Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Does anyone else's partner lack empathy? How do you deal with this?

Report

Got an Answer?


Answers (6)

Is it that he cannot feel empathy or does not demonstrate it? Hubby was raised by a hardcore military dad. He seems very unfeeling because he internalizes everything. "Men don't get emotional; they get the job done." I finally just let loose on him. I told him if I'd wanted to marry a robot, I would have bought a vibrator and saved a ton of money on the dress and party. He opened up a little at a time after that amd began getting counseling to help him demonstrate his feelings and keep him from raising our sons the same way.

People who have zero ability to feel empathy are psychologically ill and should be treated immediately.

 I agreed with what you wrote until psychologically ill part. Smh.
helpful (0) 
 Sociopaths, true psychopaths, and schizophrenics are generally incapable of empathy, as are narcissistic people. These aresults are real illnesses that require therapeutic intervention.
helpful (1) 
 But not everyone who doesnt show empathy or feel it is a psychopath or has a mental illness.
helpful (0) 

Due to an abusive childhood yes. I'm an empath 😂
Honestly? Therapy. We've learnt how to communicate!

I havent had a miscarriage but i would feel simular to you OP and some others. I hate attention on me, i hate everyone knowing my business, i dont want peoples sympathy or support etc. Different scenario to yours but same feeling about keeping it private - My husband had a long term affair. After coming clean we decided to try again (1.5 years in and doing well). I didn't want everyone to know (although initially i wanted to destroy him!). A few family and 2 close friends knew and thats it. I didnt want people watching and judging how we were together, having opinions, trying to 'help', hating him, thinking i was stupid and just going to get hurt again etc. Some of my family didnt understand but thankfully kept their mouths shut. It would have been so much harder to deal with if everyone knew. I wouldnt have been able to relax. At least pick kids up from school, going out and socialising etc i could just feel 'normal' and not have to worry about someine saying or doing something to make me feel awkward. Sorry for your loss. Finding a compromise and respect for eachothers feekings is needed. No need to tell everyone! He could have told a 1 or 2 close friends/family/sibling if he needed to talk.

Yes. He only tries to be empathic if I blow a gasket and spell out exactly why/how his behaviour affects me. I've given up trying tbh. I focus on myself and meeting my own needs eg. Treats for myself etc. I focus on trying to make connections outside the home. I found it extremely frustrating. His parents were the same.

My husband is on the spectrum. Sometimes we joke and I tell him how the humans of earth are expected to behave. I've altered my expectations of him. If I need something from him in the warm fuzzy department I have to ask for it. Usually in detail

In general yes. He is in the army for nearly 10 years and im pretty sure he has ptsd though he wont admit it. He really struggles to empathise usually. Though he will hug and cuddle me when im upset and stroke my hair until i feel a bit better. He wont say anything though other than "im here" as he really cant understand and talking would not help at all.
Usually will just talk to my mother about things if im not crying but need to vent or talk about things.
For other peoples situations i do the talking on behalf of both of us and remind him its not the time and place for him to broach the subject; if he must comment on it he can tell me later when we are alone.