Got an Answer?
My partner has never been physical with me during a fight.
That is a major red flag. And the fact he thinks it’s a joke. It’s not okay, not normal and not appropriate and you need to make sure he knows this. What he did is assault. Something that could get him charged if you wanted to.
He needs to realise that that behaviour is not okay or you need to get out. That sort of behaviour will only escalate into something much worse.
I remember very clearly the first time my ex did this to me. I brushed it aside because he was just mad and he said sorry and it won’t happen again. Then it did, but that time more forceful. It didn’t stop there though, it kept getting worse and worse to the point where if I had a problem and knew it would cause an argument I would go to my friend’s house for a few days and message him with whatever was bothering me. I then realised that driving an hour and a half to be able to have a discussion without the fear of being shoved or pushed or worse killed meant it was time to leave. It got worse after I left and he was very violent but after 6 months of putting my foot down he found a new victim and left me and our children alone. For 3 years I had nightmares over what he did to me, it just progressively got worse. If I had my time over I would have left him after the first time he pushed me, that was where it all began.
It was so hard to leave - I was a shell of the person I once was. But I knew it was never going to get better even after counselling where he presented himself as this calm, gentle man. I remember looking at him and then the psychologist asking ‘who ARE you’?!! - feeling like I was going crazy!
My husband has never touch in an anger & never would. The worst i get is silent treatment but we're usually both doing that at the same time- that probably happens twice, 3 times a year. No no it's not ok. Make him understand it's a dealbreaker for you.
No, my husband has never shoved me in anger or yelled right in my face. I haven't done it to him either.
I don't think it is acceptable.
Ask yourself - if your child did it to another child, would you discipline them for it or would you think the other child deserved it? Probably you'd think your child had overstepped and in anger done something wrong.
It sounds like real bully behaviour to me - added to it that he then blames you for his anger and bad behaviour.
Can you safely address these issues with him? Is counselling an option?
Thanks for the mostly supportive comments everyone. I have tried to tell him its not on- we don't get physical but he thinks its just a joke like one big overreaction. He just dismisses me.
I feel like I'm so isolated and he makes me look crazy like everything is always my fault. Yes, sometimes I am a jerk but other times its him too.