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Too much hassle or? Is it wrong?

Shortest back story possible I was widowed 10 years ago when my kids were young, I haven’t dated since he died (numerous reasons, felt my kids needed my attention, didn’t feel a need, still loved my husband, I didn’t wanna complicate my kids lives)
Iv been friends with this guys family for 20 years (very close) his kids refer to me as tia (Aunty but’s that’s a common name for parents friends)
His wife passed away 3 years ago, I was good friend with her , I reached out to him on a solidarity front...
we ended up getting closer over the years.
The passed 6 months iv started to develop feelings for him. I don’t know how I never noticed it all before.

I can’t tell anyone cos all my good friends are too close to the situation, (sister in laws, sisters, cousins) the words will just spread fast.

He doesn’t give a shit but I’m hesitant as I’m scared what people will think.
It looks bad but would you accept an explanation of truth?
Some of them are a bit Spanish crazy.

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Answers (6)

It sounds very natural and beautiful you supported each other as friends and love grew. I would just make sure it's really something so you don't lose the friendship of each other and mess with the social circle. But if its serious go for it and I bet you will find a lot of your friends are supportive and maybe hoped it would happen. They should want you both to feel cared for and happy.

OP We’ve kept it to ourselves for 6 months.
I really feel like it could be more.

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Dont let anyone elses supposed morals stand in the way of this love. This situation sounds fine to me. Anyone who loves you both will want you to be happy more than they want to be right.

OP I just feel like it will look like there’s been feelings all along. She was very very very loved and people might feel protective of her and her kids .
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Even if it does look bad, which personally I don’t see how it would, who care? Will it make you happy? You and him know the truth and that’s all there is to it.

OP It’s not just about me though, there’s kids and a huge family involved it’s not only about my happiness.
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I actually knew two people who this happened to. I personally thought it was a bit weird (to fall in love with your deceased partners best friend. Albeit beautiful in the same token. I kept my opinion to myself though and the couple live together jb perfect harmony and all the people that care about them support them 100%.
Go for it 💕 you deserve to be happy after going through so much. Wishing you lots of happiness on your new journey

I don’t see the problem at all. It’s not like you’re having an affair or running off with your sisters husband. You were both bought closer together due to unfortunate circumstances in both your lives. You deserve to be happy again, so does he.
Everyone will have their opinion because that’s how us humans are channeled, but at the end of the day as long as you 2 are happy that’s all that matters. Go for it Tia 😉
If you come back can you elaborate on why you think it will create drama?

OP Well I was good friends with Her, our kids grew up together, I haven’t dated since my husband passed kids looks like I was waiting in the weeks? Or liked him all these years...
it’s a large close family with a few crazy mixed in but they are all so close (7 brothers and sisters and all of them have 4 or more kids)
I was kinda surragented into their family over the years.
Also their kids are great kids whom iv got a great repor with are still grieving their mum, 3 years isn’t long to a hurting teenager.

I guess I just feel like no matter what I/he says it will look like there’s been feelings all along

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 In all honesty you are overthinking. Whatever you’re going through now could’ve happened with a work colleague, will people still assume “the feelings all along”?
Of course it’s natural that you have found happiness with someone you’ve known for so long. You didn’t steal him from his wife, you should build up the courage and open up to a select few that you trust. I bet you’ll be suprised at the reaction and support you’ll receive. It’s not like the guy has hooked up with some random on tinder, they know you, your history, your struggles, your grief. Who cares about the “crazy” mix. Deal with each hurdle as it arises and if your relationship is built on strong foundation nothing can rock the boat. Good luck

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