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Ever regret having kids?

Im gonna be honest I have these thoughts and regrets throughout motherhood. I love my kids though but I sometimes I wish I was single and living the free life. Did you ever have these thoughts, too?


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Answers (19)

I feel like my life has more purpose now. Before kids I wasn't afraid of death. If I died it'd just be 'meh'. Family would be sad for a bit and would grieve but they'd all get on with their lives and be perfectly fine without me. Now I have kids I am so afraid of dieing. Not the death part for me but the "what would happen to them" bit.
Becoming a mother has made me more aware of life; the beauty in it and the frailty of it. And I'm so much more grateful for being alive.
But having said that, I am a SAHM and sometimes I do think that my life should have amounted to more than cleaning the same messes, mopping the same floors, wiping the same bums, making the same dinners. Every. Single. Day. Over. And over. And over again. Day in, day out.
I often wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't have had kids. I probably even fantasise about it. But after a couple of minutes of thinking about being in some foreign country running a muck, I start to feel like I want to come back home and tell my husband all about it, like I'd want him there with me to share the experiences, and I'd want to tell the kids all about it, maybe even have them there to show them these amazing places... until they'd start bickering while we're standing in front of the Taj Mahal and we'd get to see about 3 minutes of it before we get fed up and decide to leave and hunt for somewhere with hot chips or just any kind of crap food they have just to get something in their mouths and shut them up for 5 minutes until one of them starts whinging that the other got more sauce than them and then we're 5 minutes deep into a debate about how much sauce someone needs for that many chips and there's exactly the same amount of sauce in each sauce thing and then someone drops a chip and, oh Jesus it sounds like the exorcism up in here because they're going to die of starvation because they dropped that one. God. Damn. Chip. so now we're all heading back to the hotel because there is just no salvaging this experience and now child 3 is screaming because they don't want to leave even though they've been whinging about leaving the entire time we were there and, just, oh god... yeah, maybe I shouldn't have had kids.

 How accurate you are ha! This is brilliantly written and my thoughts exactly.

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No not at all...
I look back on the travelling partying and "carefree" life I had with fondness and best time of my life. But I actually feel the same way with my young kids now. I feel like I'm living glory days.
They are 5 and 2 and I can feel a shift toward a new phase lately and I'm ready to be done with babies even though I loved it. I don't know Iv really enjoyed my last two life phases ... I HATED school with a passion though and spent the last 3 years miserable.

I'm looking forward to what's ahead, traveling with older kids, hanging out with older kids, I'm gaining some freedom this last 3 months my kids sleep through more than they don't my eldest starts school next year.

I don't know Iv just always enjoyed my present and been ready to move on when it was time.

BUT mother hood has been my greatest source of contentment and just, I don't know my kids gave me contentment more than anything ... before then I was always looking for more.

I don't regret having kids but I regret who I had them with. This is my biggest piece of advice to my kids- do not have a baby with someone if there is any doubt in your mind about the relationship.
He gets to live the high life with no responsibilities and I go through the daily grind feeling like a shit mum with no end in site. But I love my kiddos more than anything, I just wish they could have an awesome life instead of what I can give them.

 Even if you have the awesome life the guilt is still there.. it's like a new trend of this society, to always feel like there is more you can give your kids, or there is something you aren't giving your kids.. I'm not saying you don' t have more of it when you are more of it than the people who are better off, but they still have it true. When I had it , I am still amazed how I didn't take it for granted and how I was swamped in other worries half the time. You're doing a good enough job mum, yes not like in the movies and ads, but your kids know you love them.
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I wouldn't have kids if I had my life over again. I love them to death but having kids sent me on a life path that has not been good.

 How many years has this been the case for you?
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 I really feel for you.
I know there's mums out there who feel like that. It I don't think they're willing to tell me cos they know I'm one of those mums who love it. I could have had 4 or 5 kids wit a different partner.
That being said though my partner and I aren't one of those solid relationships (if we make it great if we split next year , all good. It not the love of my life deal, I loved and love him. That's us)
But I would never change him as my kids dad. He loves our girls like no bodies buisness . No matter what happens between us Iv given my girls a good dad.
But I have friend who are going through a bit of shit with exs and I think, I could find myself in a place of "regret"
My eldest is hard work. And I wonder if she had more full on issues if I wouldn't think twice.

