Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Do you think wishing wells and couples asking for money instead of gifts at weddings is acceptable or not?

Personally, I’m not fussed but lots of people get quite riled up about this one.


Got an Answer?

Answers (16)

Society is different these days people need to accept that. Live in the now! Couples aren't going straight from living with their parents in the their late teens to moving into their first home with their significant other. They don't need a house full of furniture & appliances so there is no need for those old traditions.

I think the problem with giving cash is that no one knows how much to give. They don’t want to be stingy yet they don’t want to put in more than they can afford. At least with a gift you could buy a $200 item that you got on sale for $100 but the bride and groom will think you spent $200. Yes I know most couples wouldn’t mind how much they got but some people ( and I know a few) would get shitty if you didn’t put a decent amount of cash in.

 Yes, I agree with this. I love wishing wells as I'm horrible at buying presents, but because it's such a new concept I don't think a social norm ($ amount wise) has been established yet.
helpful (0) 

It’s so much easier to put money in an envelope than buy a gift. I dont understand why people get so weird about wishing wells. Either way, there is some expectation isn’t there. You have to give something at a wedding, it’s etiquette.

Friends had a wishing well with money going towards the honeymoon. awesome Idea

 That's what we used our money for also. We got 10,000 so we spent 10 days on an island in the Maldives. Was fantastic.
helpful (0) 
 How many people did you invite ?
10 days for $10k someone saw you coming at the travel agency

helpful (0) 
 $10k for a 5 star honeymoon in the Maldives is quite reasonable. We went there for ours too. The cost was inclusive of meals also which was fine dining. When we booked at the travel agency the agent double checked we were serious because of the cost. She hadn’t sent too many people to the Maldives! It was a once in a lifetime trip and I wouldnt change a single thing.
helpful (0) 

It's crass.

 The word crass is crass
helpful (2) 
 Not really, it’s just a word.
helpful (1) 

It's fine with me i can't be arsed going to buy them a present anyway also no one wants 3 toasters.

I hate giving cash it’s so impersonal. I like taking the time to buy a gift especially if it’s something they want from a registry

 So is a registry gift. It's not what you've chosen for them, it's what they have asked for. Not exactly personal.
helpful (1) 
 Registeries are for snobs
helpful (0) 
 haha a registry is not personal...there is no personal thought what so ever You are just buying something that they have asked for which they'd easily do themselves if you just threw in some cash
helpful (1) 

I think it’s fine. Personally I don’t like gifts, mainly because I don’t like ‘things’ and I don’t want to go through the guilt of exchanging, regifting or donating things that I don’t need/want and I also wouldn’t want to do up a registry either. Money would be more useful to my family and I would appreciate it a lot more.

And as a guest I’d rather give money. Some people can be hard to buy for so money is easier.

In my husband’s culture it’s always been cash. At first I found it different, but then we got married and the $12,500 was so useful to us starting out, I wouldn’t do anything else now.

I don’t think it’s bad as long as they’re not expecting a huge amount of money. Some people are doing it tough and I think there is a lot of pressure on people

I like wishing wells because I'm time poor and it's easy. I always do $200 for friends and $500 for family and usually grab a card on the way to the wedding lol. Done.

 That's alot of money! If you were to buy a present would you spend the same amount? (I'm just curious) We've just been to a family wedding overseas so we put $200 due to the costs of us getting there etc. Then I found out how much per head the reception cost and now I feel like a cheapskate!
helpful (0) 
 When we got married a family friend of my husbands put in a cheque for 15k.. he hadn't even seen them since he was a small child and so I'd obviously never met them. They actually almost didn't make the wedding list cut 😵 we called to tell them it was way too generous but they heavily insisted. It's been 16 years and we haven't seen them since, my mother in law has implied we are also in their will! It's sooo bizarre.
helpful (1) 
 Wish that would happen to me lol
helpful (0) 
 Ooo any family secrets?
helpful (0) 

I agree it’s easy. It can sometimes feel like a bit of a cash grab though.

I'd rather a wishing well!! So much easier. Yes lazy, ill own that. I don't care haha

I had one, because I was moving out of the country soon after my marriage. I couldn't take electrical items, or heavy cake plates, pots, pans or breakable items. I only had a limit of what I could bring over and that was tough! So family and friends gave us money or pitched in on a upgraded hotel room for our honeymoon. It was lovely and we truly appreciated it. Of course, there's always one who says they WANT to buy you something! But for me, it wasnt an option. Nowadays people move in together before marriage and already have most items for their home. So, cash would be more helpful towards something they want, like extra money to spend on a honeymoon. Personally I'd rather see them enjoy the money I gave then never see my punch bowl be used.