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Am I being fair?

Answered 1 year ago

I can give too many details but the short is, my husband and I are splitting.
450k came from my parents, we have a 150k mortgage and the house has gained 170k in value.
The 450 legally he can’t touch (I won’t go into specifics, but he cannot get at this money, yes I am 100000% sure.)
After we pay off the mortgage we would be left with 180k to split.
My offer to him tomorrow is going to be I’ll pay him out 140k.
I’m now second guessing as I’m wondering if that’s fair?
Should I just give him 180 and be done knowing that I’m getting the house so I’m getting the lions share. But kinda not really cos the 450 wouldn’t be there is not for me so should it be redundant?
I think we can be amicable and I’m trying to make sure it stays on good terms.
We’ve set up the kids arrangement with ease. And ultimately have agreed it’s best not to sell the house and said we’d talk details tomorrow.

Should I just let him talk first? And go from there?
I wonder if nitpicking over 40k is even worth a potential problem with him feeling ripped off.


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ANSWER
1 year ago
So just went through this with my ex husband. Similar situation. I decided for the sake of relationships and the sake of the children that coming to an amicable settlement was more important. There was a lot of back and forth and after meeting somewhere in the middle we were deadlocked on about 20k I eventually just wrote off for my own sanity and to stay out of court.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Wait, so HE can't get to the 450K but YOU can? How tf? The way I'd look at it is, that 450K is your parents share in something. Not yours or his. Which is why neither of you have access to it.
So let's then look at the 180K left over. Technically, he is only entitled to 90 of that. So, if you go in with that mindset, you can then negotiate it to however you want.

Replies

REPLY
1 year ago
I can’t go into specifics but just that he has no stake in it. If we sold none of that would be split and it would go back in to the next property I got so I would retain the money again essentially.

Yes I know technically it should be split 50/50 but I kinda feel like me keeping the house gives him more cash and he’s better able to secure a good apartment with a small enough mortgage to mean he wouldn’t be forced to have roommates.

I can’t go into too many more details for fear of being found out, but let’s just say, I don’t pay to live in our current house and never will. This property became an investment when that opportunity came up.
Which is why I also feel like I should give him extra because I will be fine financially, he will go from easy street to kinda struggling. I don’t want to see him struggle but I also don’t want to be financially responsible for him anymore.
But I want him as our kids father to live well enough. I’m worried I’ll end up a push over in divorce as I was in the marriage.
But I also do want to be a little generous.

I don’t know my heads a mess right now. It hasn’t been for the last two weeks leading up to this talk.

REPLY
1 year ago
I think given you will be okay financially to offer to buy the house out, give him a fair price since you will be fine. This will keep the relationship ammicable and save issues later on.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Speak to a lawyer before you so anything.

ANSWER
1 year ago
$140k when he would only get $90k if it was half sounds more than fair. If he wants to negotiate up then you sound open to that so start there and then go up if need be. Sometimes losing some money for your kids to have parent able to talk to each other is better than your kids growing up in a hostile environment.