Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Husband always ruins my birthday

This is not normal behaviour right? Or is it & I should just get over it?

My birthday is in 2 weeks and I’m dreading it, for years he has found a way to ruin my birthday year after year, it’s been so long since I enjoyed my day.

Anyway, does this happen to anyone else?


Got an Answer?

Answers (12)

Leave him home with the kids, book yourself a massage and organise to have lunch with someone pleasant who won’t ruin your day. Tell him you’ll celebrate as a family in the evening- store bought mud cake and takeaway. If he objects, point out that his past behaviour on your birthday has made it very clear that he resents having to participate in anything nice that is meant for you and from now on, you’re making sure it won’t happen again.

He's a Narcissist. Leave him as he'll only get worse!

My husband does the same thing. I hate any special day now

helpful (1) 

It’s sad people live with this thinking it’s normal. Being called an effing wh**e are you kidding me? You can totally get a better deal with someone else just saying....

Yep, I don’t know what it is he ruined all my birthdays from my first one with him!!!
I just do my own thing now and expect nothing ,
I enjoy it with my beautiful kids and spend a night with girlfriends in a unit.
Haven’t had a bad birthday or disappointment since!

 Just saw your comment re the other days too!!!
My hubby also does this!!!! He’s gotten better at Christmas now the kids are older but he’s just horrid on occasions.

He has bad anxiety and over the years iv realised this may be the cause

Because other than this he’s actually a nice husband lol, makes me tea every morning, gets me treats I like plays heaps with our kids

helpful (0) 

What the? Calling someone a wh**e is caused by HIS anxiety?! That’s terrible and an excusing someone for consistent verbal does not have to be like this for you!!

How does he ruin your birthday? I’m so sorry for what you’re going through 😢

 Well the first time he ruined it, he called me a fu****g wh**e for not putting petrol in HIS car. He always starts fights with people on my bday. He does the same on Christmas. I feel he gets like anxiety on special occasions and just becomes horrible.
helpful (2) 
 Sounds more like a narcissistic problem. He can't handle the attention being on someone else even for a day so starts arguments because he knows that's the best way to bring him back to the centre
helpful (5) 
 No I see it as the op sees it, that he gets anxiety. My husband has done similar things, but not to that level.., he just gets frustrated excessively at things on such days, but not Christmas. I feel for you.. perhaps preplan and tell him that you don’t want to be a stress etc, that maybe you’ll do something low key just in the morning and then do nothing isn’t the afternoon? Something that doesn’t require much, like breakfast out at a child friendly place, and buy yourself a gift instead?
helpful (2) 
 Wow. My husband would never call me a fu****g wh**e and if in some parallel universe he did, it'd be his first and last time
helpful (2) 

Take courage, it's hard to do at the time, but you will say to yourself why did I put up with the situation for so long. Your self worth takes such a knock when you are with a jerk, but you can and will build yourself up again. Ask for help from people you trust.

My ex husband used to put a dampener on most occaisions, especially the kids birthdays. I'd be running around trying to get things done and also try to make it fun and pleasant for the guests but many times I'd be on the verge of tears because of his behaviour, either him lying on the couch up until the party or muttering about how he 'can't be bothered doing all this' (own child's birthday) or going and sitting down and getting guests to cook the bbq meat (I kid you not), because he 'hates doing it' (you had 1 job, mate), being rude to guests, having inappropriate manners, the list goes on. Sounds petty but very soul destroying after a few years.

 Why they do this is beyond me. I hope things get better for you OP. Can you plan something that doesn't involve him?
helpful (0) 
 Is he on drugs ?
helpful (0) 
 Pothead. But was a bit like that anyway before he went back to being a pothead.
helpful (0) 

And you are with him because ......?

 I’m trapped
helpful (0) 
You can go to police and they will find you women’s shelter

helpful (1) 
 Yeah if only it was that easy? Easy to comment when you’re not in that situation huh
helpful (5) 

My husband actually made me apologize for having a birthday. I stopped including him in my birthday festivities.