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Help needed

I am worried about my friends kids.
She has 3 kids. Girl 7 year old and 6 months old. And a 5 year old boy.
Well long story short she is living in fifth I don't mean mess. But every single dish and bowl and cups and cutlery in the sink dirty, the big wheelie bin in side. Dirty clothes everywhere, nappies from bub everywhere the dogs sleep in the bathroom and their is a gross dog smell and shit on the floor. They smoke in their room with the baby in there with ciggie butts in cups and rubbish all over the floor. I don't know if I should report it or go off at her so she gets her shit together


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Answers (7)

Answered by OP

Thanks for your advice. I rang her earlier and we had a great talk. And she's admitted she's not coping and I'm going over each day this week to help her sort it

OP, the way you are talking, it sounds like you are really worried. Only you know if it's a DOC's issue. Are the kids in jeopardy? If so, trust your instincts and do what is right by the kids.

OP I don't believe they are neglected. They are feed, clothed each time I go there just the fifth they are living in I'm worried about can't be good for them to see/ experienced that
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 Surely smoking with a baby in the room is neglect. That's horrible 😥
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OP Yes that is not right by any means
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I would report it. Going off at her might make her back away, it is better to keep an eye on the situation than to have no view of it.

OP Do you have an idea what will they do if I report it I'm worried she will lose the kids? I just want her to get her act together thou.
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 They always try to keep a family together.
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 Takes a number of reports over time before they act
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 Report it. Theres depression and then there's living in filth.
From a child protection stand point they would generally visit unannounced and safety plan. The kids go to a family member and the parents are given a certain amount of time to clean the house. Some depts will also pay for a skip bin. Once the house is clean the kids move back in and a non government organisation will normally work with the family and the government dept goes away.
Child protection works on immediacy and once that immediate risk is minimised it's ongoing casework that the non government and non statutory services can help with. Neglect is cumulative and so the assistance needs to be ongoing.
You're doing your friend a favour by reporting. If she accepts the help the department can offer her then the matter can be dealt with and the risk of children's court proceedings are decreased significantly.

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Motherly grill her as you're helping her clean! Sounds like she is depressed and feels a bit hopeless so has given up. If she doesn't improve book her a doctor's appointment and attend with her then tell her doc what she's like. That with start a conversation where she will be asked if she thinks she's coping and if she needs help. She might be angry for a bit but you're just trying to help and not get her kids taken off her (let her know that, if she does get mad).

I have spoken about this issue before and have a thread on it. My friend is still living in unbelievable filth. It definitely is a mental health issue. I struggle to clean my house when i have a horrible anxiety attack (my "attacks" are more like week long episodes where I am basically paralysed and cannot sleep or eat/function properly.) I think some of these suggestions on this forum are excellent. Help her help herself. Also, boot the male in the house in the arse and tell him to get HIS act together. It isnt the 1950's and the state of her house is NOT souly her fault. He should be equally ashamed and guilted into helping.

I noticed one of my daughters kindy friends had been away for a while after her mum had twins. I didn't have her number but had been to her house for a play date, I just turned up one morning to take her daughter to kindy. The house was trashed, not like you described but like a mum who had just had twins and was not getting any help. I took her daughter to school went back and spent the day cleaning her house, I didn't make a big deal out of it I just started cleaning.

I wold talk to her. She's obviously struggling with something. Don't judge, help. Bring your #1 sitter over to mind her kids. Have a talk and help her get her house in order. It may take a few trips. I got very overwhelmed by housework. My husband wasn't helping and my kids were following his example. The more i fell behind, the harder it got to get anything at all done. I became quite depressed. It went from being a little too much work to an insurmountable amount of filth. Then it just became more overwhelming and harder to get started again.

OP That's a good idea. It's gotten worse since she had the baby so maybe that she's depressed I am trying not to judge but I'm worried
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 Just ask her if she is ok. Tell her she doesn't seem herself and you are worried. Don't bring up the mess right away. Ask her how it's going with the new baby. Ask her if her hubby is helping out. I had a very hard time asking for help when I needed it most. My sister showed up on my doorstep. She didn't leave until I admitted I needed help. Then, we went to the store, got supplies, and tackled it. We talked the whole time and by the time my house was clean, I felt better
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OP Thanks I like this idea x might try it next week when the bigger kids are at school
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