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My husband is toxic.

Answered 2 years ago

We have two small children. He’s always in a bad mood, constantly yelling at them, he drinks every single damn night. I’m just so over it. I feel like he’s creating a toxic environment for my children. I feel like I’m stuck. I have no money to leave. I honestly don’t even want to be around him anymore. It’s depressing. I don’t know what to do.


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ANSWER
2 years ago
Secretly Record him

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2 years ago
I did this - to play it back to him - to show him how his behaviour impacted us - to show him how angry and awful he sounded - not to share it. Unfortunately, our marriage ended. He still thinks our marriage ‘wasn’t that bad’ - but it was bad!! - I’m still working on my self esteem three years post separation...

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2 years ago
I tried this and he broke my phone throwing it across the room

ANSWER
2 years ago
I'm in a similar situation, just without the drinking. Constant yelling, perpetually in a bad mood, grumpy, everything bothers him, lazy slob just creates more work for me and won't lift a finger to do anything round the house, I'm constantly pushed around and spoken down to. And I have no money to leave. I don't have family or many friends around that I could go to and everyone thinks he's such a great guy coz he acts so nice in front of everyone else no one would even beleive what he's like behind closed doors.
We tried counselling 2 years ago but he decided the counselor was an idiot and was wasting his time so he refuses to go anymore.
I honestly dread him coming home after work each night, it's so peacefully when he's not around.
I don't know what to do either but I wish I could give you a hug xxx

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2 years ago
Could you possibly open up to your gp and go get counselling under the guise of the mental health plan? I think in these situaitons it a good opportunity to go for yourself, gaining strength so you get a better idea of what you can do even if it is just to build yourself up.

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2 years ago
I have no one to look after the kids for me to be able to go to counselling.

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2 years ago
Take them with you ? Give them an iPad, phone or something with headphones?

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2 years ago
My youngest is 11 months old and won't sit still and not interested in screens... But I dont have an iPad anyway, husband controls the money and says we cant afford one yet he can afford $70 brand name socks

ANSWER
2 years ago
Common situation, they never yell at you in front of friends. My marriage ended after 25 yrs, I kept thinking it would get better, they don’t change and it pulls you down - I never had a positive comment from him! Get mental health plan from GP as suggested above, get counselling for yourself And build up your strength and resolve. I took my kids with me!
Yes your own bank account! I’ve been separated over 3 years and the weight off your shoulders is amazing- I use to dread him coming home, and it was hard being positive around the kids. Now I can be myself!

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2 years ago
Problem is they are mandatory reporters and make reports to child safety. Then that can jeopardise children’s safety.

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2 years ago
I would never tell my GP anything for this reason.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Bet he’s an angel around other people
My Ex MIL was in denial about her only child being abusive
I recorded a video and she said what did you do to make him hit you ?
Found out she was in a DV marriage

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REPLY
2 years ago
Yes my husband does this too

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2 years ago
Yes completely! His mother visits and he's there washing dishes, running the bath for the kids... things that he hasn't done since her last visit 6 months ago

ANSWER
2 years ago
I feel for you - I’ve been there and eventually left the relationship when I couldn’t bear him anymore and knew that things wouldn’t change - and I realised he was also unhappy because why would a happy person yell at their children and drink to excess? (tried counselling and anger management techniques but he would revert back)

I’m assuming you’ve thought of counselling first - only if you want to try it or suggest it to him?

Definitely organise your own bank account then contact Centrelink and apply for assistance.

Do you have family/friends you could stay with in the meantime?

ANSWER
2 years ago
Me too I’ve made an exit plan and will be leaving soon I have had enough

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2 years ago
Xx I wouldn’t even know where to start

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2 years ago
It isn’t easy I didn’t know where to start either. The first step is deciding, then hide money, see what you can sell, get a new bank account etc that’s what I did to start :)