Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Need to get it off my chest....

So my partner and I have been together for about 8 years. He has a good friend that he grew up with and there's always been a sort of chemistry between him and I. Over the weekend, he acted on it. Nothing happened - no kissing or sex etc but I wanted him so badly it hurt. Can't stop thinking about it now, should I have pushed further or did I do the right thing pushing him away. The sexual tension is electric and I feel drunk when I'm around him. Don't know if this is a question or a statement and no doubt the troll with grill me for this. Just wanted to put it out there.


Got an Answer?

Answers (12)

If you're planning on acting on it at a later date, please have the decency to break up with the current beau first

 Absolutely - I wanted to take things further over the weekend but morally couldn't. No way I could live with the guilt.
helpful (0) 
 Its a shame you didn't say that you love your fella too much and could never break his heart 😥 You just lost my vote
helpful (1) 

If you love your partner and want to remain with him then you need to remove yourself from this situation. If the bloke comes over, make sure you're not there. Don't be alone with him etc.

 Great response
helpful (0) 

Remind yourself that this is the sort of man that makes a move on a mate's partner of 8 years - bit of a turn off, isn't it? Now imagine that he meets someone else that turns him on and they have electric chemistry - what's to stop him acting on that too? Clearly not his respect for his mate or the 8 year relationship he's been in.

You have 8 years of growing and deepening your connection with your partner that you really don’t want to jeopardise for a sexual fantasy because of a chemistry reaction. You are around the “7 year itch” stage where relationships are less about spontaneity and more about the cycle of just living together. I was given an opportunity like this but realised that an affair would not lead to a permanent relationship with this person, and it would ruin my relationship with my current partner. It would also ruin their friendship and I expect they would eventually make up and I would be left on the outs. The only reason his friend became so obsessed with me in the first place was because my partner boasted about me to him, and once I saw his friend as the type of guy who was just jealous and willing to dump on his best friend, he stopped being so attractive to me. Good luck with everything.

 7 year itch - so very very valid in my situation.
helpful (1) 

If I had feelings like that for someone else, I’d be truly questioning my love for my husband.
You actually shouldn’t have feelings like that if you truly love your partner.

Another thought - Turn it around - how would you feel if it was your partner feeling those feelings for one of your friends? Would you accuse him of cheating?

Maybe it's the thought of it being forbidden, that makes it more appealing & attractive, especially when you fantasise, everything is wonderful.

If you don't want to take it any further with the friend, try & distance yourself physically & emotionally. Start thinking unsavoury things about him & turning the fantasies dull & boring.

 I agree, it's easy to think others are perfect, create / exaggerate flaws about the friend. Don't let it become between you & your husband. The thrill of acting on the attraction could damage your marriage forever, potentially an unfixable situation.
helpful (2) 

You have a good relationship & share children don’t risk that for some sex. Distance yourself from that guy NOW. Avoid the temptation, turn your head back towards your guy, without that other dude around hopefully special feelings towards your man will blossom again.

Just remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side

Oh no, this is not good. Don’t cheat on your husband, think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed. Don’t do it. Think of your husband’s feelings and of your children.

 Cheating has nothing to do with the children. I’m cheating to keep my family together.
helpful (0) 
 OK we'll now you've lost all credibility. Maybe it's not be directly about the children but just remember that for all actions there is a reaction
helpful (0) 
 The reality is that for most people cheating doesn't increase the likelihood of keeping their family together.
helpful (0) 

I’ve been there. Once you go down that path there’s no turning back. Cheating is addictive, as you described it’s like being drunk when your with the other person. It causes an addiction and eventually you no longer feel the guilt you fall deeper and deeper into the affair.

Do you feel the same way about your partner? Is everything at home okay? I ask because it seems obvious that you have a connection with this other person, that obviously make you feel good. Its good you didn't act on it, however much you wanted to however I suggest you look into your heart and try to work out if you are happy in your current relationship. If you are maybe distance yourself from his mate. Maybe talk to your partner about how you feel what you need from him if something is missing.

 My partner and I are solid. We're very happy and spend a lot of time together both solo and with our kids. I love him very much and do not want to separate or cause any shit between us. I just can't get over the raw chemistry and sexual tension between myself and his friend.
helpful (0)