Got an Answer?
Hey everyone, I left the same day I posted this when he went to sleep. I called police link like someone said to explain I was going to leave with the car and they put me on to my local police officer, we only have two here and so one came and waited at the end of my street to meet us and gave me fuel money himself and escorted me to the highway, I am so grateful. We only took some clothes, toiletries and ID that I packed in the car before he got home that day and he knows where I am because even though I turned off what I thought was find my phone but we think he must have another way to find it, he probably would have known anyway because it's the only place I had to go but my friends husband and brother are both here with us for the next 2 weeks or so until they go back on a work swing, centrelink gave me a crisis payment and a social worker rushed through single parent payments for me and my bank also gave me a domestic violence grant so I'm just looking for somewhere new to go and then I'll get a court order in place so he can't just take the children or anything. The officer that helped has been in contact with me several times a day with advice on what to do next and is watching my husbands movements to give me a heads up if he leaves town. I don't really feel relived to have left, I feel torn and emotional and even guilty and then I feel worse for feeling like that.
The kids are confused but busy for now and I'm worried about where we will end up.
Anyway, thanks so much for all your help and advice and I hope anyone else reading that's going through similar can find a way to escape it.
Scary and uncertain now, but your kids are better of out of that situation! Everything will work out! And all the wonderful ladies in this thread are here to listen and support!
Good luck on your new life ❤️
All the best love I wish you only happiness ❤️
You are smashing it!! GO GIRL xx
Sending love and strength to you friend, good luck on your new adventure <3
Op I'm bewildered. You don't deserve this! This is abuse and the police are there to help you. Even if you are pulled over the worst that will happen if you explain it to them is that they escort you to a refuge.
I would encourage you to take the car just so you can take more things and get further away.
I can't imagine what you are going through but I really wish you all the best. You can do this for yourself and your children's sake. Just thunk about a future where you and your children are free and happy xx
OP I’m in Brisbane with a spare room (I can easily make it two) and will come and pick you and your children up so he can’t report the car stolen and bring you here until we sort out permanent accomodation for you, even if it means putting you on a plane to get to your friend’s house. If this is something you need please let us know. There are enough of us on here who can help you leave and get some support. You and your children need to get out of that environment ASAP.
OP HERE - We're all good, the days are feeling really long living in limbo though, I'm waiting for approval on a rental unit in a really cheap beach town in which my friends husbands family owns a little pub and will put me on as manager. I'm currently doing course to get the appropriate licences and certificates I need,
They're going to give me an advance pay to buy furniture and what not and garnish my wages over time to pay it back. They came for a visit and just offered all of this 😭 they're so nice.
I have a DVO against my husband now because he was sending threatening messages to my friend and I, my eldest child is getting restless about missing school so hopefully I hear back soon (today would be nice). Plan B is to move in to the pub accommodation until we get a house, it's not ideal to do so with the kids but either way this time next week I'll be working and we will have a new home. My friends husbands family have a bit of pull in the town so I'm very hopeful I'll get the rental 🤞🤞🤞
Oh I'm wondering also if you need a new phone and number or at least get it off your husbands account as I remember he worked out where u were from it? My sister's controlling husband has somehow set up their iPhones so he gets all her pictures and text msgs so maybe a trip to the Apple store to make sure there's none of that and a new account in your name only. Restore phone to factory settings if you can't afford a new one. Just covering all bases. And new bank account in only your name. Good luck with it all!
OP how are you going? Have you decided on any plan? I just want you and your children to be safe. This man is not safe.
My heart breaks for you. But honestly I hope the out pour of respect, compassion and solidarity from all these other people here give you the strength you need to stand up for yourself and walk on out that door.
You CAN do this and you WONT let him run your soul into the ground. Life is too short. Teach your kids a great lesson in life not to be treated like shit even if it is their father.
Ok my husband does this. Firstly if you’re married he can’t report the car stolen and also your house is classed as marital property under the law. This is exactly what my husband says and does. This is classed as domestic violence just so you know also. I’m in Queensland but this comes if under federal law being family law so it’s the same in every state. Our situation sounds literally exactly the same form what you’ve written.
I would call policelink and ask anonymously if that's even possible
You husband is only saying these things so you won't leave. You can leave, the police will help you should he report the car stolen but I doubt that he will. Call his bluff
Oh f**k love, I'm so sorry. That's a terrible way to live. Where abouts are you located??? I would love to help you.
You need to start planning. The first thing is pack an emergency bag and leave it with a friend. Go to Anglicare and talk to a social worker and make a plan to leave, get as much information as you can.
Does he know the friend up north, and will he look for you there?
Could your friend pay for bus tickets so you can't get to her? Then you don't have to worry about the car.
This is extreme financial and emotional abuse. You need to get out of there as soon as possible.
There is really no point in trying to save up pennies.
You need to take the advice above about getting advice from Lifeline, take the car, fill it with as much as you can and go to a police station as far away as you can get and report what is happening and that you fear for your own and childrens safety, as you leaving will "set him off", and advise he will probably report car stolen.
Find out where the nearest womens refuge is before you leave, if you can.
The treatment the children are subject to, and that they see you subject to, is damaging for them. They need to be removed from that situation as soon as possible. It will either turn them into abusers, or marriers of abusers, as that is the behaviour they will learn is normal.
Also, he will systematically continue to try and make you feel worthless, which will damage your faith in your own worth and your own capability.
Centerlink will probably give you an emergency grant, (Lifeline will give you guidance over this), and you can take him to court for maintenance.
If you are married or defacto the law decrees that all assets are joint property.
Make sure you gather financial & bank account and property details as best you can before you leave. That will help the lawyer.
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. It is really tough. But once you are away from it you will not look back.
This is abuse. You deserve better. He may report car stolen but you won't get in trouble as it's a joint marital asset. Once you are at a safe location u can call police and inform them. Call domestic violence hotline tomorrow honey xxx
Are you Ok now, OP?
I noticed your last update was 4 days ago. I’m keen to hear if you and the children are doing OK.
Apply for Centrelink
Tell them you are separated and live under same roof cause you have nowhere to live