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I'm stuck...advice on truly moving on please. I separated from my husband just over two years ago. I had been unhappy for a long time - he was verbally abusive, controlling, jealous and just kinda angry and obviously unhappy too. I chose to move out into a rental as he refused to leave the house as he said it was my choice to leave and that the house provided psychological stability for him and our two (now teenage) children. He met a new partner pretty much the week I left (seriously) - he signed up to a dating website when I was still living in our house. Fast forward to mid 2018...he sells the house and buys a new house with his partner of a year and a half. I agreed to a pretty crappy property settlement last year as I did not want to force the sale of the house (lawyer advised me to sell) because I was worried it would unhinge him. The house sold for way more that I had settled for. I was fine with the separation and happy he'd met someone as then he didn't hassle me too much (yet still remained verbally abusive)

Here's the thing - during the past few months we have kissed/been intimate - even though I have established a really nice relationship with someone (we don't live together) What am I even doing??!! I left him. I did not want to be with him. Why is he suddenly attractive to me again? I barely know his partner even though she lives with my children - she has no idea all this has been happening. He said he is trying to move on. I said we should have worked on our marriage - but there's no point in even thinking that. My friends say he treated me terribly during the marriage and that I was so sad and a shell of a prson. I have attempted modified contact for almost a week. Advice?

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Answers (7)

Yeah my ex was physically and emotionally abusive, cheated on me and claimed that he missed his single lifestyle of not having to worry about kids ect. We were seperated for a while after he hit me while I was pregnant and nearly killed the baby. He wanted nothing to do with me and the kids and I didn't hear from him. Eventually I moved on and when we made it public that we were seeing each other, guess who suddenly is ringing me, crying because he misses me, wants to be in 'his' kids lives and 'has made a terrible mistake'. Yup. They are jealous, territorial douches who don't want you, but don't want anyone else to have you either. Go and be happy with the new guy and cut ties with the old one. He will only get worse if you get back together because he knows you'll take him back no matter how shit he treats you. Leave him in your past.

I went back to my ex after leaving him. He too was verbally and emotionally abusive. I had found someone else, someone amazing and kind who was everything my ex wasn’t. He had found someone else. We slept together and then ended up back together. He then became abusive again, except this time he wasn’t afraid to be physically abusive. After a year and a half I left again. This time he took part of me too.
It’s been 4 years and I’ve only just got the confidence back in my own judgement to choose another man to be in my life. Now I’ve met someone and I question everything he says and does.
Going back that last time took every ounce of dignity, self esteem, confidence and happiness I had. It was a mistake to ever sleep with him again.
Don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t give parts of yourself to him you may never get back the same as they are now.

OP Thank you. Your reply made me tear up! x
helpful (1) 
 This!!!!
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He probably wants you again because he knows you met someone else he is territorial. Or can't be alone and there's cracks in the new relationship so he's lining u up ready like he did with his gf at the end of your relationship. He won't change that's for sure. Plus he's cheating on his new partner with u that ain't no winner that's for sure! Run

 OP is also cheating!
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You’re in pain. Everyone is, and you are just trying to distract yourself but temporarily trying to relive something that was never good to escape the present pain..whether it’s just that reality sucks, or that you feel so alone, or scared or you just think it will be too hard to climb a hill so you slide down instead..infact he has truly manipulated you for you to be so weak to return to square one after he has completely screwed you over, emotionally(moving on as you described to so sickened look for someone whilst you were there), financially(having you feel so guilty that you don’t get the half you deserve), and now screwing another woman over(not implying it’s you who should feel bad for this). I saw this harshly but I honestly don’t mean to hurt you- I just wanted to give you advice so you can stop this confusion

OP Thanks - you're not being harsh and it's something I need to hear.
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Run! Find a man that adores you. Dont be with a man who would cheat on his partner!! Say bye bye xx
Will he stop at verbal and emotional abuse? If y go back it gives him all that power back!

Yep don't do it. There's history and familiarity. But you know it's not safe and not a happy place. You know you deserve better

Sometimes it’s the familiarity that it attractive. However, you need to remember why you left him. And now very messy this will get should you continue to see him. he’s cheating on his new partner. So he probably hasn’t changed at all.