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Advice needed please. Tantrums and lots of push back from a 4 year old...

My almost 4 year old daughter can be poorly behaved. If she hears the word no, she throws a tantrum, yells and cries. Often she just won’t listen and is argumentative. Recently she’s gotten into the habit of just sitting on the floor when we are out in public and throwing a loud tantrum if I say no. Bedtime is really tricky, she won’t listen and will play around for quite a while before she goes to sleep. She won’t fall asleep on her own, she wants to be patted to sleep and refuses to sleep otherwise. I really feel like I am trying my best, I try to be patient but the constant push back is wearing me down. Can anyone please provide some advice? Is this normal behaviour for a nearly 4 year old girl?


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Answers (6)

I can’t help but feel you have created that, fueled by the society. It’s absolutely ok if your child has a tantrum.. but that’s where you stick to your guns. I remember walking down the most famous street in Paris and pulling my child 3year aside for a timeout whilst she screamed. I am tough on my kids, because if I don’t want my kids to be brats. When you make up your mind, it’s about not giving in that one time, because they know next time there is a chance that you will give him. Unfortunately parenting is tough and society does tend to make you feel like you are a failure if your kid is screaming from 1month old.. so we get to here. Goodluck mum..I’m not saying mine is the answer, but I am just showing you a different approach

 ^^ 👍👍
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My almost 4 y/o is similar. I researched & tried a lot of strategies but what's worked is making expectations & consequences clear & making behaviour HER choice. E.g. Want to tanty or run away in public? 'Stop or next time you'll stay home, it's your choice'. Follow through. Next time you go, say no, last time you chose to misbehave. No tv, no treats while you're gone. Good behaviour will mean a game of her choice once home. I'm finding by letting DD choose things - even just between two snacks - she's improving dramatically. I always try to listen though & talk calmly to her to find out the reason & teach her to use words instead of crying & find a positive solution. If the tanty is purely not getting her way we put her in her room & refuse to engage until she stops. No reaction, no getting what she wants. No benefit.

For sleep, try to start reducing contact slowly (sleep consult taught me this). Light touch, then no touch, then move slowly away - a little each night. Reassure her you're there. I still tell DD I'm right outside if you need me. DD still has difficult nights but is good 90% of the time now.

I'm no expert, this is just what I was taught or researched & seems to help our DD. Good luck. I understand how wearing it can be!

Sounds like a typical 4yo with a very strong will!

 Hit reply too quick sorry. So 4yo are old enough to understand consequences. If time out works, use it. If grounding, banning or taking away toys works use that too. But always be consistent. Always explain what the consequences of bad behaviour will be and always follow though.
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Our 4 year old wants us to sit with him at bed time until he falls asleep too.

How do you normal cope with a tantrum? Do you explore her feeling with her and get her to try and describe them or do you just get frustrated and tell her to get up?

 ^ Not the OP but I was wondering up to what age do you plan to be by his bed as he falls asleep. Is it every night? Thanx
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 Thankyou for caring enough to make a comment. ❤❤❤
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 ⬆️ I'm assuming a troll comment was deleted
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Look up therapeutic parenting, Sarah Naish and Dan Hughes are awesome