Yes thanks, I totally get that I'll be in the background, I just don't know how much more in the background I can be without ceasing to exist. On the other hand he has been great at keeping in touch daily through messages, but it became so robotic. I know it sounds psycho but he'd go to a wedding and i'd not hear from him for 24 hours. Sometimes it will be 10 pm before he can send me a little reply. I know that sounds psycho that I've timed him lol but i'm like Jesus, sometimes just give me something. Not all time. But i also feel selfish knowing what year he has had so I'm trying to be patient. I just wish he'd understand that my comment came out of a place where I reached a build up of trying to be so 'contained' if that makes sense. Anyway still no contact since Sunday so I messaged him earlier to suggest meeting up face to face but no response sadly.

I think you're fine you don't need to see a counselor, if anything you're probably a little hard on yourself. I do the same thing. You're human luv, not a robot, everyone is different & reacts differently to things. Decide how you really feel about this guy. Do you want him in your future? Does he have traits you just don't find very often? Does he have a good soul? Sounds corney but that is key. If you want him, chase it. What's the worse that happens? He rejects you. But then you'll know he wasn't the one & you can move on. There is no set course to love. My husband & I didn't have a smooth start to our relationship 10 years ago. We tested each other alot, we had leftover issues from previous relationships trust, fear, abandonment issues etc but honestly I think it made us stronger because at the end of it we were very clear about what we wanted, our path & haven't had any problems since.

I had a similar relationship last year. I constantly felt insecure with the lack of certainty in the relationship. He had a lot going on in his life and wasn’t ready for the full on public relationship. He walked away saying the same thing about it being too much. Best thing that ever happened to me. 6 months later met a guy who was ready for everything I wanted. Haven’t once felt that same insecurity. The guy ended up messaging me a few months ago saying letting me go was one of his biggest regrets.

Relationships should be easy and fun in the beginning, having problems like this at 3 months in is a big red flag for me. Id say walk away, if its meant to be he will chase you.

When you date a man or woman that has children you need to understand and respect that you will ALWAYS some second. No matter what, the kids will come first - and so they should. You said he has some stuff going on at the moment, you need to either support him or let him breathe. 3 months is not a long time to know someone enough to open up. Take a chill pill babe, let is happen naturally

Move on

OP here. I have been quite patient at the start but admit lately I've been a little more painful. Possibly some self sabotage or wondering if he will let me go. Almost like 'testing' which is stupid and pathetic as he ain't got time for that shit. I'm generally quite secure but occasionally I go through some stressed / emotional silly phases.

Go and see a counsellor to work on your self esteem.