now

My mum is the same. My older brother was the golden child. He got what ever he wanted and could do no wrong. He was always being praised for being so smart and athletically talented, yet my younger brother and I were also excelling at school and sport and we never got a mention. We were told we weren’t as clever as our older brother. She made us out to be whingers and jealous to other family members. My older brother thought it was funny that we got treated like that. He would intentionally lie about things we’d done to see us get into trouble. But as soon as my older brother had his own kids he suddenly realised how bad mums behaviour was and he cut her out of his life. So now mum has no kids that want to be around her. And she still complains to my aunties and nanna that us kids never visit or do anything or her. We are still the bad guys.

My mother in law is also like this. She always had to be right and everything was always about her and how amazing she is. She put us down constantly and we put up with it and controlled us but once we stood up to her very politely when it was necessary ( she was trying to give my 12 year old dtg a glass of wine) she was so drunk that she forgot what happened and made up a big story how my dtg had made it up because she has 'problems' forgetting I was there when it happened. When she was caught out lying she just exploded, cut us out of the will and her life and made up horrendous stories about us to everyone we know mutually to turn them against us and make herself the victim. One by one she does this to family members and friends but yet ppl still believe her victim portrayal as she is so convincing. She is poison and now I realise we are better off without her in our lives. I feel safer now.

Sounds like a narcissistic personality and unfortunately can't change someone's personality. People won't understand because they probably hear you talk about your mum and think it was an argument with 2 sides not just your mum and think you're withholding ...but that's what happens in a narcissistic relationship. It really IS all her! Do so he research and set up some boundaries.

My mum is like this. You aren't alone and it's so incredibly hard.

Mine was the same. Not only did she treat my brother as the golden child, and disliked me, but she treated her brothers children, her nephew and niece, as even more golden, and always told my brother how fantastically successful his cousin was, and what a failure he was.
She went overseas to the 2 cousins weddings, bought them fantastic wedding presents costing thousands.
But refused to go to my wedding or my brothers wedding, as she didn't think his wife was "good enough for him".
I got an electric frypan as the wedding present.
She criticised my husband as she knew he was spiteful and verbally violent to me and the 2 kids. But because I had had a spat with her over her undermining of my discipline of my son, and had told him he could do and say what he liked, and didn't have to do anything I told him, when I split from my husband she offered him finance to fund his legal fight to take the 2 kids off me !
And she had seen the way he treated them.
And she told him I had saved some money to get away from him. He quoted back at me the exact amount and where it was stored, and she was the only person who knew, so she must have told him.
I did skip the country to get away from her, and it was the best thing I ever did.
If you don't want to do the same, you will have to cut her off totally. And have a few choice descriptions of her actions to throw at those who think you are in the wrong.
Mothers like that are very good at making it look to others like they are the loving mother. They are very destructive.
Maybe as this concept of narcisistic mothers becomes more well known fewer people will back them up.
I only discovered it a few weeks ago, and it certainly explained a lot.

I was watching Dr Phil the other day and he said to his guest “ would you allow a stranger to treat you this way”. She said no. Phil said “ then you shouldn’t let her treat you this way just because she’s a relative”. It made me really think of the relationship with my mother. Everyone tells me it’s ok for her to treat me like crap because she’s old. And that I should accept it because she’s my mother. Why??? Why should I accept it? Why have I accepted it? Well not anymore. After her latest tirade my kids don’t even like her anymore. I’m not giving her my time anymore. Not really an answer for you, just wanted you to know I understand how you feel.