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Is this financial abuse?
Answered 4 years ago
Just found out this has been my best friends life for the last ten years
Husband is a builder, their house is essentially ‘uninhabitable’ because it’s got so much half finished work and unsafe stuff
She works and saves for the house ‘fund’ to try and fix things, finish jobs and when she gets to a decent amount like 10k for a bathroom and toilet, he withdraws it all and buys a motorbike or new trailer or books a trip to Bali or something. Without consulting with her or asking.
I found out today and told her that’s financial abuse not to mention dishonest and unfair considering that they live in a s$it hole but he has motorbikes etc
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ANSWER
4 years ago
No abuse.
Prick of a husband.
Prick of a husband.
ANSWER
4 years ago
Wow so many exciting responses.... how's everyone's day going? Cause you're all tearing each other apart - it's really ugly.
I'm sorry but your friend married a wanker. What she needs to do is set up a secret account. It's not hard these days. An online account & have the bank statements sent to her email. She's going to have to play smarter & get really sneaky. She's obviously made a decision that she's going to stay with him. Marriage counseling might do them some wonders but she's probably flogging a dead horse if that's the kind of man he is. At the end of the day it's her life & if she wants to live like that you'll have to accept it or at least stick around long enough to pick up the pieces when she's had enough.
I'm sorry but your friend married a wanker. What she needs to do is set up a secret account. It's not hard these days. An online account & have the bank statements sent to her email. She's going to have to play smarter & get really sneaky. She's obviously made a decision that she's going to stay with him. Marriage counseling might do them some wonders but she's probably flogging a dead horse if that's the kind of man he is. At the end of the day it's her life & if she wants to live like that you'll have to accept it or at least stick around long enough to pick up the pieces when she's had enough.
ANSWER
4 years ago
Self prick, she should be responsible enough to save in an account he can not access
Replies
REPLY
4 years ago
Way to victim blame!
REPLY
4 years ago
I'm not the OP of this comment.
Whilst yes, it is victim-blaming, by the sounds of it, this happens fairly regularly, so at some point, yeah, she should be doing something to protect her savings.
Whilst yes, it is victim-blaming, by the sounds of it, this happens fairly regularly, so at some point, yeah, she should be doing something to protect her savings.
REPLY
4 years ago
No I am not victim blaming! She is not a victim here, it’s happened more than once, she needs to take responsibility!!!
I wouldn’t have much sympathy for anyone after the first time this happened.
I wouldn’t have much sympathy for anyone after the first time this happened.
REPLY
4 years ago
Wow what a bitch ^
REPLY
4 years ago
A bitch? More like I am looking at the reality . It’s a bit like leaving your front door wide open and constantly getting robbed , than expecting sympathy for the 2,3,4 time!
This is not financial abuse, so many people are quick to label stuff abuse.
The friend sounds good at saving, maybe her next ‘project’ needs to be an account to afford to leave his sorry arse! Saved into an account he does not even know about and definitely can not access !!!
This is not financial abuse, so many people are quick to label stuff abuse.
The friend sounds good at saving, maybe her next ‘project’ needs to be an account to afford to leave his sorry arse! Saved into an account he does not even know about and definitely can not access !!!
REPLY
4 years ago
Where's your compassion?
ANSWER
4 years ago
I think it’s definitely a form of financial abuse. It sounds like she is married to an impulsive teenager rather than a man unfortunately.
ANSWER
4 years ago
I'm not sure it's actually 'abuse'. That's when access to money is withheld, used against someone to control or hurt them, or lied about.
He's just a selfish prick who has no respect for his wife, family & financial security.
She has options - remove his access to the money or hide it. But, then, is that abuse? Or sit down with him & create a budget, with goals, that he agrees to. Or put up with it, or leave.
You're a good friend to be worried but there's nothing you can do. I've a friend who's husband put her on a 'salary' to pay the household expenses. It's obviously because he doesn't want her spending too much on food & stuff for herself/kids & spends everything he wants. It really grates me but as long as he's not doing anything abusive it's not my business.
He's just a selfish prick who has no respect for his wife, family & financial security.
She has options - remove his access to the money or hide it. But, then, is that abuse? Or sit down with him & create a budget, with goals, that he agrees to. Or put up with it, or leave.
You're a good friend to be worried but there's nothing you can do. I've a friend who's husband put her on a 'salary' to pay the household expenses. It's obviously because he doesn't want her spending too much on food & stuff for herself/kids & spends everything he wants. It really grates me but as long as he's not doing anything abusive it's not my business.
ANSWER
4 years ago
IMO yes but I'd be more concerned how big of a prick he is to my friend
Replies
REPLY
4 years ago
I am concerned, I told her this today but she just kind of laughs and says ‘married to a builder hahahahahah’ but at the same time tells me how she hates living in such a horrible house. I think it is financial abuse but need to strategically approach it further without causing offence. Maybe she does need help but doesn’t know how to get out?