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I am so sick of mum's jumping to "has your child been diagnosed with autism?"

Why does anyone feel the need to offer a diagnosis for a child's behaviour? I just read a post on the imperfect mum's page about a 12 year old girl not having anyone come to her party. One woman asked if her daughter had autism! I am so over the need to offer a diagnosis because a child may or may not be in societies acceptable box. Sorry rant over.


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Answers (15)

Yes! Now wait for the diagnosed ASD mums to attack.
Seriously, we get that you're trying to help. And we appreciate the gesture. It's lovely that you're trying to assist us with your own knowledge and experience. But not everything is autism, or ADHD, or any other label. Sometimes people are just quirky. Sometimes people, especially children, just need space and time to grow into their personalities.
By todays standards I probably would have been flagged as possibly autistic, as a child. But, I was just shy, clever, and had a few intense interests that most people didn't understand.

OP Thank you for getting my point!!!
helpful (0) 
 Love this comment.
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I honestly feel a lot of parents TRY to have their child diagnosed with a letter disorder when really their kids are naughty from the result of shitty parenting.
And.. no should be more annoyed by that than the parents of children that really do have asd or whatever.
It's like it's "cool" to have a child on the spectrum these days, absolutely ridiculous!

 I have a child with ADHD and I am so sick of hearing people say this!
I fought hard to stop my child being diagnosed with ADHD.
I changed his diet, went to parenting classes, behavioral clinics, hearing tests, ENT specialists appointments....just to name a few things.
And only those very close to us and his teacher, know about it. I don't go bragging about it to every person I meet.

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 ^I know right. My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD and I've been doing my damnedest to try and minimise it. Because people will go "haha my kids more hyperactive than yours he must have it too" - godamn it Linda that's not how this works! People are shit.
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 2 of my kids have asd and one also has gdd. Belive me we do not want this. I always assumed my kids were just naughty little shits and i failed. Pressure from family to get them looked at.
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OP You women are amazing,
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 There a difference between kids who clearly have adhd and kids who are just turds. My kid is a turd. He hates classroom learning settings and doesn't pay attention because he's bored early. All the teachers and mum's feel the need to tell me to get him assessed. Ugh he doesn't have anything he just hates the classroom, and organised activities. At home he's completely different. Finally he has a teacher this year that gets that he's just a twit! There a mum , friend of mine, who plays the "my child has unmedicated add" card. No your kid is a nasty controlling bully but you still want everyone to accept that. There's a kid with add, medicated, but still clearly has the disorder. I think it really puts a bad name for kids who are suffering from actual diagnosis!
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 ^Do you think he is disrupting the class and that is why the other parents ask you about it because its affecting their childs learning? I know of a boy who was completely off the walls in Kindy and the teacher tried so hard to get the parents to consider ADHD but they wouldn't have a bar of it. Tried to tell her that its because she wasn't strict enough. In the meantime other parents were constantly complaining because if this child wasn't hurting someone he was running riot and stopping the other kids from learning. His parents ended up leaving the school because it was apparently "useless" and 2 weeks in to the new school he stabbed a girl with a pencil then wrapped his hands around her throat. Instantly expelled and the parents finally realised that maybe their kid has a problem. Not saying this is what your child is capable of, but what you see is your "normal". You don't know him to be any different. Other people might be able to see it.
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 Totally agree with previous poster.
Have a friend whose kid is like this, mother is completely oblivious and unwilling to accept her kid has something like add or ODD. Absolute denial and angry that a professional even suggested it! Shame because the child has hurt mine repeatedly, and others, and she thinks the child just naturally needs to run all day long and shouldn’t need to sit still at a younger age. Goodluck to the school and kids this one comes across at school.

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I hate it too. I didn't even know what Autism was until my son started school 18 years ago and there was a girl in his class who was highly Autistic, she didn't speak and had massive meltdowns all the time. Ever since I heard it more and more. Mums at playgroup saying they are getting their kids tested because they don't make eye contact or like to sort their toys out in strange ways. My own kids tick a few boxes too and when one of my sons was going through some trouble in kindy the teacher suggested he be tested. We did and nothing came of it. This child is now 17 and the most 'normal' of all 4 of my kids. I truly believe that if you tested a child through an awkward stage they could tick enough boxes to say yes, this kid is on the spectrum. In my opinion the spectrum is too large. We don't need to label kids for simply being a bit quirky. If intervention is not required then neither should a diagnosis.

Some times I find myself wondering, is there any one other than us left in Australia that doesn't have a kid with "Autism"?? Diagnosed by google most of them I'm sure, this must make parents of children with ACTUAL autism completely furious! All this downplaying of it is going to have a very real affect on asd kids in the future.

