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I'm a bio mum. My ex recently broke up with his gf. Although I was insecure at the beginning of their relationship I quickly saw what a positive effect she had on my kids weekends with dad. They would mention the meals they ate, the fact that she brushed their hair, they had clothes that fit them (small things), that she went along with them to the footy games, pool parties, bbqs (big things).
She kept an eye on them, made sure they were safe and it made me feel so much better. They miss her now and they have often voiced that they dont like to go to his house now.
My ex would try to make me feel insecure with comments and so can I just say to any gf or stepmum reading this to give a mum time and be respectful. It will go a long way. Plus really think about whether any comment the dad makes is just stirring or is said in anger and might not actually be entirely or even true.
I wish the gf was still around as I'm sure she would have continued to be a great influence in my kids lives.
I’ve been really lucky, my step kids Mum doesn’t cause any issues..... been with the kids dad now for 20 years and had kids of our own.
In the early days I’m sure she got shitty a lot but she spoke to the kids dad and not me. I was not included in their petty arguments thank god, I never got involved.... it was dad’s job not mine.
Bio Mum obviously had a lot of concerns as I had no kids at the time, and was quite a lot younger, but relaxed when she realised I was looking after the kids and making sure they were fed -and happy, and I never tried to take over the Mum title and to this day I’m sure the kids respect me more for not trying to push myself onto them as another Mum!
I’m sure I made mistakes at times but she could see I was doing my best. I hope.
My partner gets lots of rules!
What they can do, what that can eat, who they can see (no girlfriends) girlfriends can't live at the house the kids stay at, and what he must pay for. Any broken rules result in access being cancelled. He took her to court and it's all ok now.
My step daughter's mum loved causing shit storms. She would send things along to upset my kids, fancy toys that couldn't be shared, money to spend on outings and ask for her daughter to be dropped somewhere on Sunday afternoon so the kids could all hear about where she was going. It was awful, I think it got to the point where even the girls dad would dread the visits.