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I cheated on my boyfriend

Answered 9 months ago

I recently cheated on my boyfriend, with a guy that I basically was in a relationship with previously with. We lived a long way apart so it was easy to cut the Ex out my life. The sex was the best I have ever had with the ex. Recently my boyfriend has been smoking loads and being quite distant. The ex happened to be in town so we met for a coffee for closure. I ended up going back to his hotel and having a kiss. I feel awful and I am not looking for sympathy. But I find myself distracting myself with anything to not think about it. I don’t want some rude answers. I just want to know how I continue my relationship with my boyfriend and be good to him. I can’t afford therapy, I have been working from home and had been through a traumatic illness. (Not that is an excuse) I felt like I needed to FEEL ALIVE. But I would never cheat on him with anyone else I have no interest. Do I just block the ex and continue as normal with my partner? How do I forgive myself? I do love him and he has been my rock.


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ANSWER
9 months ago
Thank you for the answers and thank you for no one being rude. I honestly just want to live a happy life, with the current boyfriend. I think lockdown has been tough on us, but I do love him. I honestly will never do this again. If I tell him I will need to think about how I do this. The ex lives so far away from me, I just need to cut all contact with him. I have just been reading loads of stuff. I don’t want my current boyfriend to never be able to trust anyone again. It’s a very hard one. But I really appreciate all the advice even the person who gave it to me strait, without being rude. Thank you

Replies

REPLY
9 months ago
I’m glad you’ve come to a decision. Don’t tell and be the best girlfriend you can be and try and keep open and honest communication from now on.

REPLY
9 months ago
Don’t tell him unless you think it will ever get back to him.

ANSWER
9 months ago
I wonder if your partner is ever going to stop smoking and be the person you want? If not I would question staying in the relationship, it is hard to have good sex with someone who you aren’t really in love with..not the sentimental love but the real love. That’s my two cents . If however you had sex and really regretted it as the biggest mistake that would be different..

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REPLY
9 months ago
I did love the ex a lot. He just wasn’t ready to commit to me. My new boyfriend is great in affection , quality time etc. He has just recently been smoking a lot of weed and doesn’t really care about a lot. Once again no excuse but I really appreciate your advice

ANSWER
9 months ago
I'm not trying to sound rude, but you need to admit to yourself you did it because you wanted to and not make excuses for your behaviour. Don't blame current bf, don't blame what's going on in your life. Admit that was what you wanted to do, and I've found when you accept that, you can really get a better perspective with things.

ANSWER
9 months ago
Be very careful because that thrill you were chasing can be very addictive. I agree with the other responder that you could be subconsciously destroying this relationship.
I have had affairs all because I couldn’t communicate my needs with my husband I had lost my self esteem and self worth. I made the worst possible decision when I ‘feel’ into an affair.
Mistakes happen just be careful this one doesn’t snowball out of control.

Replies

REPLY
9 months ago
Yes agree with that thrill seeking addiction

ANSWER
9 months ago
I used to be a big believer that you shouldn’t pass the information on to get rid of the guilt until it happened to me and I was grateful that I was able to make a decision on the relationship with everything out on the table. If my ex hadn’t told me and I had found out myself I wouldn’t have ever been able to forgive him but he told me and with the right communication I was willing to work on the relationship. There were other factors at play why we broke up but it wasn’t from the cheating. No one can tell you what to do or how to fix things but hopefully with people telling you their experiences you can come to what works for you.

ANSWER
9 months ago
I think you will need to make a tough decision. Do you want to be with the current partner? Maybe you are subconsciously sabotaging your current relationship because you want out. This is far more common than you would imagine. the right thing to do would be to talk openly with your current partner, lay all of your cards on the table and see what comes out of it. During the chat, if things are going well and you want to stay with him, you will need to address the ex issue. If you decide you and your current partner are going nowhere, there is really no need to tell him about the ex.