Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Who here has had a marriage/relationship survive an affair?

Im sure the trolls will be out for this one, but i can just ignore them. I know lots of people try to make it work and cant or wish they hadnt. Anyone have a success story?:

Report

Got an Answer?


Answers (5)

My husband slept with a prostitute 3 years ago while I was 7 months pregnant. I didn't find out until a year later. I had no idea it'd happened. I never would have known if he hadn't told me.
The only way I was able to get through was the fact that he had mental health issues, and he came out and told me at his own free will.
It was rough for a while but he went to the psychologist as soon as he told me, offered couples therapy, basically sucked up and apologised as much as he possibly could, so I knew he was sincere in his guilt and regret.
I know he regrets it deeply and I don't even think of it 99% of the time now but every now and then, usually while laying in bed at night, the image will pop in to my head and I'll get a little stab in the heart. But I always turn to him and tell him I'm hurting and he'll lay and cry with me.
If he wasn't the way he was and didn't regret it as much as he does I don't think we would have made it through.

The pain is like nothing I could have ever imagined. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You don't deserve it. Only take him back if he understands how much he's hurt you and he is truly sorry. If he's not truly sorry then there's nothing really stopping him from doing it again.

I think it depends on how you both handle it. Obviously he can suck up as much as he can, but whats your nature like? I think this is something you truely have to put behind you in order to move forward in the relationship happily. I mean, you cant bring it up during future fights, dewell on it etc. If you take him back, you need to accept this and move on together (obviously with his good behaviour indicating he actually wants to be good enough for you).

Personally, i am very unforgiving by nature. Once someone does me wrong, i hold that grudge and i dont give 2 fu**s anymore. Lots of people have told me in the past i must be really unhappy or depressed because of how 'negative' i am about these situations, but to tell the truth, i am actually really happy. I couldnt get past cheating, and thats okay. I shouldnt have too. So really, its how you both think from now on that will either make or break your decision to stay together.

Whatever you decide, good luck. Try afew couples and single therapy sessions to get some perspective on it.

 Same. I could not forgive because I am the type of person that ferociously holds a grudge. I'm not sad either, I'm just not good at giving second chances. Leopard.. spots.. and so on.
helpful (1) 

Two replies so far and both of them have a common thread which I feel is absolutely essential in possibly rebuilding a marriage after going through this....the "offending party" had sincere remorse and deep regret of their actions and was willing to take ownership of their behaviour, take responsibility and make drastic changes. If these things are taking place, then yes, you can get through although the road is tough. If on the other hand, the person who cheated/affair, whatever, is blame shifting, making excuses, doesn't care etc, then you would need to question whether it is worth pursuing a reconciliation.

MY husband had an emotional affair , texting , videos etc by a girl and it went in for 8-10 mths before I found the evidence. I went ballistic especially because we were overseas At the time
We separated for 3-4mths.
In that time we had a few very frank conversations, marriage coucilling and a whole lot of tears n tantrums.
We have 2 kids as well so it was very hard for us all.

My husband n I worked so hard to get our marriage back on track .
Both parties have to want it.

My husband did a lot of work on his mental health and changed jobs so he no longer travelled , he changed his ph number, deleted social media and become more involved.

I did a lot of soul searching, I started to look at our marriage differently and realised I needed to be stronger , more independent and less reliant.

We are 15 mths on and we are happy, strong and better. We have our bad days and it’s hard and some days are harder then others but we have learnt to communicate better.

Fight if both are willing to.

One person can’t do all the work..

Someone once told me: marriage is a partnership. Some days u will have no energy and ur husband will give more but on other days his going to need you to give. But never ever let ur giving days outweigh his.remember it’s a partnership not a dictatorship........

From September 2015 to July 2016 I had an affair that almost cost me my marriage.

Although my husband doesn't know about it the strain it had on my relationship was almost unbarable. While the guilt became less as the affair went on I found myself questioning my feelings for my husband and how it had become so easy to cheat on him.

I came to the conclusion that I lovesmd my husband more than the other man and sought counselling on my own. I then focussed all my energy and attention on to my family and vowed never to stray again.

Its been just over a year since I last slept with or communicated with the other guy and I feel my marriage is now stronger than ever.

 Yeah but good chance if your husband found put your marriage would be over 👍 so it's only good because he doesnt know
helpful (4)