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Sexless marriage

I love DH, but we haven't had sex in 2 years. It's been 11 years since I've found it satisfying. He has issues with premature ejaculation. I put my foot down nearly 3 years ago and said see a doctor or I'm out. He made some calls, but never followed up or went to a year appointments.
Am I wrong to want some form of sexual joy? I do not want to break up our family or hurt him. I so deeply unhappy, only in this one area of my life, but I'm getting more deeply depressed every day. Could I ask him for an open relationship?


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Answers (8)

Sexual neglect is a real thing and you shouldn't be ashamed of wanting intimacy. If you have given him the chance to try and fix it and he has refused then he is depriving you of something you see as vital to your happiness, and so it should be, sex is wonderful and something everyone should enjoy. If you are considering bring up an open marriage do your research before you bring it up with him and be sure it is something you want to. Dan Savage is an advocate of open relationships in this situation and has a very good advice column, Ester Perell is also another good source of information she is a sex therapist. The internet is full of helpful information. Good luck and don't make yourself suffer like this, take control of the situation and be firm with what will make you happy

 This. Open relationships is a difficult topic so if you feel you need it, you must approach this subject with a lot of caution, and you need to research and try and talk this through without breaking his heart. There are very few things men want to hear less than the fact they can't please their woman. This could work, but it could also break up your marriage completely. Dare I say it, sometimes cheating (yes, cheating) might even hurt the marriage less if it's simply an intimacy thing. It's really up to you.
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 Depriving her of happiness, interesting!
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He is probably deeply embarrassed. Sex might have become something that causes too much anxiety for him? If you love him, there are a few things you could try. You probably don't feel like it, but you could try making a special effort to make him feel loved and wanted. Give him a hand job or a blow job with no expectations (hey - at least it would be over quickly!<-- don't tell him that!)
You could get yourself a vibrator and get some fun yourself - with or without him.

The first step will have to be introducing intimacy again, so try the hand jobs for a while, then move on to mutual masturbation. It would take all the performance pressure off him. It might help to build up his endurance too? My husband and I don't have time for sex very often anymore, and he tends to go off quickly because its been so long between goes. We have found that if we get each other off - me first, then him - we both get satisfied. He might get to come with sex, but he feels bad when I don't make it. My husband loves it when he drives me wild going down on me - maybe your husband would get some confidence back if he can get you to come.

If this doesn't help, he probably needs to see a psychologist - a good GP will be able to recommend one.

The problem isn't just the no sex, its the fact that he is dismissing you. He said he would get help then didn't. You need to have a serious talk and find out whats up. Imagine if it was the other way round, everyone would say the woman was in the wrong.

 I was waiting for the imagine if it was the other way round....

Actually no. If it was the other way round same thing.
A relationship has a sexual component. And you need to agree on it and it's a deal breaker wether it's this situation or a woman who's just a too exhausted with kids to have sex for a year.
It's still neglecting a need your partner has and marriages are not unconditional.

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Are you sure he isnt having an affair? Men lose interest in sex (with their wives/partners) when they are getting it elsewhere........

OP He cannot physically have an affair. He ejaculates if you look at him too sexily! He's too embarrassed to discuss it with medical professionals. How would he approach another woman? Did you even read my question? It's not just disinterest. If that were the case, I wouldn't be staying on and struggling through 11 years of not having an orgasm unless I do it myself, especially the past 2 years of zero intimacy.
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 I was with a married man with pre mature ejaculation and it was a non issue.
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I feel you sister! My husband and I haven't had sex for nearly a year. I try to talk to him about it but he says sex isn't that important and it's not a big deal....he doesn't seem to care that it's a big deal for ME

 Yes, what an asshole.
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I've got the same situation here wxcept its been going on longer. Hes just not interested. I asked him to find a book we could read together... didn't. Ive bought up the open relationship
He doesnt want one. Its so hard because we dont fight and enjoy many of the same things. We also have a 6yr old who would be devastates if we divorced. Also I HATE bringing it up. I end up with a pity f**k and then being ignored for a year or more. Could count the times we have had sex in the last 6 years on one hand I reckon. My ex used to say he was neglected sexually but he got it at least fortnightly even while we had babies and such. This is beyond a joke.

OP Does he have a physical issue? Mine just can't hold it. Someone suggested a handy or beej, but it would not even last 2 seconds and then he runs to the shower because he's so embarrassed he can't face me. I feel like a meanie for even trying to try.
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OP No sure y my "OP tag" is gone...
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 Your ex probably was sexually neglected once a fortnight when your sexual needs are once a day is still very hard to deal with, you end up resenting the partner and get depressed, just like you and op now.
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What about starting with sex tous and addressing his issues? He can learn to use something on you I'm sure? Premature ejavulation is so complicated and I can imagine how frustrating but I just feel there has to be other approches first covered before going that road.

You should have also been more serious and not let him slip it under the carpet if you made a statement to that affect no? I hope you can find some satisfaction, just try cover all avenues first or it could backfire I feel. Best!!

Yes, I think you can. If he won't do anything about the problem you should not have to suffer forever. It could break up your marriage but as least you tried. Hopefully just asking will get him to seek help.