ADHD adult here. I was misdiagnosed with other things throughout my entire life and ended up near-suicidal all because my parents didn’t want to jump on the ADHD ‘bandwagon’ so they ignored my symptoms as normal kid behaviour. I finally dragged myself to a psychiatrist when I was 24 and he told me I wasn’t crazy I just had very obvious ADHD and he was appalled it had been overlooked by so many doctors and teachers etc. Medication (and therapy) saved my life.
I think people swing too far to either extreme making it hard for people who actually have the conditions.

 That is so true. So glad you sought help for yourself. What a strong brave individual you are! X
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 ^ thank you very much 😊
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“My child doesn’t read that well, is he/she autistic?”
“My child threw a toy, does he/she have ADHD?”
“My son likes barbies, is he transgender?”

I constantly see this all the time and honestly it’s pretty fu****g entertaining 😂

 Yeah entertaining now. Not so entertaining for the paramedic cutting them down after they hang them selves because mummy and daddy needed to feel special and have a special child.
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 Wow what the f**k is that... over reacting much ?
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 Jesus Christ that went from 1-10 real fu****g quick. 😂
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Mum of a diagnosed ASD child here. Not going to attack, I promise. I actually agree with you. I think presuming every little quirk could be autism, minimises autism. And it’s extrmely frustrating. If you look st one symptom of autism on it’s own, like poor eye contact then nope nope, not autism. Put a bunch of symptoms together and yes very likely.

What sucks is thinking you are failing your child. I am an awesome parent and my child is the most disliked at his kindy. It's not my parenting. It's those letters that impact on his behaviour and brain function. Don't belive in it? Talk to an adult with letters attached. I am ADHD. Diagnosed as a child. My parents missed the ASD signs. It sucks when you know that you are doing the wrong thing but can't control it. I am still impulsive as an adult. Beside with a bunch of other problems my ADHD makes me pretty damn amazing also. Get over the letters. They don't excuse behaviour they explain behaviour. It's my job to work with those kids to be awesome regardless of the negativity people attach to them. Someday my son will have friends because I am active in assisting him in being the best version of himself regardless of a diagnosis.

 THIS. It EXPLAINS behaviour not excuses it
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 Go you strong mama! You know how best to help yourself, and also your kids. I’m in awe of mums like you ❤️
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I haven’t really come across any mums like this. But with a child that could be on the spectrum or could not be (as other posters have said the spectrum is massive and a few things that can put a person on the spectrum they can also be normal with some quirks) and for this reason we have chosen NOT to get a diagnosis and finding it hard to push back when all sorts of professionals saying we should. If it was going to help our child we would but we are receiving help for the quirks along the way and wouldn’t get any different help if there was a diagnosis.
I just don’t really understand why people would want to put a label on their child. Why would you want them to be looked at differently, and their future job prospects with having a “disorder” for some very minor quirks ?

 Yes, definitely! Imagine trying to apply for jobs in the place you grew up where so many people know you as "that kid with autism". It would scare many people away. Also, romance in the future? I know these attitudes come from lack of understanding but they are there unfortunately, and I would imagine it would affect ones life probably more than having the diagnosis in the first place.
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 Having a diagnosis for my son meant accessing therapies we would not have otherwise been eligible for. He has the formal diagnosis but I certainly don’t label him as having autism. Nor is it an excuse for bad behaviour. No. (In actuality, behaviourally he has never had problems. But he does get disciplined for being naughty as all kid she can be. I do not want him to be the kind of adult who blames a diangnosis for being horrible). Before the diagnosis he was receiving speech and occupational therapy and making little progress. WIth the diagnosis he has been able to access ABA, and he has thrived. So for some I its more than a label.
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 What is ABA ?
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 Applied Behaviour Analysis. But it isn’t really as it sounds. It’s an amalgamation of therapies (speech therapy, occupations therapy, psychology) tailor made for each child with autism. My son was non verbal before he started. Even after 3 years of standard speech therapy. It’s been amazing for us.
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 I was the op of this comment; I asked about the therapy because I’m intrigued if we did get a diagnosis what sort of extra treatment we’d get. At the moment we currently have ot speech psych and paediatrician help for a child without a diagnosis and with (like I referred to above, quirks that may or may not put a child into that ‘spectrum’ ) so I still find it hard to see how there is any further help that a diagnosis can provide.
In saying that, I am happy for you that your child has excelled with getting the help you need.

