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'Step' parents - advice please.

I need some guidance / advice from people who have step children who live with them, and also have biological children. I am currently pregnant with my first child with my husband. He has three children from a previous relationship who live with us full time, have no contact with their Mother. I have been their SAHM for nearly 2 years now, I stopped working to support my husband in his career and help the kids with their education. Day care was not suited to them either. Since becoming pregnant, they are very excited that we will all be biologically connected. Two out of three of them, have started really acting up. I believe it's a combo of a 6 week break, 1 going into high school this year and the new baby coming along. For those who have been in this situation, what did you do when you had a baby come into the picture? How did you help with how they were feeling? We include them a lot in baby planning, but don't just make everything we do about the baby, we have normal life too!

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Answers (4)

Just wanted to share, we had our Gender scan today and we are having a girl! The kids joined us in the scanning room and we told them they would have a little sister. They were over the moon! Went went out shopping later on and the kids went beserk picking out pink clothes and toys. It was really awesome. Feeling very blessed our little family is complete.

Hey. Sounds like end of school holiday grumpiness. Get the kids to buy a present for the baby. Make them feel special too but sounds like you already are. Time with just bio dad always makes kids feel special so encourage that. Sounds like you are a lovely family. Well done.

OP Thanks :-) I had thought of going out altogether and they can select something for the baby each.
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 Love the gift idea! What about getting some plain onsies and fabric markers so they can make some fun personal ones for bubs?
helpful (1) 
 And maybe a surprise pressie for each of the kids from baby (for when they first meet Bub )
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I don't have any advice sorry but I just want to say you sound like such a lovely lady! I've just gotten into a relationship that comes with a beautiful boy the same age as my son and I want to be just like you! I wish you and your family all the happiness in the world you sound like beautiful people to be around!!!

OP Wow thank you! It's so nice of you to say something so lovely. Congratulations on your new relationship. Honestly, it is challenging, but it is rewarding in so many ways. Remember your son, and you will be getting used to your new partner and his child and vice versa. As you will know, children don't always understand what they are feeling and act in certain ways. Just be honest, keep the lines of communication open, patient and do fun things together, and separately as well. Don't forget date nights - time as a couple is really important. All the best for your future together xx
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I have also heard of gifts from the baby to older children. Prehaps if you will be getting photos done you can take the girls shopping to buy a pretty dress for the family pics? Maybe a girl day of getting pedi's? At the local asian nail bars here an adult is 30 and kids are only 5 to get done? Also ive heard not holding the baby when they first meet helps? Like if they come up to hospital get hubby to text you when there n put baby in the cot thing instead of holding him/her...

OP A friend of mine did that - gave a gift to the older sibling. We took the kids out today and they chose a toy each. When we find out what we are having they've asked to pick some clothes out too.
It's interesting about not holding the baby when they come into the room. I wonder why that is?

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 So yours arms are open for hugs. They haven't seen you in at least a few hours, probably even a day. If you are holding the baby when they walk in, you are already splitting the focus.
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OP I never thought of it that way! That is so true too. I have already decided too that all of us will hop into the car and drive home from the hospital together. I don't want them coming home, to their home, and we're there with this new baby. We should come home together as a family.
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 We did it so they were home with Moppy (dad's mom, no idea why she chose that name). They made a lil welcome home party for me and the latest addition since we stayed a whole week at the hospital. Because of serous flu outbreaks that year, they hadn't been able to visit. We video chatted every day, but they were dying to meet their brother and get me home since "dad sucks at [my] job." They had a banner, a baby holding station (good arm chair with hand sanitizer and burpee cloths piled on the table next to it), and some of my favorite foods. It was very special for me to feel like they wanted me as their mom and that they were welcoming my contribution to their pre-existing family.
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OP That is so lovely! And how thoughtful too. Sounds like you've got a great family there :-)
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