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Christmas with partners family

So my 3 kids and I will be spending our second Christmas with partners family. His family are great and the rule is that everyone needs to buy for everybody who is there Christmas Day. I like this rule, the kids and I were made to feel like part of the family last year. This year his brother and new wife will be there and I have just been told she does not want to buy for my kids because its too much and she is only buying for the people she knows. So that means everyone else except my kids. She has met them all before on numerous occasions. She has said that we don't have to buy for them, they have no kids. My kids will not care or even notice but I personally just think its rude especially since she doesn't have to spend much. Even partners mum just said to her to just get a cheap box of chocolates each or something but she still refused. I'm thinking I should buy her a gift from each of my kids anyway just to show that we are not petty. Am I right to think its rude?

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Answers (17)

I think people need to remember the whole world doesn't revolve around their offspring. The rest of the world doesn't like them as much as you do.

Some of these women are trolling for sure, of course it's rude to show up to a family Christmas with children attending and not have gifts for them. I don't care what any one says, no way would I do that.
My advice to you though is to have your husband choose what to do seeing as it's his brother and stay right out of it, don't buy extra gifts to give from her.

 Really? As a kid we’d had huge Xmases and no, not everyone brought us a gift. I didn’t find it rude then and I don’tnow. It’s so presumptuous to think your kid needs a present from every single person they see on Xmas day.
helpful (2) 
 We went to a Christmas party once where we were told not to bring any presents - so we didn’t. Then we were made to feel guilty because apparently that rule only applied to the adults, we were expected to buy presents for all the kids!
helpful (2) 
 This response here. Proof the age of entitlement is still well and truly alive.
helpful (1) 
 Well I'm 49 so I don't know what age of entitlement you mean sweetheart, it's simply good manners and a kind thing to do to boot.
helpful (2) 
 We have an opposite idea of good manners.. look up what entitlement means. Expecting gifts is extremely entitled. I think it’s really bad manners to expect gifts. I’m raising my kids to expect not expect gifts from anyone. You should give a gift because you want to, not because cause you have to,
helpful (1) 
 lol, you’re 49 so what. Plenty of entitled people in their 40s, raising entitled kids.
helpful (1) 

I bet she changes her tune if they have children

 And she will demand that they get expensive gifts too.
helpful (0) 

You are right to think it's rude. I'd give her a cactus plant and buy your kids a chocolate stocking to receive

 What's wrong with cactus plants?
helpful (1) 

I think the expectation of gifts is rude, no matter what the ‘rules’.

 It is more of a family tradition rather than a rule, I used the wrong word. So even if one of the kids brought a girlfriend along the same would apply. If we weren't in this situation then I wouldn't find it rude but under the circumstances I do.
helpful (0) 
 Your in laws tradition then is really rude.
helpful (1) 
 So if one of the kids bought a girlfriend along, everyone would be expected to buy her a gift. Is she then expected to buy everyone a gift too? Cause that just seems bizarre.
helpful (1) 
 Yes, everyone buys everyone a gift. Could be just a couple of scratchies in a card you don't need to spend a minimum or the same amount, its just a gift of some kind.
helpful (0) 
 And how is it rude? Its just how they do it. I think its lovely.
helpful (1) 
 It’s the expectation. Just because it’s ‘how they do it’ doesn’t mean it isn’t rude. I could never invite anyone to my house for Christmas and ask them to bring a gift. Not just for tme but for everyone attending. Wow! How can you not see how very rude that is? It’s lkke they are making Xmas all about the presents, instead of spending time with family.

Xmas is stressful and expensive enough without having that expectation on you. I buy gifts because I want to, not because I have to.

helpful (2) 
 You asked if you’re right to think it’s rude. People are saying yes with their reasonings . But you’re still saying no, you don’t think it’s rude? How about you explain that when you asked for opinions?
helpful (0) 
 All the presents go under the tree and handed out after lunch, its not just visiting for 5 minutes and expecting people to give you gifts or give them.
helpful (1) 
 ^ so what? Clearly you still get judged and accused of being rude if you dont bring gifts. Justify it how you like, it’s weird, and it’s off.
helpful (2) 
 If you don't like the rules of mother in laws party, just don't go. She likes her traditions and obviously so does everyone else. But there's always one person in the family who wants to make it about them. If it was a financial situation it might be different. Even then bosses of chocolates are like $1 at red dot, reject and other novelty stores.
helpful (1) 
 Have you read my post at all? Try again, way off the mark. I'm not complaining about my in laws traditions, partners brother and wife do not want to follow it and are leaving my kids out.
helpful (0) 

Could you ask her not to buy you and your partner gifts but rather the children. It doesn’t have to be much. If not, then you just need to accept they won’t get a gift from her.

I must admit I only have a small Christmas list, and would do the same. It just gets too much.

Great! More self entitled brats.

 Self entitled for giving someone a gift who didn't buy them one? Please explain.
helpful (0) 
 This isn’t my response. But, self entitled because you’re giving a gift expecting one back. Is that the point of giving? Getting something in return? I see an opportunity here for you to teach your kids not to expect something just because they give something.
helpful (1) 
 No, we would be giving gifts when we know we will not be receiving back.
helpful (0) 
 ^ but you have a problem with it though? Hence your thread?
helpful (1) 

Last year my daughter sat at my ex in laws house and watched every single person from young to old get presents and open them in front of her. Then had the nerve to get annoyed when she spent the rest of the day in her room. And you lot are all complaining about a family who makes sure nobody misses out on Christmas Day and makes everyone feel included and part of the family?

 Nah. That’s on your ex in-laws for forgetting their granddaughter. That’s pretty shit.

This isn’t a family making sure they buy for everyone at their house so I one misses out. That would be thoughtful and kind. This is a family demanding everyone buys for everyone. That’s excessive.

helpful (1) 
 Demanding? No. It's just how they do it. You're assuming it to be something it isn't. Nobody HAS to attend. It's just their Christmas tradition. Everyone has them and they're all a bit different to the next person. Get over yourself.
helpful (0) 

If it is only your kids she is leaving out and is buying for everyone else it’s extremely rude!!!

Yes she is out of line. She has met them numerous times so the whole only giving gifts to the people she knows is bullshit. The family needs to bring in secret Santa and only buy one gift for one person.

 I don’t think she’s out of line. A gift for everyone, that’s a big expectation no matter how well you know them. But secret Santa would solve the problem. MIL takes a list of those who want to participate, and those that don’t want to be involved don’t need to feel obliged to buy for anyone. Nor be judged for it. Win-win.
helpful (1) 

Buy your children sn extra gift for the day and buy her something too.

How funny this is..
My dad is the one who spent all the expenses of both of us sisters weddings ln Sri Lanka.
My reception got 325 guests while my elder sister got 475 guests.
Dad mentioned all the invited guests not to bring any presents when we handed over tge invitations.
Then if anyone gives money as a gift at the wedding, he asked me to hand over them back . Because we and dad understood very well that not everyone in same financial condition like us and some people are struggling to manage a dress for wedding or transportation for the venue. We wanted to appriciate their attendance and blessings only. So the no gift rule will help to not to put some of them down when they see some people arrived with big gifts. But both of me and my sister's MIL s were pretty upset as we didn't get that financial credits ( gifts) to us. When thinking back I am so proud of the way my father worked, allowing to treat everyone on equal way.

What happened?

 We didn't buy for them as requested and it ended up being a great day, everyone got on really well and nobody noticed that Sil and bil skipped my kids.
helpful (0) 

I wouldn't worry, your kids will still get presents from the other guests. It's possible her budget won't stretch that far, at least she told you before hand.