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 Please don’t think I was suggesting you need a diagnosis. No. If my son was progressing with the services we were accessing pre diagnosis, no way would I have gone through the process. Which is not as simple as going to the doctor and getting a medical certificate. It’s a very drawn out process. So, if you don’t feel it necessary then you shouldn’t put you and your child through that. Just for, as you said a label. My son’s speech therapist was the one who suggested we have him assessed, and got the ball in motion as she was certain he had ASD (I really wasn’t sure) and thought he would do well with ABA. And she was right. So for us it was worth it.
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 No that’s fine, all helpful info really.
We are in the motions of being assessed for funding for longer term help, as our speech therapist was pretty adamant my child was on the spectrum. But while we have a gap in our hand over of therapists, my child seems to be adapting and coming along, just maybe a bit slower than normal.
Anyway, didn’t mean to hijack the thread.... but am always interested if people see value in getting the diagnosis, and how.
Thanks for your responses x

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 No that’s quite ok! Every kid on the spectrum is so different with varying needs so these kinds of conversations are really quite interesting and insightful
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Agree. So many people are so quick to jump on the autism or ADHD bandwagon now, making it almost part of the “cool” club and using it as an excuse to be shit parents. It’s the same as the multitudes of women calling their exes narcissists or psychopaths. They aren’t and those terms shouldn’t be tossed around freely.

 The ex thing! Having escaped an actual psychopath, I only feel sympathy for the women who mistakenly label their exes that. I wouldn't wish the reality of it on anyone. When people bitch to me about their ex I just listen patiently. He may very well be psycopathic for all I know. But if he's not, they still need to talk about the arsehole things he does.
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 My husband is supposed to be a narcissist according to his ex, I haven't witnessed any proof of that yet! She has no idea what one is, my ex was very abusive and I still don't think he was a narcissist. I have done quite a bit of reading on it because I believe my mum is one, to help me heal from the shit she put me through I have been learning why she is the way she is. It is a real mental illness. It annoys me when people throw it around like nothing.
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Oh I totally agree, so sick of people using this to some way excuse their kids behaviour or get a carers payment. These parents should be the ones being diagnosed with SPD (shitty parenting disorder). Before anyone wants to have a go at me I have a family member who is quick to get her kids diagnosed and medicated just so she can collect a cares payment for them and so she can drug them up to make them more controllable. Now I know it’s shitty parenting because these kids have grown up basically raising them selves and listening to their parents talk filth, so they think shitty rude behaviour is fine. To all the real mums with the real diagnosis I take my hat off to you.

Children having asd is not a crime. People need to grow up plenty of worse things for a child to have. Plus asd is such a broad spectrum that we are all on it in someway.

 That is the problem, the spectrum is so broad it covers children who don't really need a diagnosis.
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Why do people feel we have to label our kids???

 Why do people feel the need to label anyone?
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 Because I needing the funshib to help take the burden off her treatments
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My child has APD with dyslexia.

I KNEW something was up from the age of around 4, suspected before that though.
this is a kid who’s so creative and so good at problem solving and literally years ahead of her peers physically, but at 5 couldn’t count to ten. Couldn’t follow 3 instructions.
Got told for years by teachers, she’s just learning at her own pace, she’ll get there.
I kept pushing for dyslexia but knew nothing of APD. I had people suggest she may be autistic but I knew that wasn’t what was going on, it was just this with a shy closed off personality.

Funny enough I posted on the imperfect mum two years ago... frustrated.
A few people suggested autism there too....

But it doesn’t irritate me. I understand maybe they went through what I went through in their own journey and they are trying to be that voice that offers the arrow that leads the right way.

Like with everything take it or leave it, if it’s not for you then move on. People’s intentions are mostly always good.
You don’t know EITHER persons journey. Maybe they see something in the post that they assimilate with, and are only trying to help.

Incidentally what help did you offer?

 Good post. Are you willing to share any info on what apd looks like in your child
(I posted on another comment about not having any diagnosis but a child that has been suggested by professionals as on the spectrum’)
I ask this as I’ve never heard of apd (until googling it) and i would like insight.. I guess there are many things that could be, and take a professional to diagnose. But info from others is always helpful

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 For us the APD is more subtle as it’s so connected to her dyslexia.
Maybe I’ll just run by the earning signs we say.
She spoke late, couldn’t learn to count, started copying what I wrote but would write “pyhap” instead of “happy” and couldn’t tell me what was different (that’s very much the dyslexia side)
When they started learning sounds in kindy she was the only kid at the end of the yeat that just wasn’t understanding it. That’s very much part of APD

APD shows obviously with her ability to follow instruction, for us it’s easy to seperate want from ability as she’s a people pleaser so she very much wants to do as she’s told but will leave out part of the instruction every time.

She struggle with short working memory and just has to work so hard to “store” information, the can be a mix of APD and dyslexia as you don’t know what part of it is poor storing wiring or she didn’t hear it correctly.

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 Oh ok that’s really interesting. Haven’t heard much about that so your insight was helpful.
Thank you

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