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Step daughters hair.

My step daughter is four and visits us every Sunday for the day. She has long beautiful hair which usually hasn't been brushed for a few days so I coat her hair in detangling spray and brush it for her, its so bad this takes about 20 minutes. A few months ago her dad took her to the hairdresser and got it cut (about 4cm cut). Her mum was not happy about it. We didn't see her last week and this week her hair was almost in dread locks. I tried to brush her hair but she got so upset I just left it. If its still like this next week her dad is going to take her to get it cut short. Is it worth having a huge fight over getting her hair cut or would you just leave it? I feel so sorry for the poor little girl.

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Answers (12)

Take lots of photos of it before you do this. Photos that show the date on them. That way when the mother kicks up about the haircut and tries to deny access, you've got proof she's being unreasonable and you're looking out for the best interests of the child.

OP ok thanks.
helpful (1) 

wow dont understand some women, so precious about their daughters not getting their hair cut and growing it super long, yet not look after it! don't they realise that short hair would look much nicer if they cant be bothered brushing it.. so strange

 I love doing my daughters hair its so important. I think scruffy hair looks like you don't take care of your daughters hair.
helpful (1) 
 Exactly.. If they don't want to care for their daughters hair, cut it short? Poor little girls, it must be so uncomfortable too.
helpful (0) 

Take photos and arrange mediation. Get it cut short and give her a brush, strangling spray and a lesson on how to use it.

 Detangling* don't know why my phone isn't normal.
helpful (1) 

Keep note of it with photos. Try doing some cute tight braids. They will stay in for a few days amd keep her from getting tangled.

OP Thanks
helpful (0) 
 I had hair past my bum as a girl and hated having it brushed. My mom would let me skip a day here and there if i kept braids in because she knew it wouldnt be more work later. As soon as it was up to me, I got a pixie. Maybe look at some teen/tween mags for hair style ideas she likes and go for the cut. It grows back and by then she will be old enough to care for it
helpful (0) 

Please let us know the outcome. Its a sticky situation. Can the daughter make a point of saying she want her mum to do her hair nicely like how stepmum does it? Hehe

I have this same issue. I spend all weekend undoing matts and knots. Mum doesn't give a f

OP Its awful!
helpful (0) 
 Yeah u don't wat to point out its Matty because even though that's a fact they'll take it as u picking on their daughter.

If you're amicable with the mum could u perhaps say boy her hair is hard work ! It must take u ages to fix it every day! Then she may reply with 'well I don't get to it everyday' then go fro there?

helpful (0) 

If you're so interested in helping this child, why don't you go for custody. 50% care of the girl. You get a visit every Sunday but want to step in and change things. Only a real parent can do that and a visit once a week isn't a real parent.

OP He is working on it. It took a year just to get Sundays.
helpful (0) 
 Take it to court. It's his child too. If he wants to be a parent he has to fight and not just sit back and wait.
helpful (0) 
 Wow that is nasty! Dads usually have to fight for the right to have access to their kids.
helpful (0) 
OP He will when she is older. At the moment her mum stays home with her, if dad was to have her half the time she would be in child care all day.
helpful (1) 
 How judgemental! Just because a parent didn't have full time access or 50/50 custody dose not mean they are not a parent!
helpful (3) 

Why not get it braided. Then it wont need brushing for the rest of summer.

is it just the hair? is mum neglectful in other ways?

OP Just the hair.
helpful (0) 

Perhaps let the mum know your concerns and say if it doesn't improve then in two weeks you will cut it. The other thing is to wait until it gets so matted there is no choice for the mother to cut it.

OP This is what I suggested
helpful (0) 

Maybe mum is too nasty with the brush and she won't let her touch it? Just a suggestion. I wouldn't let my mum brush my hair as a kid cause she would reef the brush through and it hurt. I'd wait for dad to come home of a night (so I'd spend all day looking like no one loved me as I have very curly hair) and I'd get him to brush it before bed. Just a thought. I'm all for the cutting it short idea, whether that's the case or not 👍

 I was the same, but i wouldnt let anyone brush my hair! I ended up having short hair until i was 22 as it wouldnt grow past my shoulders until i moved to the tropics.
helpful (0) 

The mother might kick up a stink but in my experience if you dont get angry and simply stick to the facts eg if her hair is that bad she's not doing the best job as a mother to care and look after her child and you're questioning what else is being neglected the mum usually shuts up. But thats my experience. We deal with headlice and sores every pickup!

 But i definitely agree keep photos of everything!! Date and document!
helpful (0)