I hope you find peace and joy in you presence. I get it. Even though it's. It my realty, I get it xxx

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Yes and no. I don’t regret my kids, they’re fu****g hard work and they’re both assholes lately but I don’t ever want to be without them permanently.
I do however hate my mundane life at the moment. I’m cleaning the same messes every day, washing the same dishes, wearing the same clothes, doing the exact same thing (and person) day in, day out. I want to get loose for a while. I want to get my s**t on and experience things, I never was promiscuous, I’ve slept with 5 people in my life and I was committed to every one. No one night stands, no messy nights, no sexual exploration.
If I was letting my freak flag fly at nights/on weekends I think I wouldn’t resent my day in day out a*s wiping, dish washing, clothes washing day life.

 Yeah exactly this!! But I also didn’t travel and my kids are quite young.. but I’m with this poster ^
Would be good to let loose more often and make the days of attending kids needs, changing nappies more bearable / happy lok

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 OP of this comment. I haven’t travelled either but I’m happy to do that later. My kids are young as well (not in school yet). Glad I’m not the only one feeling like this! Repetition is killing my soul. I need some variety.
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 I did everything the "right" way by today's standards
I moved overseas at 18, lived abroad and backpacked for 4 years. Learned 3 languages, slept with a bunch of dudes. 1 French guy I don't even know his name he didn't speak English and it was on the beach.
Took mushrooms, acid, smoked weed, got drunk on almost every continent, saw the wild parties (full moon, spring break, whistler, US frat parties,oldest fraternity house in Austria, pub crawls in London, Irish pubs, carnival in Brazil, I met my Brazilian husband when I was living in Costa Rica then travelled for 8 months together ...we came to Australia "settled down a little more, travelled only 3/4 months a year returning to our "base"... got pregnant at 26, second at 29, house at 30
I must say I don't think I'd be so content and happy had I not lived what I lived, I don't think my husband and I would be together if I hadn't been so loose. I'm happy with 9:00 bedtimes and usually hate when I'm forced out.

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 ^haha Im similar. (not the french guy though LOL)
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I have 6 children and I would not change that for anything. I started at age of 21, my children are all adults now. By 39 they father left us, no child support etc. I have stood by kids alone through everything, now they all are young adults in good jobs with their own homes. Yes life is very lonely now but would I have kids yep. Now their support me through my health issues etc. I am single still , lonely often, I have the love of 6children, their partners but best is fun when I get to spent time with my grandchildren. Not to forget their friends through school years who stay in contact.

Being childfree sucks... they only thing they get to do is whatever they want.

 I find these conflicting statements
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No I only wish I could have the exact same kids but when I was a little older..was only just turned 19 and haven't had my type of a life...but I see it as when they're 18 and out/ able to do their own thing I will be young enough to do heaps of stuff I've wanted to

I don't regret having them but I regret being such a crap parent. Like I'm always working or too busy, but I can't get out of this financial rut and provide otherwise. I wish I'd be more organised before I had kids

I have moments where I regret having them or having so many. Should’ve just stopped at one. I’ve got 3. I like who they are I just hate having to be a parent. I really wanted a family but parenting sux. Maybe I’ll look back in 20 years and be able to say it was all worth it.

I don't regret having my son. He's kind of a miracle as i was told I'm infertile and was using the recommended 2 methods of protection. I DO regret a lot pf panicked decisions I made when I found out i was pregnant. I married a guy that days before I'd beem wanting to break up with. We don't love each other. I let his job dictate where we live and I hate everywhere we end up. I let his family treat me badly for a decade because i was afraid my MIL ans SIL would be mean to my kid if i stood up to them... so much i wish i could take back. Now I'm stalled out in a life i hastilu grabbed because i was afraid to go it alone and have never felt more lonely.

Yes at times. Mostly I regret being married though.

 Do you think your marriage has the potential to improve?
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Sometimes but I don't miss my life before kids, it was so lonely even though I was a party girl