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Let it go. There's nothing you can do. No point hating her. He's a grown a*s man and has made a choice. The odd phone call, when he's working or driving is how we do it. I've made peace with it. No point stressing on it as much as it stings. If you can't let go of the anger, try therapy or starting a new hobby. Channel it into something positive. Best of luck
My mum does all the planning because her husband cant be bothered. Thus, we see them a bit more. Maybe if you take the initiative to plan more?
My stepmother is the same. She stopped Dad having us when we were younger and as we got older and tried to have a relationship with them and our 3 younger siblings she started so much drama until we were pushed away again. I have nothing to do with my own father now, I figured if he lets someone dictate to him who he can and can't have a relationship with then I don't want him in my life. Unfortunately it has meant cutting the younger siblings out too.
My dad is a bit like this too - very domineering partner who hates me (I tried, I really tried, to get along with her!). He has only two children and one grandchild and rarely sees us. I was very angry with her initially, but at the end of the day he is a grown man. Obviously she, and peace in his home life, is more important to him than spending time with us. I am polite on the rare occasions I see them, call him occasionally (maybe three times a year) for a chat when he's at work and try to forget about them the rest of the time. Life's too short for this rubbish, I've got great in-laws and my mum and step-dad, so I've emotionally moved on.