Do i hold some blame? I keep replaying it over and over. *trigger warning* sexual assault.
Answered 5 years ago
Me and a gf had a girls night. Many drinks. She was hammered I was drunk but had my wits. Back at her place with her fwb (long-standing fwb of 2 years). He groped and grabbed me I told him not to touch me. He continued 3 more times and each time my refusals were harsher and warnings were stronger. The last time I told him if he did it again I would hit him. He did and I hit him. I asked my gf if she wanted me to get him out but she said no she wanted him to stay and wanted to bang him. I left but heard them yelling so I went back with another warning for him and told her to call me if she needed. The next day she sent me pictures of bruises and bite marks.. finger marks on her throat. She consented to sex but after he turned viscous, chocking and biting her and being to rough. Then he left without a word. I feel responsible to a degree. Like he punished her for my actions and I should have stayed and stopped it. I’m sick about it. Do I hold blame? Am I the worst friend in the world?
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You and your friend need to let it go and lesson learnt
No alcohol around men
If you go to court you will be asked about your sexual history and witness’ will be called and court case can take months to get to court and drag on months or years
You will be on the news and on social media
You might lose your kids if you are a single mum
Seek legal advice
Don’t waste police time if you decide not to go to court
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Drinking around men? Not illegal.
Getting drunk? Not illegal.
Flirting? Not illegal.
Sexual assault? Illegal
Physical assault? Illegal
Get the picture?
The only one at fault here is him.
There hormones raging
Alcohol inside them
How about you feck off
You can bet if you like but you’d lose and even if we were acting seductively.. ANYTHING BEFORE THE WORD NO IS IRRELEVANT TO THE ASSAULT. Nothing a woman, does, says, wears or consumes provokes rape or sexual assault. We are not responsible for making sure men don’t get the urge to touch us, the onus is on them to control them self.
As for my sexual history, for one, that would be a short statement. I’m almost 10 years with my partner whom I have 2 children with, I have no criminal record. I’m a very reliable witness. Secondly, my sexual history is completely irrelevant to what happened that night. If I slept with 100 men or 10000 men before this does not give any man the right to touch or molest me.
I will not lose custody of my children because I report a sexual assault.
I know you’re a troll but you’re really awful at it. Sorrynotsorry
Unless you marionetted him or held a gun to his head, nothing you did/said/thought made him behave that way. It sounds like this guy was looking for an opportunity to abuse your friend, and found that opportunity while she was drunk.
Shit babygirl he sexually assaulted you before he even laid hands on her that night.
Regardless of whether you had been drinking, no means no. It doesn't mean "wait for more time to pass and try again, just in case the alcohol changes her ability to consent". You said no, he came back at least twice more. If your friend won't press charges (I recommend she does though), I think you should tell the police what he did to you. Who knows how many other poor women he's pulled that shit with.
Goddamn it this pisses me off. I don't often jump on the "kill the patriarchy" bandwagon, but this is a prime example of toxic masculinity. He ASSAULTED two women that night, but the fact you even have pause to think that you caused it, like fuuuuuuuck. Women are conditioned to blame themselves. Urgh. "Maybe if I'd just shut up and passively allowed him to get away with his bullshit, my friend wouldn't have suffered" - NO! Babygirl your distress for your friend is natural. But you had nothing NOTHING (nada, zilch, zip, zero) to do with his actions.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to calm down, and also look at the newest models of chainsaws out... for "unrelated reasons".
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I’ve actually argued with my partner all weekend about it because he was trying to convince me that my friend had some blame...and he was annoyed when I wouldn’t agree. And then today I had a lletz procedure by a male dr who got irritated at me for having a physical reaction to pain! Then told me zero information. I was told to go home and given no Aftercare info...not even a pamphlet or a panadol so over all it’s been a pretty tough few days... where my vagina, mental health and self esteem are concerned