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One sided contact with sibling

Answered 2 years ago

My sister and I have lived in different states since our late teen years. We are close in age, are each others only siblings and always get along well when we see each other now.

Since we've been living apart (20 years ago), I have had to initiate all contact - she never calls or texts unless I do first. Quite often she won't answer the phone or reply to texts. Recently I texted her very serious news about a family member's health (because she wouldn't return my calls) and she didnt reply at all. The communication we have seems very much on the surface - she doesn't ever talk about her feelings or issues she's facing. At various times, I've gotten sick of this and just not contacted her at all - one time she didn't contact me for 7 months (& then only did because our Dad told her I was in hospital after emergency surgery.)

Am I wrong to feel hurt and rejected? I have tried to explain this to her but she doesn't seem to get it. Does anyone else have the same issue?


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ANSWER
2 years ago
Maybe she has a busy life with kids or without kids

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REPLY
2 years ago
We both do. I don't know why I have to instigate all contact when we both work, have same amount of kids.

REPLY
2 years ago
If she wanted to talk to you, she would contact you. I have same problem with my sister. Except she doesn't work and she has less kids. But i guarantee you she's texting and visiting the people she wants to see! I no longer agree with her life choices, and i have come to accept that if she wanted to speak to me she would. If she wanted to speak to our parents or grandparents she would. Her loss now. When our grandfather was dying, she didn't want to answer our calls, so she didn't get to see him before he died, and then she was late to his funeral and left right after the service and didn't even check on our grandmother.
Her loss. I am sad it has limited my contact with my niece, but that is now the only loss i grieve from the relationship breakdown.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Sounds like my sister. The only time she rang was when we found out something about our Mum. She rang me 3 times a day for a year. After that it was back to normal. I always do the ringing. She hadn't even come over to Tassie to meet her my children. It was always me doing the work trying to keep a relationship with her. Then I decided to send her a message (since she wouldn't take my calls) and I asked her if she wanted anything to do with me. Instead of a yes or no. She typed out this long tyrant about how I was insulted because I wanted to "chat" and she was busy. And that I didn't even know what she did and how busy she was. She was always good at avoidance. I've had no contact with her since. And you know what, it was like a heavy burden was lifted from my shoulders. Sometimes you just have to let go. I told her if she ever wants contact to call me, and that I love her. There is nothing more I can do. I don't have to worry if she is going to answer the phone when I ring, or worry that that I can't get her an expensive present for her birthday or Christmas (just to keep her happy). It was always me trying to keep this relationship going and I was always trying to please her. Maybe she doesn't want a relationship with you (doesn't mean she doesn't love you). She could be just incapable it. And maybe it is time you let it go and let her go and get on with your life. And believe me you will feel relieved. Yes it will hurt. But you will move on. And maybe one day she will call you, (I don't expect my sister to). My sister for whatever reason even cut off our brother. You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family.

ANSWER
2 years ago
I have a sister like this. If she contacted any of us, is because she wants something,usually money. I used to be upset about it. Now it just is what it is and i try not to think too much about it in detail. She won't change. I just do a text check in every few weeks, if i get a reply yay, if not oh well.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Maybe she doesn’t like you. Yes that sounds mean, but just because you’re siblings doesn’t mean you have to friends or in constant contact. I have a brother who I might not see for months and he lives up the road! He just doesn’t have time for me and my sister because he leads a very different life. He will be there for me when I need him, I know that. And your sister did call when she found out you were sick, so that’s something. Don’t let it get you down. Just think, if she was an old friend and not a sister, would you be bothered??

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REPLY
2 years ago
I could understand that if we didn't have a nice time when we saw each other. Sjes always very chatty when we get together.

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2 years ago
She might like you but might not consider you a close friend. I moved away from my friends, and I can go a whole year without either of us making contact, but have a great catchup when I go visit. You need to accept her the way she is or change what you are doing so you don't feel hurt. You can't force her to change to be how you want her.

ANSWER
2 years ago
I had this issue for years with my brother. No contact, no response, even when I had a baby it was only my mum ringing him that I spoke to him. It all exploded eventually (he couldn’t afford to come to my wedding and thought I should have paid for him) and he spewed a massive tirade of hate that I was the favourite child, he’d always hated me (stuff like I stole his friends in high school???) because I finished university I was the perfect golden child, his marriage failure was my fault (because she didn’t like me) and basically I was an awful person. The blame went back and forth for a while but I have t had contact for 7 years and I’m completely over it now. It took me a long time to forgive, but I did eventually for my own peace. You don’t always have to be friend with your siblings, I consider my best friend more like a sister.

ANSWER
2 years ago
We both do. I don't know why I have to instigate all contact when we both work, have same amount of kids.