Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Hit me with your anger management ideas. Also, there's a rant in here too.

My eldest daughter is in second grade. She's had the same teacher for two years now and it feels like the teacher has a big problem with my girl. She's ADHD, which we just found out, but not the kind that fidgets. The kind that daydreams and has trouble focusing. I understand this can be frustrating. So I've been giving the teacher the benefit of the doubt. However, I've seen some unfair bullshit happening lately and I'm reaching the end of my tether with this bitch- sorry, this woman. I've seen her grab my girl by the wrist and yank her around while yelling at her (I saw it from across the courtyard otherwise I would have probably punched her for hurting my child), I've seen her belittle her in front of the class ("oh well done class for finishing that activity sheet quickly. All except for xxxxx, as usual. She never does"), along with other inappropriate things. Continued below.

Report

Got an Answer?


Answers (7)

You are justified in your anger, my advice is to write it all down point for point and make an appointment to see either the principal or vice principal and if you wanted ask for her to be moved to a different class. I do not recommend talking to the teacher, she will deny it and you will get angry. Alternatively write the principal an email or letter to begin with. outlining your complaint.

 I agree with this 100%. Also, do you know any of the other parents? Some of them might be able to back up your story if their kids are getting the same treatment.
helpful (1) 

Your teacher needs anger management advice not you! There is never an excuse to treat a child like that, or let personal feelings get in the way. So unprofessional. Take note of the things you have seen and what your daughter tells you and ask for a meeting with the principal. Don’t stoop to her level and ‘rip her a new one’. Show your daughter how to go about handling tough situations like this without being aggressive.

Don't put up with it. Believe your daughter and be her advocate. Make an appointment with the principal and the teacher. Make sure you have someone else with you and write down everything you want to say. FInd out the process for reporting the teacher, principal and the school to your states department of education before going in.

 Good advice!
helpful (1) 

I’ve got anger issues too and you sound like a great mym being protective of your daughter and rightly so.. I would have gone in their and lost my shit at her in front of the entire classroom.
I wouldn’t approach her but I would go to the principal or assistant and lodge a complaint. That sucks balls though seriously.. they’re supposed to be helping grow and teach young minds, encouraging their creativity, skills and passions... and she’s let you down big time.
Hugs to you and well done for not approaching while angry! X

Answered by OP

Thanks for your advice ladies. I do know another mum who had similar problems a couple of years ago with her eldest, but they've left the school so I'm not sure how much help they'll be in terms of seconding my complaints.
So far I feel like I've held my tongue fairly well about this teacher. But I think it's time for a meeting with the principal. Unfortunately, I didn't take note of the day of the wrist pulling. I was too furious to think clearly at the time. Maybe from this point on I'll take notes of what Miss 7 says and what I witness. I've also put it down to my girl exaggerating things too. Which I'm sure she probably has at some point. But that doesn't invalidate her experience. As for putting her in another class, unfortunately, the other class in second is for the kids who are really good at reading and writing. Not a gifted class or anything, just that the other teacher is known for her hardline approach to literacy and also for her lack of social skills (for dealing with parents). So for this year she'll have to stay where she is
But I swear to the flying spaghetti monster above, if they try and put her in this class again next year I'll be raising hell..
I'm half asleep atm but if I've missed other points to address, I'll reply in the morning and

Answered by OP

But this morning nearly fu****g broke me. We were late to school. We followed the proper routine for being late, pulled up to her classroom, and while I was trying to get into the room to unpack her things so she could jump straight into the class activity (which was just free time on the playground), the teacher yelled at her for forgetting her bag. Which, like every other day, was on my back at the door. My daughter did try to explain that mummy has it just there, but the teacher held her hand up in front of her face and told her to just hurry up and get on with it. While my baby held back her tears (despite the teachers dislike, she really wants her to like her and treat her the nice way she treats the other girls in the class). I gave her a hug, and we put her stuff away and she rejoined the class. Look, I know that as a parent, I'm biased towards thinking my kids are amazing. They are amazing. I know that in this case I'm probably overreacting. But I'm interested in how you manage your anger.
I'm dangerouly close to punching this teacher out. I've been giving her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she has had good reason for her behaviour, maybe my girls a little monster at school. But this morning I saw it first hand and it was not okay. Help me keep my cool.

 You've reached your peak mama bear, this will happen about 10 million more times 😟 I absolutely snap like a psycho but following the rule of never reacting while I'm still angry has been really helpful over my 15 years of being a mother, I still mama bear the f**k out but I give it time first so I don't seem like an irrational banshee. Sleep on it and rip her a new one tomorrow in a calm manner.
Ps. What a bitch. F**k her.

helpful (3) 
 And quote the teachers words back at her and explain how singling her out like that is belittling her. I bet the teacher says it without thinking, and certainly without thinking about its impact on any child who was the target of the comments. Write down what you intend to say, so you think it through properly, and it keeps you "on script" to make your points.
It is so easy for a teachers denial, defensiveness and accusations back to fire you right up so you lose it.

helpful (4) 
 ^ this. Good advice
helpful (1) 

Think of a calm lake, no current or ripples just calm blue water.

Once you can do so in an adult way, get this teacher away from your child. Change classes, even schools of you must.

For the distracted type of ADD, me too. The exercise ball type chair helps keep my mind in the room because i fall off if i start daydreaming.