My partners ex found out he was having the snip and thought it was because he just didn’t want kids with me and she was floating to the world because apparently she tried to get him to have it done before leaving him so he didn’t have more kids.

It’s me that doesn’t want more children, I told him that if that’s a deal breaker he needs to move on now.
Their son was ear wigging when we told my friend that if he didn’t get the procedure done we would have to take out a loan to buy a condom factory and it gets annoying having to grab a condom all the time. It was also said that We especially me didn’t want to have to put up with her shit and that her shit would get worse if we had a child.

Now she carries on like a pork chop and says we can’t afford condoms.

I think it was such a low act to try and get him to have the snip before leaving him that I have been tempted to start a rumour that we are trying for a baby or maybe go to coles when someone she knows is working and buy a handful of pregnancy tests just to piss her off

Well if you need a restraining order you need to document all abusive communication and keep any texts, emails etc.
But maybe before going down that road, you could try and meet at a public place, just you and her and air out your grievances for the sake of your children. You could explain all the reasons why you said what you did....this is you playing the higher moral ground. But do what's right for you, and shame on your dick head ex

"I did say I wanted to wait until his partner was to old to have children, before I left as I don't want my children to have half siblings"

That is incredible selfish

First of all drop ”the other woman” whatever happened, happened.

There now needs to be a level of respect both ways as step mother and mother.

It's time to be mature

Thanks for all the advice. I think we need to go back to counseling as someone suggested, the kids now won't speak to their dad now as before the argument they didn't know about the affair, and she made an unkind reference to the boys which my oldest understood. My husband has called and said to give her time, as she is really struggling with the possibility of not having a child, is blaming me as it's easier. I just want to laugh in her face as she really has torn this family apart. I will see if my husband will do counseling with the kids and too.

I can understand the OP not wanting her ex to have more children with somebody else. It's probably jealousy. You shouldn't have opened your mouth about it though. I would have taken that secret to the grave

I applaud you for being the bigger person here and wanting to make a co-parenting relationship work for your kids sake. That’s the best option for them. You won’t make her come around, she’ll have to do that by herself. I don’t blame you for comparing her to stepping in dog shit, she was with a married man with kids, there could have been more colourful words you could have used. If she is being abusive or harassing you, then you need to decide what sort of threat she is and take it from there. If you can, try to get into mediation and get them both to come along, keep it civil and be calm, think about what’s best for your kids while your in there. Hopefully that will help you to effectively co-parent. Start slowly, only communication with your ex and then if she comes around you can with her. You got this momma, just keep putting your kids first and try to let go of all the pain and anger for your own sake too.

Try family counseling. This will helhelp you learn to communicate regarding the children, be on the same page about your parenting plan, and smooth over some of the bigger issues between you. They'll involve the kids once the adults can be adults. This also presents a united front to the children so they will be less likely to play you against each other.
I also had to get a seperate phone to communicate with ex, and his new lady friends, and his family. This way I could control when i was available to them by shutting it off and wouldn't have to get 1000 f-you's from girlfriends thinking i force ex to prioritize our children over them, or i force him to over pay, etc. It also allows me to let ex see what his friends are saying to me about him and our children without giving him access to my personal life.

I wish your children the very best in this messy situation.
Don't let them become pawns in your personal war.
I was a pawn in my parents marriage. The only person they hurt was me. To this day I am still in damage control.

Wouldn’t it be better to separate and be happy then allow this to define your life? Think of the bigger picture, not sure how old your kids are but you could downsize and share parental responsibilities, have a weekend off once a fortnight. Study, work go out with friends rediscover yourself, and then when you are ready find a man who appreciates you.

Far out woman, grow up and put your kids first. This is why so many kids are fucked up in divorce cos y’all project the anger and bitterness in failed relationships onto the kids. And involve them in adult issues;

This OP sounds like she’s got a good head on her shoulders and y’all are trying to tell her to be an asshole to her kids.
Yes WHATEVER and HOWEVER you treat your ex that’s what you do to your ex.


Op let the dust settle and attempbto have a chat with her. So your best to hold her tounge, at the end of the day what you did was spiteful and not very cool, apologise, explain you were hurt. Be the bigger person for your kids.
It’s the atmosphere they have to live in. It’s up to you to make it as harmonious as possible, even when others do wrong by it and make you work ten times harder

Let’s be honest, there was always a strong chance of this happening after sticking it out with that plan in mind. So now all you can do is try to make the ride easy for the kids. Keep everything calm for them. Talk to your counsellor about how to parent your way through a divorce.