Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

My wife started smoking. Its driving me crazy

Smoking alway been a deal breaker. Now 5 years into our relationship and just married. my partner started smoking. I really not ok with it. We talked i made so rules that. I dont want to be touched or kiss between a smoke and a shower and brushed teeth But the other night she tried to sneak one in when i was asleep and when she come back into the room i asked to have a shower and she spat it. She known all along i hate it.

We were having sex the other night i could smell it on her breath. I tried to keep my head out of it but kissing and sex goes hand in hand. I stopped and said i was to tierd and its wasn't going to happen. But realy it was her breath puting me off.

Is it ok for me to say that the smell of it putting me off?

Report

Got an Answer?


Answers (30)

I, too, have always been curious about it. None of my friends, or family, smoke so I never really got a chance to try it. My next door neighbor, though, is a smoker. It took me awhile to get up the nerve, since she knows me as an athletic type bicyclist, and when she apologized to me for smoking (out on her pool patio whilst surrounded by her family yet) I told her to go ahead and that I was always curious myself. She immediately beamed a bright smile and asked me if I'd like to try one then. It was rather disgusting and, as I was choking on it, she laughed quite loudly.

Over time, she would offer me one when she had one and we were outside talking. I eventually got used to them, even to the point where I started understanding their allure. In fact, I grew to enjoy them and bought my own. I don't smoke heavily, perhaps 5-10 a day now, but it does happen (I'm 38 and "started" about 6 months ago) and we're now "smoking buddies" much to her delight and, yes, she doesn't apologize anymore, thankfully.

I know the negatives and will probably stop when I get tired of them but I'm happy that I now satisfied an almost lifelong curiosity despite what I feel, now, is an addiction. In fact, being addicted is what makes them so satisfying, I've discovered. :)

 Do you find that satisfying the regular cravings from your addiction to nicotine to be very pleasurable?
helpful (0) 
 are you still smoking now
helpful (0) 

Hi. I started at 37. I am now 44. My husband hated it at first, he refused to touch me or kiss me for months! It was horrible. I was really anti smoking before I started. My husband cooled and now he loves watching me smoke. I smoke about a pack a day now. The smoke causes my heart to beat faster and I love how relaxed I feel..our lovemaking has increased which is not a bad thing. I love my after sex cigarette, my husband's head resting on my breast. I am a runner and still in pretty good shape although I smoke!

 Do you find that satisfying the regular cravings to your addiction to nicotine to be very pleasurable?
helpful (3) 
 This is gross on so many levels haha
helpful (0) 

My wife got a new job 5 years into our marriage and it was a stressful but very rewarding job as it pretty much doubled her salary and she started smoking and wearing high heels everyday. It took a little getting use to her breath when kissing, but I don’t mind it now, she actually looks sexier now smoking and wearing high heels all the time.

 My wife smoked in her teens when I first knew her. I didn’t smoke and she quit in her early 20s and was a passionate anti smoker for many years.
She started smoking again when she was in her late 40s just because it was politically incorrect and she “wanted to grow old disgracefully”.
I found it incredibly sexy when she came home with a pack of ciggies and lit up at bedtime. I absolutely love seeing her smoke, particularly if she is naked or scantily clad. The smell of tobacco in her hair is quite a turn on. Smoking, along with a couple of small tattoos, has perked up our sex life no end.

helpful (1) 

Tell her. It might talk some sense into her. I've left someone 3 years into the relationship because he started smoking. I was so embarrassed to be with him, and hated being seen in public with him, with him spending half the night outside the bar, restaurant , etc puffing away. So gross.

 Yes, just be honest with her.
helpful (3) 
 Look at all the gross smokers trying to make themselves feel better by calling op a sook 😂
helpful (2) 
 Look at the angry reformed smoker, hanging out for a smoke, making derogatory off topic comments directed at other posters.

Just go and light up, make your day and that of those having to put up with your attitude which stinks more than any smoke ever could.

helpful (1) 
 Omg I can’t believe these responses 🙈 there aren’t many things worse than a smoking partner. It’s putrid.
helpful (13) 
 In my experience, if she's sucking on ciggies I'd be very wary of what else she's been sucking on when you're not looking.

Maybe check her phone or emails.

helpful (0) 
 ^ what even. 0 to 100 in like seconds there.
helpful (2) 
 Hmm there are far more things worse than smoking- think about that for a second
helpful (1) 

Is it the same as a partner putting on weight? Why is it unacceptable to leave someone for that but ok for smoking. Both are difficult to control and started after marriage?

I think women do this later on because they've given up so much of themselves being mums & wives that they want to rebel. I get it. They want a guilty little pleasure to themselves.

 You know what, that seems like a believable reason! Same with affairs for mums who's kids are late teens. They don't have an "identity" outside wife and mum and want to rebel!
helpful (4) 

There's always a reason why people smoke. Smoking is a symptom, not a cause.
Encourage her (suggest names, make the appointment?) to see a counsellor to talk through what's bothering her.

You do not have to like her smoking or her smokey breath. She needs to quit.

Well, many adult women simply enjoy smoking they like the 120s and there cute cigarette cases and fancy lighters.. my wife has smoked since her mom let her when she was 15. My rule is only 7, 120s a day or 10, 109s. They must be lights. I woud just put limits on her smoking. Never in house. Everyone used to smoke in the 90s. Let her have her enjoyment with controls.
Yes, health effect is a serious worry, however, if it's controled to 5 or 6 a day , she most likely will be fine provided she quited before 50.
Let her enjoy her smokes. In force controls.





 Yes like a puppy
helpful (0) 

She is cheating. She picked up smoking from her lover. You don't just wake up one day and decide to smoke. It is something she has started doing because of him.

 I tend to disagree with this statement. i have been married 37 years and my wife asked me if it was ok if she wanted to smoke. i asked her why and she has always wanted to try it. she has always enjoyed pot and i looked at it this way smoking pot smoking cigarettes either way she is still smoking. In all honesty smoking does not bother me at all. I can agree that for 99% of the people it is a disgusting habit. It comes down to personal choice. She was pleased I did not stop her. We sit out in the back yard and chat have a beer while she smokes. She also enjoys a cigarette in our bed room while I rub her feet, The cheating thing is not the case in our relationship
helpful (6) 
 That is a really bizarre assumption to make! Taking up smoking suddenly is because they are a cheater?
helpful (2) 
 Somebody's projecting
helpful (0) 

If my husband started smoking I'd leave. Filthy, scabby, derelict habit. Smokers are selfish morons.

Maybe she took it up because she knows you hate it and wants you to leave her

 If my husband suddenly took up smoking (or if I did, for that matter), that would 100% be the reason. It’s always been a dealbreaker for both of us.
helpful (3) 
 People do weird things when they want to get out of a relationship without actually verbalising it lol
helpful (0) 

Just a note. Most women enjoy the 120s. Remeber, they are really about 2, regulars cigarettes. My wife tried pulling that over me as well. A 120 is not a normal 5 min smoke. It's a 15 min prosess.

 I'm lost with this response. What is 120s?
helpful (2) 

I’m in my mid 30s and secretly love smoking. I do it in hiding so I have to vape. My favorites for NJOYs. I feel really sexy smoking and it makes me horny while doing so. I make love to my husband more since vaping. I feel more confident, sexy and it relaxes me. When the kids are gone and my husband I smoke all day. I wish I could smoke real cigarettes the the smell is to strong. I love inhaling deep and watching the smoke come out of my mouth. I wish I could smoke during sex. Ugh it’s so good! I love everything about it !

I’ll never understand how people in this day and age can choose to take up smoking.