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Husband lying for a year (working) but not really working right to be mad?

Husband and father of three has been lying for over a year saying that he is working evenings. Recently found out he was playing social football on these "work evenings" leaving me to deal with the stress of three kids. He gyms 2 hours per day everyday, plays rugby one night a week following a long drinking session until 2-3am and now I have found out he's lying about that. I am fuming. I think 14hours of gym plus one night of rugby followed by a night out is more than enough me-time! I get two hours on a Sunday that's it and quite often I am working then. Am I right to be really upset?


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Answers (18)

What a di*****d.
This is more then just lying in afraid. He isn't wanting to be present in your marriage, kids lives etc.
I would be giving him an ultimatum and yourself a deadline.
Three months for him to cut his crap, and make an improvement or you are out of there.
I'd also start saving and making your plan out because I'm sorry to say he most likely won't change

 I don't want to agree but my ex was exactly this person, are you sure you aren't married to him? 😂
But he never changed, his life was all about the single life, and family was for show. Sports everyday of the week, drinking and dinners with the boys, cards with the boys, on the weekend drinking and more sports, or golf and nights out with the boys.
I took up volunteer work which meant he had to watch the kids a few hours and he refused to, but turned it around onto me never being home so both our families made me feel shit for having priorities over the kids!
We are still "friends" now, but nothing ever changed. After the initial shock of me leaving, he filled any remaining spare time with dating, so now his life is sports, drinking, partying and dating. The only plus side is he never gets a serious girlfriend, maybe he realised he wasnt cut out for family life? Still all about the single life and he's in his 40s now

helpful (1) 

I would be livid and probably turf him out after setting fire to all his shit, I'm a little bit psycho though so maybe just me?
The dude is obviously not in it through the tough times, shirking his responsibilities and it's probable this isn't his only huge lie, liars gonna liiiiiieeeeee forever.

It shows such disrespect, sadly I’m wondering if the joke has been on you with his social football friends too which would be pretty hard to recover from, because that is so disrespectful

 And of course, he would have to be making lies about other things since he is getting away with it. How screwed up, I’m so sorry
helpful (2) 

He is carrying on as if he is a single man. Totally selfish. You would be better off on your own.
As the others say if hes lied about this what else is he lying about, and he is very unlikely to change.
Do you know if the social football includes him setting up liaisons with other women ?
Before you do anything, get your ducks in a row; make sure you know what money he earns, and is it all going into a joint bank account.
If your money is not fully shared and you do not have access to it, that is a massive red flag.
You want to know all your family financial details, so if it comes to a split up, you have the information for your lawyer, and copies of same. Day to day accounts, investments, super, mortgages etc.
It might take a bit of planning.
Then give him the ultimatum about helping out, and you getting a share of free time. And no lying.
Make sure you know, and communicate clearly what you want.
Because he has lied, and over several things, he is deceitful, as well as selfish. You need to get all the facts you can before saying anything, so if things don't change immediately you are ready to make your move.
Personally, I would never trust him again, and I would be looking to leave.
You don't exactly have the support of a husband in raising the kids by the sound of it.

F**k yeah. He’d be out the door & locks changed if he was my husband.

Does he know that you know? Because if he doesn't you can have some fun messing with his mind regarding "work"

How could he be lying for 12 months? Where was his income and money coming in

 That’s what I want to know? How did he not work for a year and you have no idea?!
helpful (0) 
 I am guessing he has a 9-5 job and having to work late is on top of his regular role (maybe paid or unpaid depending upon his role and seniority).
helpful (0) 

Of course you are! Where’s the balance? He sounds so selfish, and as he is hiding it he knows it, but clearly doesn’t care.

Put dog shit in his football boots. Freeze it so that he doesn't notice it until he he there and getting ready for the game.

Whoah before you go changing locks and planning your exit, figure out if you want to stay and for the relationship to be repaired. If you do want it better I would strongly suggest going to couples counseling do that these things can be said without argument s and defensiveness. There sounds like the needs to be some serious communication improvements between both of you.. him to stop lying and you tell him how neglected and under appreciated you feel.

Of course you’ve got a bloody right! It’s not the 70s

I would change the locks.

 It’s illegally
helpful (0) 

Oh gosh. I would be livid.
Did he confess or did you find him out?
So disrespectful on his behalf. 12 months of lying (about anything) is a deal breaker for me.