Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

What do you hate about your husband?


Got an Answer?

Answers (35)

What do I hate about my husband? His mother

 I know
helpful (0) 
 Wish i could like this comment 10000 times
helpful (1) 

I hated that he always put his needs above me and his kids. We're divorced now because he was cheating.

 I could have written this... just not yet divorced...
helpful (2) 

His depression

 You are a bitch
helpful (0) 
 It's ok to hate depression, it doesn't say she isn't supportive.
helpful (7) 
 This is an anonymous forum - sometimes it can feel good to actually write down how you feel without any repercussion. It’s cathartic. Leave her alone, if that’s one she ‘hates’ about her husband, so be it, let her have her say safely
helpful (8) 
 She's not a bitch. Supporting someone who is constantly depressed is very taxing. Especially if they don't want to help themselves.
helpful (5) 
 ^ so true, iv posted on here a few times and it comes off as cold a selfish but I can’t well do it to most people in real life.
It’s exhausting living with someone else’s depression.
When he’s well we have no problems and mostly don’t even fight, when he goes down, I lose a lot too. I walk on eggshells, everything I say is offensive, I get no sex, he needs a lot of time out so I work, take the kids all the other times and do all household chores. He coomplains about how we never have money (yet he spends $150 a week on himself)
It’s just fu****g exhausting.

Love the guys but hate his depression that comes with him with a passion.

helpful (4) 
 You are not a bitch. It is a nightmare. No-one knows what you go through if they haven't been there. Currently not having Christmas, can't afford food or gifts for our kids and so much more. It ruins your life.
helpful (0) 

When he drinks - he’s not physically abusive, but can get a little verbally nasty at times though. I hate it because it changes his personality, it dumbs him down and he nit picks with the kids or me. I love him so much when he’s not drinking, but once I know hes had a few- I don’t want to be around him at all, and then I get anxious & sullen and that just adds to the situation 🙄, and I’m having to watch everything me & the kids say or do. Of course, he says he doesn’t have a problem ...

 I could have written this myself
helpful (0) 
 Shit situation to be in. I feel for you x
helpful (1) 
 This is my husband when he drinks, I just avoid him and tell him I don’t want anything to do with him when he is drunk. He has learnt to accept it and does try to cut down most days
helpful (1) 
OP Same situation for me. Drinking being a reason and used as an excuse
helpful (1) 
 OMG I could have written this myself
helpful (2) 
 So how do we handle this then ladies?
If I say something & ask him to not drink then I’m a killjoy.
If I join in with the drinking - I’m asleep within an hour because that’s the crap reality of how my body deals with alcohol.
If I say nothing then the kids & I suffer and we have to tiptoe around & not react to his comments, not stand up for ourselves, feel the stress building in the house.
I grew up in an alcoholic family, he knows this, knows how it affected me, I’ve told him that if it gets worse I won’t stay. I dont look forward to retirement years because this could be his norm - a “few” drinks everyday because he can.
The days he doesn’t drink are the days I love - he’s the best thing in my life.
The days he drinks - I don’t know that guy, don’t like that personality, can’t deal with the anxiety it breeds.
And he gaslights me on those days too. Something will happen, but he’ll twist it to be my fault. Then I start to doubt myself, maybe I did do/say whatever it was.

helpful (3) 
 Previous poster, this is totally me too. He’s a great father and husband but I’m getting tired with the drunk version. He’ll irritate, gaslight, day inappropriate comments things/swear while drunk and in front of kids and I too feel that anxiety brew.
I literally ask him to stay out until after kids and I are in bed. Works some nights and some nights I join him in a drink and we do relax and have a good time. But if the mood isn’t good and he comes home tanked (before we’re in bed) that’s where it’s shitty. I’ve beeb holding everything back, just paying attention to keeping the house normal, but in the morning I’ll write a letter/msg for him to read highlighting the things he’s said in front of the kids as ‘normal’ and take it from there.
Don’t know if this is good advice or not. Others may say to get out of such a relationship but my battle is a few things I don’t really wish to leave the guy over.

helpful (0) 
 I don’t mean for this to come across as horrible, more so just a reflective thought from someone who married an alcoholic and went through so much trouble with him until I finally left....
If he is such a great husband and father, why is he choosing alcohol over his children and wife.
In my eyes a great husband and father chooses his family above everything else. Not alcohol.
As I said, I don’t mean to sound nasty - I just still can’t understand how men will allow themselves to lose their family for a drink.

