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Husband wakes me up

I have issues with my health atm and I am constantly tired. A couple of times now he has woken me up while he's already inside me. This morning I was really tired and I felt him go in but didn't really wake up when I woke up I realised he had finished and was leaking I don't really mind that just wondering if anyone else husband does this. How would u feel about it if he did etc ?

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Answers (23)

The number of women who don't think that this is rape genuinely disturbs me... it's one thing to start something when you're both asleep, as my husband and I have many times, but for the one who is awake and aware to continue while the other isn't - is rape. Plain and simple.

 I wake up hubby with oral
helpful (0) 

No. My husband respects me. He seeks consent before having sex with me. He does not think because he's my husband it's ok for him to have sex with me whenever he feels like it. If you don't tell him, he's going to keep on doing it. That's really disgusting.

 I wake my hubby up with blowie
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That's not ok. My ex did this when I didn't want to have sex with him. It is technically rape as you didn't consent.

 I really don't know how I feel about you calling it rape..
helpful (2) 
 Why do you not think its ok to call this rape? If consent is not given, then it's rape, simple as that! Husbands and boyfriends do not have rights to have sex with you whenever they want.
helpful (13) 
 I just think rape is a strong word to be thrown around that's all if my husband did this to me I would never accuse him of rape. But if someone broke into my house and did that I would...
helpful (8) 
 You might not accuse him of it, and you probably wouldn't go to the police. But it's pretty black and white. No consent is rape. Even if it's your husband.
helpful (5) 
 It is still technically rape because consent can not be given by someone who is not conscious.
helpful (5) 
 So if your husband did this, it's not rape but if someone else did, it is rape.... How the heck does that make sense in your mind? no consent is rape!!!!
helpful (3) 
 My husband wouldn't do it to hurt me.... Maybe the ops husband thought she'd wake up and they would have some fun. A stranger braking in and raping someone is a vicious attack
helpful (3) 
 Or maybe the OPs husband thinks it's ok to penetrate his wife while she's asleep. If she's not ok with it, she needs to talk to him and tell him what is and isn't ok. Because reading this thread we all have different ideas of where that line is.
helpful (3) 
 So ever time you have sex he has to ask " can I put my penis inside you and penetrate your vagina" and you say "ok"?? Lol
helpful (3) 
  The way I understand it,
It's not just a once off... It's has happens quite common! I get maybe that her husband didn't think she was awake fully but for it happen quite a lot.. He knows what he is doing!
Its assault, he doesnt have consent!

helpful (1) 
 ^^ that's one way to obtain consent. But it has to be given. I don't know why so many here are struggling with the concept of consent before sex. It's kinda mind boggling.
helpful (3) 
 'Couple of times' doesn't mean alot and if it happened the first time and she didn't tell him off then it's not like she didn't give consent never to do that again
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 For all of you saying it is not rape, your daughter goes to stay over at her boyfriend house, and wakes up with come dripping out of her... Ye all would be oh Hun that's ok, he is your boyfriend, he is allowed to!
helpful (7) 
 OK, so my husband and I always seek consent "want a root" "nah Ive eaten too much"
Like its basic manners

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Ewwww, this sounds creepy as f**k. Literally made my skin crawl 😖

 What did?
helpful (0) 
 Umm, just the fact that her husband has sex with her while she is asleep. She woke up and realised she was leaking as she finished? What is not creepy about someone (idk if it's your husband or not) having sex with you while you're asleep (and having health issues as well), and obviously that deep asleep that you don't wake up during. I find everything about this situation creepy- it's like he thinks she is an object to be used, as there is no interaction from her side. Gross!! If that's what he's into, he should get a fu****g blow up doll. My husband tries to wake me up with a bit of a grope sometimes, but I've never woken up to him just sticking it in. If he did that I'd consider it rape- husband or no husband. If he woke up to a strap on in his arse, would it be ok via his wife did it?
helpful (10) 

Holy f**k. That's rape. Unless you have some already agreed to arrangement where its ok in your marriage, then theres no way you could call it anything else if you didnt consent to it. Shit like all these women saying how over the top it is/not calling it rape etc is why this country has a fu****g domestic violence situation. Get the f**k out of these fu****g relationships. Having sex (Raping you) whilst you're sleeping is wrong. If you allow them to do this to you whilst you're asleep what the f**k are you tolerating when you're awake!!! OP its rape. Its wrong. Leave him. Dont listen to all these other posters condoning this behaviour.

 I really don't see how this is the same as domestic violence!!!!
helpful (1) 
 How do you not see this as domestic violence? How is rape (or non-consensual sex if you feel rape is too strong a word to be throwing about here) not violent? If you think DV is only about one partner smacking around the other then you're very much mistaken.
helpful (2) 
 I know very well domestic violence is about thanks and I don't see how one partner initiating sex with the other while asleep comes in that category. Have you never started playing/rubbed up your partner??
helpful (2) 
 ^That is very different to actual penetration. That is foreplay, and if my partner tells me to stop, I stop. and same goes for him. He can feel me up if he wants, but when I tell him to stop that's the end of it. If he dared not to, well that's assault. And I think you need to recheck your definitions because rape within a marriage most certainly is DV.
helpful (1) 
 So by your definition it would only be rape if op had told him to stop and he didn't
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 No. I don't think that. I think you can initiate foreplay, and what that is should be determined within the boundaries of your relationship. And if you say no to foreplay and it continues then it's assault. Penetration though a person should always gain consent before it begins. Always. Not start before it is given, assuming it will be.
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 So I rub up someone in the street and I can say it's ok cause it's foreplay and I'm just finding my boundaries lol no it would be sexual assault
helpful (2) 
 ^ are you kidding? Of course that's not ok. As I said, the definitions of what is ok should be determined early in your relationship. If you're fine with your husband having sex with you while you're asleep then that's fine. If you're not, then that is not fine. Everyone has the right to say what is or isn't ok when it comes to their body.
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In some relationships this would be ok, as long as the woman is fine with it and has made it clear in prior conversations that she doesn't require a verbal request for consent in this type of situation. Non-verbal consent can work in a committed relationship if it's been agreed upon beforehand.

