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Really toxic relationship with sister?

So my older sis gets extremely worked up and reads too deeply into normal conversations...turning situations around and making me bad. Not sure how to deal with a person with a really hot temper. We don’t live together. Has anyone had to deal with someone like this and walk around eggshells to make things normal when we see each other?


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Answers (6)

It’s the same for me! I told her I’d had enough & no more contact on Facebook or emails. Just meet in person now & again. Horrible been afraid to be yourself in case you upset them for who knows what. The stuff I’ve been told off is just crazy.

 I know how you feel.. the things she picks at about are crazy!! oh the texts are ok... very surface talk. its when we're in person its bad.
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I have a similar issue with my mum. The only way I have been able to deal with it, it to limit contact.

 that must be so hard
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Sounds very much like borderline personality disorder to me. My ex's daughter was one of those. Always had to be the centre of attention, created dramas to get it, jealous and resentful about anyone elses relationships.
We cut her out of our lives. There was no other way to manage it. She was just so toxic - to everyone.

OP Yeah I will limit Contact. But it’s digging a hole if I say I don’t want to see her, she will say I’m making her feel unloved Which is not true
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 You can’t control her feelings, or her actions. You have to do what is right for you
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It sounds like there is more to this than you know about, maybe a mental disorder that she has either kept hidden or is undiagnosed. I guess you could write her a letter, just say that you feel.

OP Thanks I’ll try that. If I suggest it is BPD she’ll probably bully me again
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 My sister has BPD and she is in complete denial about it. It isn’t her fault she has it, but it is her fault she won’t accept it and take steps to improve her life. It would be a difficult thing to accept, even more difficult to do something about it because of how they view others and their relationships with them. I think if you say something to your sister about having BPD, be prepared for a shitstorm.
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she lives for the attention and loves drama by the sound of it and it's not fair that you have to waste so much energy on this. Don't buy into it and don't let her make you feel bad, it's her problem not yours and if you notice it I'm sure others do to. Don't try and appease her, just live your life and ignore her childishness. Play it cool, be friendly but don't flinch if she tries to rile you up or make a scene. Let it be known by your lack of response that she won't get anywhere by carrying on like that. Just like a child that is being bratty, ignore the bad behaviour, reward the good :)

OP Thanks for your response. Yeah I don’t raise my voice and react the same as she. She gets affected by it extremely. It’s easy if it’s a stranger but when it’s your own sister that is bullying you and trying to hurt you on purpose it’s really difficult.
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My sister is like this. She has a diagnosed borderline personally disorder and this is why. How to deal with it? Well it is hard. Because sometimes when I am being careful about what I say she can take it personally. I just ignore her when she has her little childish tantrums because she does calm down. Never apologises though, just carries on like nothing happened.

OP Sorry to hear. Yeah she takes things very personally and verbally attacking me and trying to offend me. She has seen a psychologist from work but I never ask how that’s going. I’m almost in fear of her and she always accuses me of making her feel unloved
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