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Husband hiding money not contributing. Wife pays all. Both working. Anyone experienced this?

Answered 1 year ago

My best friend is a hard working woman and has studied hard to get where she is. She is the main earner in her household however her husband works as well. She pays for ALL bills, rent, groceries shopping and clothing for her children . He contributes nothing at all. In fact, he has been getting extra income from little jobs here and there and has been hiding the money from her. After paying all the bills this month, she has 700 dollars left in her account for her and the family. She was absolutely in distress when she found out that he has 6000 dollars in his account and yet has not helped the family, leaving her to suffer! This has been going on for months of him hiding money claiming that he has no money. Has anyone experienced this? She has not yet confronted him about. I think she should leave him. Sitting back hiding cash while your spouse spends her entire wage on the family and not even offering to help and claiming he has no money is a disgrace!!

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ANSWER
1 year ago
Ask her how ideally, she would like the situtation to be. I was in a situation like this and someone asked me what I wanted, not to complain of the problem.. and I thought, I want a joint account and 100% honesty and openness with everything. Then can I make an appointment to talk to hubby. So I asked him, not nagged him or complained when he came home or I did tired but said I have to discuss something I really want for us, can we do it at this time. Be positive and upbeat, and focus on the vision not the problem. I had alreay used a book like Barefoot Investor but and American guy to discuss money but time I had to be more direct. I said, when I was growing up, my parents shared moneya nd had one bank account, I think. THey have a business together and mum always had access to money even when dad was main earner and he always had access too. There were maybe some secrets like if mum bought an outfit, she didn't tell him always or dad goe to coffee and she things coffee shops are wasteful but.. not big stuff and they were okay. Now for us, I would prefer to share our money and have joined savings goals. Before we talk of our spending, I wanted to share I really want to buy a house. I know I like spending on coffee, it's a bit of a weakness, Where do you think I could cut back? How do you see the way I spend money?

THEN.... thank them for feedback. ANd ask What is important to you? What do you think we could do to get on same page with goals and spending?

My hubby didn't know we were in debt, he had "switched off". We went to counselling (through a church as too broke to afford privately) when I cracked it and then we had weekly report on spending and the debt until it was gone and got on same page. We talked of our childhoods.
Tell your friend to ask him what he wants first and get him to critique here. It's a reverse psych thing... And he might have all these insecurities etc. Turned out my hubby was hiding money and helped his brother and mum and it was wrong but there was a reason for it and I got the reason and forgave him and now we great.

ANSWER
1 year ago
I don't get why she would believe he has no money considering he was working, but not contributing anything. Where did she think his wages were going? Either way it's up to her to work it out with her husband.

REPLY
1 year ago
My husband tells me he cannot contribute because he has no money. I sneakingly checked his accounts and he is always overdrawn. I do not know where his cash goes by it does not go on household stuff or family bills.
He does not appear to have a drug problem.
I cannot work it out but we got separate accounts few years back because he was spending all the money I was saving and earning, so now it's his own account it's not my business according to him

REPLY
1 year ago
Porn, gambling, hookers or secret family?

REPLY
1 year ago
^Do you speak from experience?

ANSWER
1 year ago
You seem to know an awful lot about her finances

REPLY
1 year ago
I am assuming the friend has told her , you know as she said in distress.

REPLY
1 year ago
They’re friends. Friends talk.

REPLY
1 year ago
Exactly, my closest friend I have no problem sharing my pay, savings and debt details with

ANSWER
1 year ago
I think she should’ve said something earlier for sure, but now that it’s been too long your friend needs to be firm when bringing this up to her husband if she’s wanting to stay with him. Be firm with telling him what she wants and what he needs to do... they definitely need to have a big talk!!

ANSWER
1 year ago
This isn't any of your business to be honest. If she can't face him and talk about it then what does that tell you about their relationship. You're not there to provide any solutions it's upto her, by all means support her but do yourself a favour and don't get involved

REPLY
1 year ago
Did you not ever think that maybe her best friend told her? Pretty sure their isn’t another way of her finding out. Smh

ANSWER
1 year ago
So confront him and share the bills or don't and leave or stay and continue this wau. It's a pretty cut and dry choice.

ANSWER
1 year ago
If she leaves- and it goes through court for custody, he will be required to declare all money/savings/assets and it will be split evenly. She will need to prove she’s been supporting the family on her own. My good friend has just been through this- he had $20k in a secret account and it was split as an asset because she had contributes more throughout their relationship.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Maybe he was saving it to leave her, just like some women do. Or perhaps he was saving it for something special like a holiday for the family etc it’s none of your bloody business anyway!

ANSWER
1 year ago
He is a user. They don't change, and there is never a good future living with someone like that.

ANSWER
1 year ago
My husband hid $50,000 in an account and then got a $55,000 loan behind my back and hid it. I only found out when I opened a bank statement and hit him up. After that he wasn’t allowed a Personal account. But I left after 8 years 3 weeks ago and am a lot happier. Too many lies and secrets. Too much cheating and carrying on! I don’t get why you can’t be transparent and the need for lies