However I definitely think in this situation the OP needs to talk to her husband about this. It's possible he asked consent and she gave it (in her sleep or semi conscious) so he thought it was ok. If she is uncomfortable with it she needs to make it clear to him that she didn't consciously give consent and he needs to wake her up and ask her.

I rub my hubby up the right way to have some fun does that mean it's sexual assault cause he didn't want me too... I think there is a difference here.

Sooo... There have been times where I've woken up to my hubby feeling me up, so we'll get into it and have our fun time, the next morning he always says it was me who started it... Maybe he thinks he has the consent and she's just not as fully awake as he thinks she is. I've had full on conversations with my hubby that he doesn't remember the next morning. Jumping to the rape conclusion is a bit full on with only limited facts.

 You're right. And maybe OP should clarify. But I would think if she's asking this question, she has not given clear consent and is waking up to him having sex with her. A person who is not conscious cannot give consent. She needs to talk to him so that he's aware of the boundaries as possibly it's not that he doesn't respect her, but that there is mins understanding.
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If my husband did this to me I would be gone by the time he got home from work. How disgusting

 That's a little over the top, what's your reasoning behind that if u don't mind me asking?
helpful (2) 
 Maybe because she has respect for herself and doesn't want to be raped!
helpful (4) 
 Not seeing it as raped? Like another said if your partner feels you up without your worded consent is that sexual assault
helpful (2) 
 ^consent can be verbal or non verbal. If he feels you up and you start feeling him up too etc then consent. If you push him away, then that is not consent. If he continues after you've made it clear you don't want it, the. It's sexual assault.
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 Right but then if she seemed into it while asleep then he could have seen it as non verbal consent. So he could have atarted her wake up and if she didnt actually say no stop or pull away then its not rape?
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 ^no because she wasn't lucid. An unconscious person cannot given consent. Even it seems she's 'into it'.
helpful (1) 
 If a drunk person passes out and another person starts having sex with them, even if that person is a complete stranger, than do all you who think this is ok consider that not to be rape? Im not talking about just drunk, I'm talking about passed the f**k out.
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 ^yeah, that swimmer in the U.S. who started having sex (rape)with the girl behind the dumpster who was passed out drunk. He thought it ok, and his father said he was just getting a little bit of action. And the judge was concerned the effect it would have on his swimming career. Who here thinks that was acceptable behaviour on his part? He thought it was ok, apparently she acted like she was into it even though she was passed out!
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I would be absolutely pissed off!!! Its disgusting! You may not consider it rape- fair enough its your call on what you put up with, but personally i find it gross and disrespectful! Im a very material person so if my hubby did that and used me without my knowledge/consent i woulf happily take his credit card and go buy myself a nice thick gold necklace! *you might call it whoring as in trading sex for jewels but if hes going to do it anyway- well...* or maybe if you dont want jewerly go to a sex shop n buy a rubber vagina thing for him to use! Whatever you do- make him aware of how you feel! Like i said- i would be skitzing and id take rhe credit card- nigga would faint at how much his choice cost him!

 You sound like a women that would go spending money like that regardless
helpful (6) 
 Generally i buy most of my own gold, well i laybuy and pay off- he's bought me afew pieces here and there. But yeah if he disrespected me like that- i wouldnt charge him with 'rape' or even leave him but i would make damn well he knows he would be paying for it. Im very open to sex anyway but if i was sick and so tired i slept through it- i would show him the same respect he showed me. But i would benefit with new gold :) my hubby once came home so drunk he spewed all over our couch- guess who bought a new couch... me! And guess who paid for it- him! Meh- told yous im materialistic. Sulking wouldnt make me feel any better about it but shopping would!
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Yeah that's rape, not cool! I'd be furious and disgusted

This is marital rape. To those women who are saying this isnt rape because hes her husband are very silly indeed. My ex husband used to do this to me and I told him to stop but he didn't then he moved on to throwing me on the bed and forcing me to have sex. So in your eyes this isn't rape either becuse he was my husband, he thought so too until i reported him to the police. Just because I married him doesnt mean i automatically give him consent to have sex anytime he wanted. Think about if this happend to your daughter, would you tell her its ok hes your bf or husband he owns your consent. Would you tell your sons that this is ok behavior? OP talk to your husband this behavior isnt right.

http://m.independent.ie/irish-news/courts/man-regularly-raped-girlfriend-in-her-sleep-court-told-31356010.html

This happened to me once sort of. I woke up as my hubby was putting it in, he was feeling me up and rubbing me to get me in the mood, i was alseep but moaning so he thought i was awake and in to it. We spoke about it the next day and now he makes absolute sure i am awake and ok before going ahead, sometimes he has to turn the light on to be 100% sure. Speak to him.

I would be very upset if my husband did this to me.