helpful (3) 
 I’m the poster of the original comment about drinking - I guess he doesn’t really choose alcohol over family yet, probably because he doesn’t realise the actual impact it has on us. He doesn’t remember what happens & I don’t like to poke the bear by bringing it up the next day.
When things got ‘bad’ earlier this year and I had the courage to confront him, he must have thought about it because he changed to mid-strength beer. Which is well & good unless you buy a case & steadily work your way through it 🙄 Same outcome, just more cans consumed. I don’t want to break this family up, when he doesn’t drink he’s just great. I just need to try to manage each situation & keep the kids safe. If he became physically violent that would be a deal breaker, without hesitation!
It’s been nice to hear from others with similar situations, this isn’t something I’d ever discuss with friends sadly, thanks ladies xx

helpful (1) 
 That didn’t really make sense - he doesn’t choose alcohol over us, yet.
But he also doesn’t know the impact his behaviour has on us when he dry.
If it gets to a stage that is too frequent & too much then I will of course end up in a situation where he’ll need to choose.
Hoping to never get to that stage though.

helpful (1) 
 *when he drinks
not dry
(Wishing there was an edit option)

helpful (1) 

That when he gets a drink in his hand he is no longer a husband or father. He is one of the boys. Really pisses me off.

My husband has a motto: f^&K everyone one else; I am ok. This pretty much sums him up.

He embarrasses me in public. He has no concept of what should be kept private.
He also picks his no hair in front of me, bites his nails, does those bushie things to blow his nose but he misses every time. There are a few more hygiene issues but I can’t think of them all right now!

 You are with him because....
helpful (0) 
helpful (0) 

Gamberling addiction & compulsive liar

 This was my ex husband. Plus cheater and alcoholic. The whole package.
helpful (0) 

I love my husband, let me start with that. But, he's so controlling. I'm not "allowed" to do so many things. Just as an example: I saw a woman wearing a pair of boots that were just beautiful. I pointed the boots out to my husband, and he immediately goes on this rant how she looks like a wh**e and that women who wear boots like that (any non-work boot) are dressing like sl**s and must be gold diggers. I ended up buying a pair of modest little ankle boots (cute as f**k!) And holy hell. He went off! I looked ridiculous, they made my legs look chunky, people would think I'm out looking for a bit of side action, why am I dressing to impress other men, maybe I'm just like my mum after all (he thinks my mum is a gold digging tramp). I mean omfg, he was such a c**t about it. So now, it's easier to just go along with his shit than fight.

He's so narrow minded too. Like he has no interest in exploring and understanding other cultures or people. Behind closed doors he's a racist biggot. I've gotta really watch what he says in front of our kids so they don't pick up his bullshit.

He's financially controlling borderline abusive. He wants to know where every dollar goes, and why, and there have been times when I've had to pay an unexpected expense and had to pull it from the grocery budget, thus leaving it short. But I wasn't allowed to take some from the savings to make upthe difference.

He treats me like a 1940s housewife. If the house isn't spotless, children well groomed and quiet, dinner ready, and everything laid out for him when he gets home, he acts like a stroppy teenager. That extends to sex as well (not all the time though). Sometimes he just expects me to be ready and willing at a moments notice. Bitch, I need sleep, not dick! Maybe if I wasnt so damn exhausted, my vagina would be a little more welcoming, but right now? Haha no.

But I love him. For all his negatives, there are at least two positives. I love him so much.

 And you are with him because ...
helpful (5) 
 Your husband is emotionally and financially abusive, this isn't a cute quirk. Jesus.
helpful (11) 
 I'm with him because I love him. Because even though he can be an asshole, there is a really great side to him that I haven't discussed here. He's not perfect, but neither am I. I appreciate your concern, but I don't regard his behaviour as abusive, just controlling.
helpful (4) 
 Other responder- You said boarderline abusive.. just to clarify.. perhaps you are in it so deep and you are getting other perks that you are classifying it as non abusive. I also wondered when you said you need to whatch what he says in front of your kids... what about what he is modelling about how to treat women and place limits on them? I’m sorry- I really don’t want to be questioning your relationship , you are in love and that is wonderful, but I read some points there too that made me question you comments back
helpful (1) 
 I'm sorry but the times he is good to you is when you are doing as you are told. Any form of "good" side is simply there as a manipulation tool.
helpful (1) 

His laziness and his personal hygiene. I find him so gross now.