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My daughters friend being racist towards her other friend.


My daughter, who is nearly eleven, is best friends with a boy who isn't always very nice to her. I have taught her ways to deal with it and everything was going fine, until she came home today and mentioned that he was being racist towards an indigenous girl she is friends with. He wasn't using slurs, just repeatedly calling her an 'Aborigine', but in such a manner and consistently that it is obviously meant to be offensive.
I suspect he may be jealous over my daughters friendship with this girl.
My daughter has told me that she does want to continue being friends with this boy, but she's upset about the repercussions it could have on her friendship with the girl. Ultimately, her girl friend won't want to be friends with her anymore if she gets teased by her boy friend.
I'm not sure how to help her, I don't want to advise her not to be friends with him, however I'm concerned about the racial prejudice.

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Answers (4)

It's also probably influenced a lot by his parents views.
I have noticed children who are friends with my non aboriginal child have been really really racist (for a child) towards my aboriginal child, which seems to be a reflection of mum/dad attitude and thoughtless comments made in front of children. Eventually over time they'd all play together and make comments like even though they're black they are still a nice person, but that seed has already been planted by racist parents, it's upsetting and unfair when young children are innocent

I know your saying the way is said it was meant to be offensive but is aborigine the word itself offensive?

Sometimes you have to pick what's right, it's a hard but good lesson. If he is putting down a friend of hers in anyway, is she willing to put with it? It's her choice, but ask her if she was the one who was the victim, would her friend choose her over a mean friend?

OP That's the trouble, she went and straight away told the teacher, then he said he wasn't talking to her.
She is such a kind girl that he has made her feel guilty, no matter how much I tell her she did the right thing.

helpful (0) 
 Yeeaaahh he sounds like a piece of work. I'd try and encourage her to steer clear.
helpful (1) 
 Same! Encourage her to do what she feels is best. She shouldn’t have to choose over them, and if he’s being mean about her friend, it’s peobably always going to be like thjs
helpful (0) 
 That is NOT uncommon. As a teacher and I see females do it all the time. One child behaves poorly - it's reported to the teacher, so the child tries to control and manipulate the 'reporter/person standing up' with the manipulation /guilt trip ''I'm not your friend, I'm not talking to yo..don't talk to her...she got me in trouble!'''. In fact - grown women do it all the time LOL someone calls someone on their bullshit and then we gaslight the other female, cut them off /freeze them out OR try to drag others into to not talking to them also. It's pathetic. I believe you are all over analysing this because it's a BOY/GIRL scenario / friendship. I swear I see it all the time in young girls. It's about power and manipulating / not being able to handle a situation when things aren't going your way OR when you've been confronted or called out on something. OR the feeling of shame in your own behaviour - but deflecting by making the other person feel bad for telling on you.
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This is a forerunner of how he will treat his wife. He will probably find fault with any friends she has. The jealousy reaction is typical control techniques.
If it's not race, it will be other things he will perceive as faults.
Hopefully she will move on to a more suitable boyfriend.
He may force her to choose between him and the Aboriginal friend.
It's tough, but better she learns about this behaviour now,rather than later.

OP Very true, maybe all I can do is steer her away from him
helpful (1) 
 Good idea!
helpful (0) 
 Oh please. I know several boys and girls from primary school who were little a-holes we all grew up together and do now not treat women or people of other races etc. poorly. Just like the girls who were a bit mean and nasty - they are NOT necessarily like that now. Because..people mature and evolve. Children make replicate what they see and hear, the push boundaries, stir, look for reactions in people they go through phases etc. I tell you what - you need to work in a school because if you made assumptions like that there would be LOTS of horrible future husbands AND lots of horrible nasty future wives and girlfriends. Your childhood behaviour does NOT dictate what kind of adult and partner you will be. What he is doing is NOT acceptable but I recall kids doing the same Chinese / Japanese /WOG/ turkey (Turkish) fatty, pimple face etc. TOTALLY unacceptable BUT they are functioning, loving partners and parents now and most likely regret / cringe when they think back to what they did.
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