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Is ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) an actual thing or is it just a title that basically give kids permission to act like @ssholes?

I honestly feel like it removes any responsibility for the kid who is acting like and @sshole and their parent/s. Could it actually be that you're all a bunch of [email protected] and this label helps you get away with it?
Or am I being too harsh?
If my kids whose behaviour is basically good, ever acted like these kids do they would be hauled over the coals. But they have to sit back and take the shit behaviour from the kids who have ODD and that makes it OK.
Am I wrong for feeling so peeved about this??

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Answers (22)

In my experience, it is. They tend to not care about the consequences the way a little sh*thead kid would. They will stand their ground, most times, regardless of the consequence. Where as, the other children tend to have a point where they will give in because they fear the outcome. It means that you have to find a different approach to those children when they dig their heels in. It doesn't make it an excuse but it does require a bit of different thinking.

I hope this make sense.

 Thank you that does make sense. Doesn't make me any less effed off at the kid who was completely revolting to my kid, but helps me understand that the school might deal with it differently to how I expected.
helpful (0) 

It is very much real. I have a son with it and a daughter without. They have both been treated the same. It is hard enough having a child with it let alone being labelled a crappy parent by people who have no idea. My son is highly intelligent, most kids with ODD are, and finds ways around everything. Consequences mean nothing to him. It is hard.

The small percentage of kids with ODD that i have seen, have neurological conditions or severe trauma. I think it does the family injustice to dismiss the possibility that it's fake when the medical field can acknowledge it.

 Thats a good point. A blow to the head can definately alter somebody's personality or way they act.
helpful (2) 
 Or a mother who drank heavily and had actual binges during her pregnancy. Is one of the potential results from the brain damage of fetal alcohol syndrome.
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I have 4 kids and only one with this disorder. All other kids hardly ever get into trouble. The ODD one took up all of my parenting time and energy and sometimes I feel its all for nothing. Im not sure how people can blame parenting when there is a situation like this. Was I just an asshole parent to this one kid?? And effort wise- she gets sooo much more. But I never used it as an excuse for her not to have consequences applied to her ahotty behavioir either.

 Hugs, I have one with and one without. The hardest part is feeling like my daughter gets ignored because all of my attention is on her brother. I have recently used Sunday funday as a punishment for bad behaviour, my son stays home and my daughter gets a break from him and some one on one time.
helpful (3) 
 I feel your pain ! That's exactly what it is like, my 8 year old has taken up all my parenting time and I feel my other well behaved children miss out. He has to be the centre of attention all the time and doesn't care about consequences and when I do find a consequence that he doesn't like, he throws a massive 2 year old tantrum and has a complete meltdown. He is also a smart child. I also used to think kids behaviour was due to mostly parenting but after having a challenging one of my own I now believe it is so real.
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I think it's just regular kiddie boundary testing and stubbornness that's not being dealt with properly by the parents, so instead of the kids behaviour being labeled as a direct consequence of dismal patenting the crappy parents write it off as being because of this made up 'condition ' and give it a label so that they can blame the label and not their rubbish parenting for their kid being a brat.

 That certainly happens a lot from my experience.
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 If that were the case every child in the family would display ODD tendencies. That is rarely the case.
helpful (1) 
 Not necessarily, I've known LOADS of families where one kid is quiet & passive and the other is a hellraiser - they were raised the same. Kids have different personalities.
helpful (2) 
 Yes why don't people acknowledge children have different personalities when talking about behaviors? It's always lumped on the parents that they just don't know what they're doing. All kids are different what works with one doesn't work with another. What works for you doesn't work for mine & we're trying to find other ways.... it's all about labels & judging in the end.
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Lots of people on here with medical degrees apparently.

 Of course there are. I am one of them (have not commented on this thread as it's not my area). But you shouldn't be so naive to think that there aren't medical professionals on herr with insightful advice
helpful (5) 

A small percentage are probably genuine but the rest is poor parenting but how do you distinguish between the two?

 I agree. I have cared for a child with ODD and it was, sadly, very obvious why he was behaving the way he was. Other children come from loving, disciplined families who are great parents.
helpful (0) 
 Just be grateful it's not one of your children and move along. You have no idea what we're going through.
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 ^ I hear you 🥺 so hard when it’s one of your own children that you have loved and nourished and they have a disorder that other people care to judge on.
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I think my 8 year son has undiagnosed ODD and he can at times be very difficult to manage and his behaviour affects the whole family. I am on a waiting list for a diagnosis. It definitely feels real to me, I have had 7 children and none of the others kids behaviour has been as difficult as his, like a previous post said, he never gives in !

 My 3 1/2 year old is showing signs of this. Struggling because he doesn't care about any punishment handed out & everything is funny to him. I'm trying to look at the positives down the road. At least he's strong willed so perhaps he'll be a leader or boss of a company one day.
helpful (2) 
 This is incorrect thinking it is people who have high emotional intelligence who end up the leaders not the bullies.
helpful (1) 
 I never said he was a bully but thanks for letting me know my positive thinking is just plain wrong. Any evidence for your random thoughts?
helpful (4) 
 It is also the people that have high drive, charisma, and high levels of intelligence so I don’t see how you can so blatantly dismiss her assumption. Children with high levels of intelligence and strong willed will often be able to sort out their own path quite successfully if given the tools to succeed. ie. raised with boundaries so as not to end up running some drug network or other illegal shit and ending up in jail.
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 Thank you 💐
helpful (1) 

ODD is a conduct disorder and it's very real. The ability for a child with ODD to process things and control impulses is very different than a neuro typical child.

