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My partner bought me a gift - after I specifically said to him: "Thank you for the idea, but I do not want this." Now he is upset that I do not appreciate the gift. Who is in the wrong here?


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Answers (23)

You specifically told him you did *not* want the item, then he bought it for you, now he's upset? He is completely in the wrong. He didn't listen, well, he heard you and ignored you. Why lie to him that you actually like the thing you said *NOT* to get?? So what, then he'll ignore you in the future again and do something that you don't want? Or when you don't use the the gift, he starts sulking again and asks why you don't use the gift, then you have to tell him you don't like it, then he gets angry/sulky because "why didn't you tell me sooner?". Lying will end nowhere good.

Don't grovel, don't act like you suddenly like the item just because he's saaaad. He shouldn't feel sad, he should feel like a fool; he bought something knowing you don't want it. Is it a test that he's putting you through - is he seeing what you'll do just because he's sad? Is he seeing how much you'll change just to accommodate him? Keep an eye out for other red flags of ways he might be trying to control you.

Remind him that you explicitly said you didn't want the item, so he can either return it or resell it, but tell him you take no responsibility for it. Remind him that you explicitly said you didn't want the item, so you take no responsibility for his sad feelings when you - surprise surprise - don't want them when they're in front of you.

 Agreed! I can't believe how many people have replied telling the OP that she should be grateful to get a gift that she said that she didn't want!! It's totally ridiculous to say that someone should be happy to get 'something' because they get 'nothing!
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 Absolutely! My ex would consistently buy the same gift for me for everything (a lotto ticket with a box of chocolates). When I complained I got hit with, it's the thought that counts bullshit. But theres actually no thought in that. Gifts dont mean a thing if its 'oh thatll do'. And if you specifically tell someone NOT to get you something you cannot be offended if theyre not thankful you got it anyway! People really need to THINK!
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You sound ungrateful

OP Thank you - how would you react?
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 I would say thank you and be glad he took the time and effort to do something for me. Some of us don’t have people like that in our lives
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Is it possible he thought you were saying no because you didn’t want the fuss but in actual fact he thought it’s something you want?

OP No - all the reviews we read about the item was bad - I really did not want it.
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 If someone else bought it, a friend or a grandparent, would you have responded in the same way?

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 ^not really the same thing, assuming they share finances its her money hes wasted.
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You sound really ungreatful. Your husband wanted to do something nice for you and you shot it down.

You obviously have a communications issues. You made it a bigger deal by being a bitch & now you get to live with the shit storm

Id say thank you, pretend i was estatic and be greatful my partner bought me something. I never get anything so i cant talk from experience but its the thought that counts not the reviews etc

I would just say thanks, then buy what I really wanted.

 And return the other gift
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 No re gift it to him.
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 Well it would get the point across.
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Grow up, seriously you got pods with bad reviews, maybe yours are fine. Maybe he cant afford $300,on a stupid item. Its a want not essential. Many of us can only dream of having spare money atm and you winge about pods. SMH you both need to grow up.

 Where they AirPods? Or cheap pods- I think you can get them fir $50 and they are bad from what i hear
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Lol iv kinda been where you are
My husband gets my nothing or something terrible. Often when I explicitly said I didn’t want it. And will get offended I’m not overly grateful he got my a bad present because the last 3 years he buys nothing.

Or when he forgets then gets me flower later in the day and knows I hate that even more cos now you’ve just wasted money on something that won’t make it better, however the one thing I have said would literally make me not be shitty at him is a nice small letter/ card, with even just a paragraph if something nice to me.
All I ever ask for is a card or a letter saying what’s lovely about me or what he loves about me.

Closest he ever came was a card that had a poem that he wrote “can’t beleive I found a card that said what I wanted to say. Happy birthday. From ***.

 I still have that card by the way. Imagine how much more I’d treasure a card filled with his own words.
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It's not about the gift, it's about the thought.

My DH used to by me nothing. I finally cracked it on a milestone birthday when all he did was ask me what I was gonna buy myself. Nothing from the kids, no other acknowledgement. He got a huge party for his (he expected a 120 guest buffet that we were to pay for & I was expected to organise, with a baby in tow - I said no freaking way!)

Now he buys me stuff & it's the exact opposite of who I am & what I like. It's not the gift that's the issue, it hurts as it shows how little he knows me, or cares, tbh. If it's his mates he is always organised & buys them fantastic gifts. Also, we're tight money wise & I never get anything for myself so when I do I'd like to actually LIKE it.

I don't complain, though. I say thanks nicely & shove it in a drawer. He eventually asked why I'm not using this stuff & I told him politely it's just not something I use - I never have. He was devastated. Guess what I got next birthday? Same shit. This year he's getting $5 gifts from the kids.

He was being cheap. He knew you didn't want crap ones but didn't splurge on decent ones. What you do is thank him, buy ones you do want then put the cheap ones away and give them to him next birthday/Christmas/father's day.

He is in the wrong. You expressed yourself, he ignored it and now he thinks he has the right to be pissed off. Don't think so.

My husband bought me an ice cream when I really was trying to lose weight - we were driving in the car. Of course I ate it I but he should not have out the temptation there. I said don’t be so presumptuous next time and he got all offended.

He knew I was on a diet !!!

Men are dicks.

 Mine does that. For example he might come home with a dozen donuts (hypothetical) saying he bought me some. In fact he's truly bought then so he can eat them, making him feel less guilty because it was my idea 😤
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 Yes of course he bought himself an ice cream it was for him to justify eating it.
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