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My partners ex has accused him of having anger issues

Partner and I have been together for 5 months. His ex has accused him (before and since we got together) - to him and to others of having anger issues. I have not once seen this in him although he has admitted that they argued a lot which for him, in part led to him leaving. She hasn't accused him of any physical violence only verbal.
I'm constantly looking out for this behaviour although I've never been given any indication that this could happen. He communicates with me extremely well, is gentle and kind, transparent. We have talked about these accusations and I really feel he has been open with me.

Please tell me your thoughts.

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Answers (16)

My ex’s new partner seems so lovely. She’s softly spoken and polite and all I want to do is tell her to run for the hills!
I doubt she’d believe me if I gave her just a snippet of his history. Unfortunately she’ll learn for herself. (I genuinely hope she doesn’t get hurt in the process)

I guess it depends on where the warning / accusations are coming from. My perspective is genuinely of concern but some ex’s are just spiteful.

Trust your gut. Actions are who he is, words are just what he wants to be.

Good luck

My husbands ex was the same she even put an avo out on him. We've been together 10 years not a god damn problem. But she's a known liar. Did the same to her next ex too. Which we know was a lie too. Some woman are just liars & aren't afraid to do the dirtiest of deeds to get want they want or play the victim.

My husband and his ex used to argue a lot. When things were going well she would start an argument - like a self sabotage type thing. She had a lot if issues. My husband and I communicate really well and have hardly ever had an argument in the 10 yes we've been together. Some people work well together, some don't. Maybe your partner did have anger issues whilst he was with his ex, maybe he gas learnt from those experiences, maybe it's her, maybe she is making it up. Who knows. All you know is what his actions are showing you now. Keep the communication lines open and I guess keep it in the back of your mind but don't let what an ex says hinder the relationship. Make your own mind up.

 Sometimes it can be a mix of two people together that brings out the worst in each other but I would be weary if he’s already practiced the behaviour, it can be hard to undo. You won’t really know till you go through tough times to see how he handles relationship stress.
helpful (3) 

5 months isn’t long. You’re still in that honeymoon phase, and it’s possible you haven’t seen his true self yet. I think you’re wise to be cautious and time will tell if what his ex says is true or not.

Give him benefit of the doubt.
If he proves you wrong then move on without him.
If all the things exes say were true then everyone wound be evil.

You’ll have no idea until later on. 5 months is not long enough

My partners ex says the same thing about him but for over 4 years the only one of them I have seen with anger issues is her. She has physically assaulted him throughout their relationship and also since separated. Every single text message from her is angry and abusive. She verbally abuses him if we have to be somewhere with her.

Flip the other way, my ex was really abusive and can't control his anger at all. He tells everyone I am psychotic and caused him to be that way, people believe him sometimes but he's had 2 more girlfriend's since me and its the same story. Its always the partners fault for making him angry.

So my advice is, and this goes for everyone whether they've been told things from the ex or not, trust your instincts. Don't move in until you have witnessed for yourself how he handles stressful situations and how he deals with anger. If you do see him not handle his anger dont think its going to get better because it doesn't, it gets worse.

My ex said the same about me. We argued a lot and it was often mean and loud....going on for hours. This was from both sides though. We were so unhappy. I've been with my new partner for a few years now and we dont behave that way. I really believe some couples just dont work. My ex blaming it all on me was not a surprise though. He was hurt that I had left and wanted me to look bad.
This could be what is happening. Especially now you are with him. Just keep vigilant but dont let it ruin any chance of a happy future with a guy that might of just clashed with that one person.

You sounds like my exes partner... if so I just lodged all the evidence to the family law court and subpoenaed his police record... hope it’s not you but if it is you’ll see proof soon

 Which area do you live in?
helpful (0) 
 Gold Coast
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 Juicy
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 So he was charged with verbal abuse? And you have evidence of it lodged with family court?
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 Threatening to commit murder suicide with our child, threatening to kill me, threatening to do a lot of things. Then breaking into my house, stalking, drug dealing, exposing our child to drugs who is 8 and to the point that marijuana was detected in her system. List goes on and on... Yes, I just lodged for Sole Parental Custody and have been granted it.
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 The op is saying verbal, i highly doubt you have the same guy.
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 It was a comment in passing, she asked about if the ex was right about her boyfriend being verbally abusive previously in his old relationship as she hadn’t witnessed it herself.

In my past my ex was, someone commented as to why I needed to lodge to federal circuit court. I started my “current” situation not past.

Thanks

helpful (0) 

It depends on the people in the relationship.
They might clash, they might really fit. My ex was a mega douche, and financially controlling, passive aggressive, and in general a piece of shit. I'm sure I was no delight either. I would withhold sex when I was upset with him, I slept in a separate room for 18 months.
But now we're not together, he still gets in my nerves, but he's really considerate with other people and helpful and totally different to how he was with me. Because we were not a good fit.
My partner now would never get married to anyone else despite being in two long term relationships. We're getting married this year and haven't really been together that long. We just really fit I guess.

I would still be cautious although you seem to have open communication with your partner. If your partners ex is hell bent on people knowing what he is/was like then I think she still has feelings for him. Curious to know how long they had been separated prior to you guys hooking up??

 A year officially but 3 years coming. Separate rooms whilst having couple counseling etc.
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 Sorry that was meant to read that we started dating after they had been separated. Not that it's a year now. I'm his first serious relationship since.
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My ex's first girlfriend after we split didn't believe me that he had anger issues and was violent. Guess who rang me 6 months later with a black eye and a swollen lip all of a sudden believes every word I said?

 She helped me in court to make sure he has nothing to do with the kids and apparently some other woman has decided that both me and the other girl are lying, manipulating bi****s and let him knock her up after only a month of dating. I was smart enough not to give that one my number lol
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Hmmmm it could be true or not
My ex has anger issues. I think I told the first one after me and she abused me for it. She didn't believe me. He told her I am mentally unstable with anger issues and told my new partner the same. I'm really nice lol I'm so nice I'm constantly taken advantage of my whole life. I hate conflict. My new partner didn't listen and we've been together 12 years.
My ex, well that gf that didn't believe me, in the end she got an avo on him and took him to court and told them he is abusive to her and he only got supervised access visits with the child they had. There's been many more exes since then and a current one about to move in. It starts again.
What I think happens is he focuses all his hate and anger on 'current ex' so 'new gf' only gets the best part of him AND feels sorry for him that he has been thru all this stuff with someone who must be a crazy ex
It was only once I got court orders finalised and asked for written communication only, no verbal handover etc that he couldn't really come after me so he turned on the new one. And repeat and repeat


But if my partner had listened to the lies he said that I was the angry one, maybe we wouldn't be together, married with a beautiful dtg.

Only time will tell, be cautious look for signs, only judge if there's evidence tho and don't forgive too easily.

Some people bring the worst out in each other. Believe her (not believing and supporting each other is how women are facing the issues we are) but give him the benefit of the doubt perhaps he didn't respond to the situation and reacted emotionally and perhapsshe did too. Keep watch for red flags and stand your ground should anything cross the line.

They sound like they had an unhappy marriage. People who are unhappy argue and disagree. She could be referencing the time at the end of their marriage. Give it a year he won’t be able to hide his true colors for that long.