Should I confess to my fiancé I cheated once?
Answered 10 days ago
In a couple months I get married to my fiancé. I cheated once during our relationship. I had a drunken one night stand. I love him to death and would never want this to hurt him. I know it will crush him if I tell him. Since my indiscretion I’ve been seeing a therapist and it’s been helping me out. I’ve been truly trying to fix myself so I can be the best wife for him. I’ve never been possessed to cheat on him when that happened and nor do I want to ever again. The therapist truly believes I had a moment of weakness. I even stopped drinking heavily and never put myself in situations where that might happen again. My fiancé and I have the best relationship that’s why my therapist and I came to the conclusion maybe that’s why I did it. Because I’ve been cheated on all my relationships that maybe deep down that’s why I wanted to do it. Either way, it’s coming close to our date but I can’t help but think I’m tricking him to marrying him. Even though I know in my heart I’d never do anything to hurt him again. I don’t know what the right thing to do is. I really don’t want to lose him and I know this will be the end if I tell him.
Any advice would be appreciated. Please find judge. I’ve been really trying to better myself.
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I never told my husband. We are married now and the occurrence definitely made my relationship stronger. I can tell he's noticed a change in me. I also respect him more and value the relationship we have. It definitely was a learning experience for me. I would not want to do this to him again nor break my vows. It was a one time thing. I don't drink that much anymore nor do I put myself in situations with temptation. I wrote my vows where I had promised to be faithful for the rest of our live and I will honor that. We did premarital counseling with our church before we got married which also helped. I am glad that it happened before married. I honestly think the Lord had this happen for a reason, because I would have never been able to live with myself if I broke my marriage. I was selfish. I forget what it does not just to my husband. But our families love each other. My parents love him and and my siblings. Cheating causes so much hurt. It is never worth to break after a selfish one night stand. I have not told anymore. Just my therapist. At the end of the day it is between God and I. I'm slowly learning to forgive myself but in the end trying to be he best wife I can be for my husband. Good luck to those who are in the same position. Just know you made a mistake. Just because you did one bad thing doesn't make you a bad person.
If you are a Christian, this article helped me a lot: http://www.bible-teaching-about.com/pastadultery.html
Did it occur in a not-yet serious beginning of the relationship? Is it years ago?
Is it likely to come out in a drunken state? Or in a horrible argument? Or from a third party?
Are you prepared for a completely honest conversation where he makes confessions too?
You could always ask him if he wants to know every dark secret from the past before the wedding and if he wants to share his?
I really appreciate this. It helps me a lot with deciding.
Get rid of your therapist right away, they are just sucking you for money!
You've gotten this far, now all it will do is cause more heart ache and pain.
You've already punished yourself enough, more than enough right?
You've taken multiple steps to amend and change your ways. Why ruin it all now, then sure but you've both grown and changed since then and I feel it would be multiple steps backward for your relationship!
If it happened once it will again
I was cheated on and now I can’t bring myself to trust my wife
Do the right thing.
Do alot of research first, about how betrayed spouses/partners feel & cope in the aftermath of 'Discovery Day'.
If you decide to disclose, think long & hard. Be prepared to put in the hard work, it will take YEARS. It will never be forgotten, the relationship will never be the same. It's been 6+ years since my DD & it's never far from my mind.
If you're sure you'll never do this again, take it to your grave. You've been getting therapy. Be the best wife you can be. Actively work at keeping your marriage strong in all areas.
Telling will change your relationship forever, it'll never be the same, always lurking in the background. The relationship may never recover.
I say this from personal experience. My husband had a 5 mth affair. It changed me to my core. I no longer sleep well, my health has suffered - emotional, physical & mental well being, on medication for depression & anxiety. I have lost so much time & life