ODD is never an excuse for bad behavior but van explanation for it and children with odd should still have their serious behavior corrected, it just should happen in a very different way.

I've cared for a child with ODD and it was really hard work but worth it when seeing the significant improvement with the right therapeutic treatment.

Unfortunately the outcome for kids with ODD is bleak with many going onto misuse drugs, struggling to be employed, facing homelessness and so many ending up incarcerated.

Just something to think about- are any of these ODD kids from caring, supportive, balanced and involved parents? In my experiences, no they are not. They come from parents who do not give a rats a*s what their kids are doing and certainly don't take any responsibility for anything at all, they blame the school and the system for everything wrong and refuse to try and help the situation by changing things at home. I think it's a crock.

 That's honestly how I'm feeling right now.
helpful (2) 
 Sadly for myself and our family we are one of the families you have mentioned. My son has odd ADHD and autism. We have been diagnosed seeing multiply therapys weekly and still have to see his teacher and principal weekly for meetings. We have so many things to do and still have issues.
It is a long tough lonely road to travel when you have a child with severely challenging and difficult needs.
From one tired worn out Mumma to another.

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Layman here. Studying ADHD to fix myself. The key to ODD seems to be that the person not only won't listen. It's that they can't. For one reason or another (Bipolar, ADHD, etc) some system required to allow them to reliably adjust their behavior is flat out broken, and in full adaptation of form, they get really good at bad behavior. Yes it is real, but its actually just the result of bad parenting and the disorders that predispose one to ODD are mostly genetic and ALSO predispose one to bad parenting. After a certain age (7-9) it mostly sticks because the behaviors that constitute ODD that are not part of their causal disorder are learned. Broken kid becomes an asshole. Broken asshole kid becomes a broken asshole adult. Sunrise. Sunset. Jail time.

 When were you diagnosed?
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OPs kids shouldnt have to take bad behaviour directed at them. If the kid does something thats nothing to do with them thats not their business, but if its directed at them thats NOT ok, regardless of what condition the kid has. The school needs to step in more.

I haw ODD and yes it’s very real it’s really hard you don’t feel like yourself when it’s all happening it’s makes simple tales hard and you just come across as being a little [email protected] but in that moment consequences mean nothing you can take everything away from your child with ODD but it most likely won’t help it will just build more tension and make the situation worse and at the end you both feel like crap so you can’t just treat them like a normal kid when it comes to stuff because it won’t work when most kids think “i better [email protected] do this” when their parent threatens to take something away from them kids with ODD just let them take it some kids feel as if it’s because they think they deserve pain and to feel like [email protected] so they just let their mum or dad take it and they just sit there feeling worthless like they deserve to have nothing and cry. We don’t know why we do it and we can’t control it but you can’t blame us for it because having ODD it feels like your watching a world you built fall apart and you can’t do anything to stop it hoped this helped

 Hmm I wish you could explain the last part more. I’ve nevef heard it explained this way before. My child has displayed exactly what you have written and I never thought it to be ODD. every threat or consequence would be ignored and met with sadness so it kind of makes sense. But it kind of doesn’t as I have no insight to it. I feel awful like I’ve failed my kid cos of how I tried to parent, to find their currency of what works but maybe I’ve killed their confidence in trying.
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NO CONDITION IS AN EXCUSE TO HIT, HURT, ABUSE OR BULLY! I’m sick of a little girl at my daughters school hitting and slapping her in the face and bruising her and calling her ugly and to kill her self!! The excuse is sorry she has autism! I’m over it. No fucken excuse and since I got my lawyer involved their opinions have changed

 Got your lawyer out? Ooh go you, so tough. Be a grown up.
helpful (1) 
 Why shouldn't she? Her daughter should not have to suffer. There absolutely needs to be safety guards put in place to protect ALL the children.
helpful (2) 
 After 9 months of bruised ribs, split lips, shins being kicked and Bruised and my daughter refusing to eat and vomiting! Getting so upset she wouldn’t go!!!! I emailed over 50 times and went in daily trying to resolve it!!! They did NOTHING!! so what must I do let my daughter suffer and her education suffer!! F**k no!
Within a day of my lawyer making contact the issue was resolved and the child was suspended so what changed???!!! Why should it have not been done earlier

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Well the 'treatment' that is suggested, said to be effective for overcoming it, is 'Parental training – to help the parents better manage and interact with their child, including behavioural techniques that reinforce good behaviour and discourage bad behaviour'

Sooo... the kid has a 'disorder' but teaching the PARENTS how to deal with it makes it go away? Hmmmm.

 I imagine as the child gets older they will be able to manage (does it really go away?) it themselves, providing their parent has helped them to do so. Hence the parental training.
helpful (1) 
 No it doesn’t go away, it’s about teaching parents strategies to manage the behaviours of ODD which gives children and families better outcomes not a ‘cure’.

It’s not easy to manage ODD behaviours. Normal, average parents do not have the skills to manage the behaviours. Average people don’t even have the capacity to understand ODD, how could you expect them to cope with the behaviours?

People with ‘normal’ children take parenting classes to help them. This isn’t much different but the behaviours these parents are trying to manage are extreme

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