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Not liking the person you were in that relationship.

Answered 2 years ago

Has anyone experienced dating someone whether it was a boyfriend or ex husband and you just didn’t like the person you were in that relationship?
Just after everything with my partner I just can’t get over things, holding grudges and I’m just constantly pissed off and I just hate it.


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ANSWER
2 years ago
Try to remember who you were before he came into your life. Music helped me remember how carefree & happy I was before a particular relationship. Remember how full of love & laughter you were before they came along. Try to focus on that, do it regularly like every day & before you know it you'll start feeling that way again, i did... Never let anyone make you feel like you need to be less like you to make them happy. It's a journey good luck.

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REPLY
2 years ago
I totally agree with this comment. Been with hubby 20yrs, have 2 kids and I've finally decided after all this time actually I'm going to be selfish and not come 2nd, 3rd or 4th anymore. I love to sing and dance (no good at it tho haha) and stifled that because noone else likes my music. So the last 2 weeks I've got the Bluetooth speaker going and have been cranking my tunes and have a right old sing and dance while prepping and cooking dinner. Just something so small makes me feel less of just a mum / wife and more of me.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Yes this has happened with me. I think people can have an influence on you, especially the person in a relationship with you (whose meant to be the closest!!) From my experience things got so bad with my ex partner that we ended up fueling each other but not in a good way. He would be mean, so I'd do something petty and stupid back ( but very out of character for me). But i don't hold it against myself what I was like in that relationship as we are all influences of each other and now I'm in a great relationship and we bring out the best in each other rather than the worst. Also it helps to see the relationship as a learning experience. From my bad relationship I learnt about the worst parts of myself. For example I stole a bottle of vodka from my ex after he'd been nasty to me. In that time I was more along the thinking of 2 wrongs make a right! But they didn't and they still don't. If id have never stolen the vodka I'd never have known I was capable of it and wouldn't be able to sit here and confidently say I will not do it again. You have to forgive yourself for your past mistakes to be able to move on. Just because you were like that once doesnt mean thats who you are or who you want to be. We have to make mistakes to learn from them and remember mistakes are different to failures.

Hope you manage to work it all out :)

Peace ✌

ANSWER
2 years ago
Yes. With my ex. He always made me doubt my worth in such a way that I didn’t see it until the relationship ended. He was co-dependent, deeply suspicious and jealous of everything. I ended up like you, holding grudges, pissed off over the smallest things with him. I have since realised that the way I was acting was really just a reaction to his behaviour.