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Should I confess to my fiancé I cheated once?

Answered 6 days ago

In a couple months I get married to my fiancé. I cheated once during our relationship. I had a drunken one night stand. I love him to death and would never want this to hurt him. I know it will crush him if I tell him. Since my indiscretion I’ve been seeing a therapist and it’s been helping me out. I’ve been truly trying to fix myself so I can be the best wife for him. I’ve never been possessed to cheat on him when that happened and nor do I want to ever again. The therapist truly believes I had a moment of weakness. I even stopped drinking heavily and never put myself in situations where that might happen again. My fiancé and I have the best relationship that’s why my therapist and I came to the conclusion maybe that’s why I did it. Because I’ve been cheated on all my relationships that maybe deep down that’s why I wanted to do it. Either way, it’s coming close to our date but I can’t help but think I’m tricking him to marrying him. Even though I know in my heart I’d never do anything to hurt him again. I don’t know what the right thing to do is. I really don’t want to lose him and I know this will be the end if I tell him.

Any advice would be appreciated. Please find judge. I’ve been really trying to better myself.


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ANSWER
6 days ago
Hi can you let us know what happened now? Are you married now?

ANSWER
6 months ago
If it were him, would you want to know?
Did it occur in a not-yet serious beginning of the relationship? Is it years ago?
Is it likely to come out in a drunken state? Or in a horrible argument? Or from a third party?
Are you prepared for a completely honest conversation where he makes confessions too?
You could always ask him if he wants to know every dark secret from the past before the wedding and if he wants to share his?

Replies

REPLY
6 months ago
If it were me, I would not want to know. I’ve been cheated on all my serious relationships and I have never been the same. When I’m telling you I’ve never been possessed to check or ever entertained the thought never in 3 years. I’m completely happy with my fiancé. I still don’t understand why I did it. Something the therapist and I keep trying to figure out. I never get to a point where I’m drunk enough to get in that position again.

I really appreciate this. It helps me a lot with deciding.

REPLY
2 months ago
"Something the therapist and I keep trying to figure out" - SERIOUSLY??? You had a drunken one-night stand, you were horny and did something stupid. Nothing more to "figure out" than that!

Get rid of your therapist right away, they are just sucking you for money!

ANSWER
6 months ago
I would talk to him and work through your problems. Best of luck.

ANSWER
6 months ago
There is reason you ddnt confess right after it happened and if you confess now, you will cause unnecessary heartache. You are obviously repentant and will never do it again. Whatever happened then is irrelevant to who you are now and therefore shouldn't interfere in your future.

ANSWER
6 months ago
I think no, don't tell
You've gotten this far, now all it will do is cause more heart ache and pain.
You've already punished yourself enough, more than enough right?
You've taken multiple steps to amend and change your ways. Why ruin it all now, then sure but you've both grown and changed since then and I feel it would be multiple steps backward for your relationship!

ANSWER
6 months ago
100% YES! Confess.

ANSWER
6 months ago
Yes tell him. Imagine if he cheated on you before your marriage. Would you like to know?

ANSWER
6 months ago
I wouldn't even think of telling him. If you are 100% committed to him and your marriage now and will be for the future then I would push it from your mind and never even think about it again. Be grateful that he never knew or experienced the hurt. You now have the opportunity to make him happy and everyday make a decision to be thankful you have a wonderful husband and treat him as such.

ANSWER
6 months ago
You should just leave
If it happened once it will again
I was cheated on and now I can’t bring myself to trust my wife

ANSWER
6 months ago
I personally couldn't keep that a secret, it would never be far from my mind, it might actually drive you a little crazy yourself if YOU can't forget it.... I'd have to tell him. You need to know now before you get married how strong your relationship is. I think it's an important lesson before marriage test your relationship see if it gets stronger or wilts. Alot of "we have the perfect relationship" people have never really been tested & when they do they're the first to file for divorce.

ANSWER
6 months ago
If you say nothing, you’ll live with the guilt for the rest of your life.

Do the right thing.

Replies

REPLY
6 months ago
Telling might relieve your guilt.

Do alot of research first, about how betrayed spouses/partners feel & cope in the aftermath of 'Discovery Day'.

If you decide to disclose, think long & hard. Be prepared to put in the hard work, it will take YEARS. It will never be forgotten, the relationship will never be the same. It's been 6+ years since my DD & it's never far from my mind.

ANSWER
6 months ago
If you want him to leave and go destroy your relationship then tell him.

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REPLY
6 months ago
Totally agree. Don’t listen to the majority. Honesty is the best policy and love conquers all. If your relationship is as strong as you say it is, then your open and honest admission of a one night stand might actually make your marriage stronger in the long run.

ANSWER
6 months ago
no, don’t say a word.. Enjoy your new beginning once you get married !

ANSWER
6 months ago
In short, don't tell.......
If you're sure you'll never do this again, take it to your grave. You've been getting therapy. Be the best wife you can be. Actively work at keeping your marriage strong in all areas.
Telling will change your relationship forever, it'll never be the same, always lurking in the background. The relationship may never recover.
I say this from personal experience. My husband had a 5 mth affair. It changed me to my core. I no longer sleep well, my health has suffered - emotional, physical & mental well being, on medication for depression & anxiety. I have lost so much time & life

Replies

REPLY
6 months ago
..... I wish he never told me

ANSWER
6 months ago
Nope, don’t tell.

ANSWER
6 months ago
No.